We're both working from home in lockdown and caring for our 3 year old while nursery is closed - very fortunate for be able to do so.
My husband has never been able to control our 3 year old. He is out of control, badly behaved and doesn't listen when my husband is around. We visited and stayed with family recently and they noticed the change in his behaviour when my husband came to spend the last few days with us after being there alone for a few days.
I know all kids try to act up and play parents off each other but the real problem here is my husband. He doesn't want to listen to a word I say so we don't parent in unison. 3 year old gets mixed signals and has little patience for his dad as he knows he ignores him until he screams and shouts.
So today they played a game where husband was shooting some car thing at 3 year old and 3 year old was saying oh it got me, you hit me. That was the game it wasn't abuse (it wasn't acceptable by my standards either but Iv been seeing how the day goes when I don't constantly step in) 10 mins later in the living room 3 year old is hitting his dad and is told to stop it, he doesn't so he goes on naughty spot. My first thoughts are how can he differentiate between a game being played where it's ok to hit but all of a sudden dads fed up so hitting isn't allowed? 3 year old knows hitting is never allowed in any game we play and at first sign of violence he gets a warning then naughty spot.
Husband is very lazy when it comes to 3 year old and wants him to sit nice or entertain himself.... he won't show him a game or get something out and play for a minute and then leave him to it. He just tells him to leave him alone so 3 year old shouts, cries and screams at first sign dad is going to ignore him. This is no good trying to work from home when we need him to play himself but on the days husband is out I manage to get my work done, 3 year old has all the good (messy) toys out and no one gets naughty spot'd.
I have tried to chat to husband about it but apparently I just know everything(!) and he isn't interested to listen. I have bought toys and kept them hidden and told husband to pull them out when needed, spend a minute playing and then leave 3 year old to it. He hasn't done that. He just expects him to go away. He keeps saying how important his work calls are and has made such a big deal of it that 3 year old is desperate to talk coz they're so important! On the other hand he gets 'the look' from me when I'm on a call, plays nice and knows he gets a small treat and lots of praise when I'm finished.
Basically husband just isn't in the mood for anyone most of the time - especially me and doesn't want to listen to what I have to say. He hates to think I'm right and doesn't want my advice but is stressing himself (and me) out in the process. Today he's told me twice that 3 year old is doing his fucking head in - like Iv to just deal with it but I can't undo his treatment of 3 year old when it gets too much for him. 3 year old today was hanging off husbands clothes and pulling him and husband was cracking up about it but didn't discipline it. Iv heard countless times today that he's going to the naughty spot/toys are going in the bin but he's done nothing but shout and 3 year old knows it's all empty threats. At one point during the hitting husband was laughing about it then he turned and he was to stop immediately. Husband can't see these mixed messages tho.
I'm sorry this was so long
AIBU in telling husband just to get back to work? Should I try and talk to him about how he could try to do things and risk another argument?