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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to quit my job

25 replies

chanandlerbonggg · 22/07/2020 17:07

I have left an abusive relationship and the abuse is still going on when the children are dropped off/collected and over phone call/text etc (I do try to just ignore, block calls and texts, etc), so not having the easiest time in life right now. Police are involved due to his drinking and anger as they have been in the past.

I have had to take some time off work, and have also been put on anti depressants. I've had to buy everything for a house for me and the kids, as at the moment we are all in one room and I was left with nothing but some clothes. The move will be happening in around 6 weeks time.

I am just wondering if anyone has left their job or if anyone has any advice based on this, whether it's a good idea to have some time for me and the kids, or if it's a dumb idea. I have never not worked since the age of 16 and would have to effectively live off universal credit which I never saw myself doing, but with the nature of my job being quite stressful, plus my already stressful situation, I'm not sure how I'll cope with it all. It wouldn't be forever as I love working, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do, or if it would be stupid to leave a job that has potential and isn't badly paid, just so I am a bit happier, able to spend more time with the kids and wouldn't be inconvenienced by travel and travel costs.. thank you x

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 22/07/2020 17:09

Could you not ask for a sabbatical or unpaid leave?

Merryoldgoat · 22/07/2020 17:09

I have no idea about the benefits system but wouldn’t having no money be pretty stressful!?

Original poster
chanandlerbonggg · 22/07/2020 17:12

@Merryoldgoat I've had a look at what I would be entitled to, and would manage.

OP posts:
ChockyBicky · 22/07/2020 17:21

My worry would be how easy it would be to get back into work with the current situation as I've read thousands are chasing jobs at a time because of the unemployment that's been created.
I would also look into the universal credit because I thought if you voluntarily gave up employment you couldn't get it but I'm not sure you'd have to look into it.
I hope you've got lots of emotional support in rl, I don't mean to sound pessimistic you've come along way and are bound to feel it all but take your time, hopefully things will get easier.

Merryoldgoat · 22/07/2020 17:23

[quote chanandlerbonggg]@Merryoldgoat I've had a look at what I would be entitled to, and would manage.[/quote]
If you think you could manage then I can see how it might be helpful to have a break - you must be work down.

DotDotDotty · 22/07/2020 17:25

I think you have to decide what is best for you. I would find worrying about money and getting another job majorly stressful, but if this is less of a factor for you then it might be worth it.
Do what is best for you.

MulberryPeony · 22/07/2020 17:48

Can you choose to leave and then claim benefits? I know you didn’t used to be able to do that so worth checking it out first. Wishing you all the luck regardless OP.

StripeyDeckchair · 22/07/2020 18:29

If you resign you wont be eligible for any assistance as you will be deemed to have made yourself voluntarily unemployed

MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee · 22/07/2020 18:33

Would you be eligible for sick leave, OP?

Suze1621 · 22/07/2020 18:55

You risk being ineligible for benefits for 3 months if you resign 'without good reason'. I would take some proper advice from CAB or similar to see if your current circumstances would be considered 'good reason' so you can make an informed decision.

Nat6999 · 22/07/2020 18:59

If you are sure finishing work is right for you I would go off sick & let them finish you, that way you haven't left of you own accord.

Aliceinwanderland · 22/07/2020 19:01

You should be eligible for unpaid parental leave unless the company has a good business reason to refuse. You can get up to four weeks per child up to max of 18 weeks for each child up to 18th birthday. Could you take a month or 6 weeks off and then go back.

I'd be very nervous about leaving a job in the current economic climate

Purpletigers · 22/07/2020 19:06

I wouldn’t . Your work will keep you sane in an already stressful time . Adding money worries to your situation wouldn’t be a good idea .

dooratheexplorer · 22/07/2020 19:14

Could you drop some hours or take a sabbatical? I wouldn't give up a job at the moment without having some sort of financial back up in the form of rich DH to bankroll me or a large inheritance in the bank.

You might end up far more stressed....

WrongKindOfFace · 22/07/2020 19:28

I don’t think it would be a good idea, particularly given the current state of the job market. There is no guarantee you’d find another job any time soon, much less one that pays well. Can you speak to your employer and see about reducing your hours (even temporarily), taking parental leave, or even having a short period of sick leave given that you’re very stressed?

ChockyBicky · 22/07/2020 19:44

Is you're manager quite approachable?
Could you speak to them about how you feel?
Is working from home for now an option?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to give you something to think about.

If you go onto universal credit won't you be a job seeker and be obligated to look for an accept a job?
Then you could be in the same position with a worse paying job that you hate.

Thinkingg · 22/07/2020 19:47

It seems a bad idea given the job market at the moment. And you might make yourself ineligible for benefits. Can your employer offer you any flexibility?

AnathemaPulsifer · 22/07/2020 20:03

On universal credit wouldn’t you have to job search for 35 hours a week? I would think that might be more stressful and you might end up with a worse job.

ellsom · 22/07/2020 20:17

I wouldn't, you have had a lot of upheaval and your dc has too.
I think you will see having your job as a blessing when you feel a bit better, yes it's stressful and you're having to come to terms with a lot but you're job security is surely some comfort and I don't think you can just choose a life on benefits, you'd have to meet strict job search commitments to get your money and prove you had spent many many hours searching and applying for ANY job and take any job you were offered.
I don't think it will be less stressful in the long run and right now is an very competitive time for the job searchers.

carly2803 · 22/07/2020 20:24

no
take sick leave/unpaid leave etc

if you quit,UC will sanction you and you will get nothing

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 22/07/2020 20:27

A friend of mine fled her dh and got a sabbatical from work until he was adequately dealt with and she could move back. She was very lucky In that he was dealt with.

Needmoremummyjuice · 22/07/2020 20:35

considering the current economic climate, depending on your line of work, jobs are getting hard to find and may lead to a stressful search and potentially having to enter a lower paid job/one you don’t like. Would a period signed off on sick leave be an option or a sabbatical? I don’t know the full ins and outs but also resigning from a job used to mean a period where you couldn’t claim as you had technically made yourself voluntarily unemployed. My situation was no where near as stressful as yours in my separation was relatively amicable and mutual but I found maintaining the routine of work beneficial for me and DC and I also ended up getting excellent support from a colleague/friend.

notthemum · 22/07/2020 20:50

Op. I am in the South of England and moving in the next few weeks.
I have got quite a lot of furniture, pots and pans that I won't need. PM me if it might be any use to you. (not bad condition, don't want anything for it but it would need collecting.

Lifeisabeach09 · 22/07/2020 21:51

I wouldn't quit but, as you're receiving treatment for depression, take some sick leave as PP have said.

RB68 · 22/07/2020 22:23

Dont quit but ask them if they can help putting y7ou on reduced hrs for a bit or something - best to keep your "bird in hand" in terms of working. Its not an easy thing you are doing and I understand your concerns. I had a friend who went through similar but only one child. I wish you well. Are there any local charities or grants that you can get hold of - ask the DV workers and so on - I was amazed what was available and even if it just tides you over better than nothing. GOod Luck and well done getting out

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