AIBU to think *some* people look down on renters at my age?

[hugocat]

So, a little background, my partner and I are both divorced , he's 50, I'm 40. He earns 35 k, I earn 17k , we have 3 children under 16 between us. We live in a 'nice' area of town ( not south east ) and pay £1000 p/m with council tax in a 4 bed privately rented detached. It isn't done out all fancy with new kitchen, bathroom, big garden etc but we keep it very neat, clean and tidy and we love it there. We both don't have the best credit scores nor a deposit saved. I have some debt I am paying out and we've bought a joint car on hp.

Anyway, I know I shouldn't care but I got chatting to a busy body neighbour the other day and she asked if we were the owners of the house who had moved back into the property. I told her we weren't .. she was asking loads of questions which are none of her business so I politely ended the conversation. It got me thinking, do the homeowners in our area look down on us? Do they in general when they hear of people our age renting? Then I wonder what I'll do for retirement? I did own my own home in my twenties with my ex husband but the relationship was toxic and life moves on....

I'm sure they do. Fuck them :)

I don't look down on renters. I would wonder how they will survive financially when they retire but only in my head. I'd never ask!

I don't care if you rent or own but at £1k a month when you're on £17k a year is a big chunk.

Do you have pensions etc? Seems like you're working part time so if possible I'd bump that up for a few years to get some savings tbh

My next door neighbours are in a rented house. I’ve lived in mine for 25 years and had a succession of families next door over the past 20 or so years, maybe 8 or 9. They have been, without exception, lovely people and great neighbours. The house is looking a bit tired, but then so is mine! I must admit when it first sold to a private landlord I was a bit worried in case I ended up with a house of noisy students but they have been hardworking, friendly people who have stayed a few years before moving on. My favourite was a Kiwi professional rugby player! (They don’t pay that much in Gloucester RFC)

Basically, I’ve learnt that there are a multitude of reasons why people rent rather than buy and not to judge.

Yes some do. Is it worth caring about? No most definitely not.
You have a roof over your head, your DC are warm, you pay your bills.
IME judgey people judge everyone for all sorts of things, if you're on their list your there with many other sinners.
I have many friends including a sister who feel they're trapped in a shit marriage because of a mortgage or shared ownership home.

Yes, some people judge you if you rent at any age.
Specifically if you are 40 and partner is 50, yes, people may wonder if some set of life circumstances forced you to choose renting.
Ultimately, you have to do what works for you.

Regarding your specific neighbour, a friend of mine moved into a neighbourhood with a lot of home owners and couldn't get onto the street emailing list (this was a decade or so ago...) We had a long pondering conversation as to possible motivations (I guess it could have just been easier to ask...) We thought that perhaps renters are looked down upon because

• as previous posters say, renters could be transient. Why invest time in a "neighbour" relationship if they may only be around for a year. For example, on my current road, there are sometimes two generations living on the same road.
• Some renters do not care about their property as "homes". That is, gardening/mowing the lawn, fixing disrepairs (like fencing). For example, if one board blows off of a fence on the property line that is own by the renters owners, and it could be easily fixed with a nail, would the renter fix it or wait for the owner to come mend? I know of a renter who does all the gardening on their rental property. Plus built an entire shed (the owner paid). I happen to know these renters are well looked upon by the owners and the owners decided not to put up the rent for like 3 years!
• This specific neighbour probably wonders whatever happened to their home owning neighbours. It sounds like the property was purchased and then swiftly rented out. Some home owners may wonder if their road will become full of rental home, thus changing the social dynamic of the street. It is lovely that your family are renting but sometimes homes are split into "room" rentals and this can sometimes change the social dynamic even more on a street of family home owners. (Though I'm one to talk as I lived in a rented room on a street full of family home owners in my 20s!)

Personally, I live across the street from a family who owns and next door is a family who rents (I know the couple of the rental family are renting from.) I see all three couples the same. Though I almost feel a bit closer to the rental couple as they have a child a year older than my oldest.

It is utterly difficult to save for a deposit for a house!

We have found this actually as we are almost 40. We just can't get the deposit together to buy. I was married before, we split up and had to sell when we were in negative equity. Me and new DH started saving, but then I was diagnosed with a chronic condition that has signifcantly affected my energy and mobility. I have to work part time, I really can't manage more than 15 hours a week now and even then I spend my evenings in bed. DH earns minimum wage, he has a degree but there just aren't any opportunities here. We can't afford to relocate either as you need so much money upfront. I was the higher wage earner by far.

Friends have all bought due to inheritances or from help from their parents. I am not saying this is the case for everyone, but they can't seem to understand that rent is over half our income alone. This is for a rundown one bed in a bad area. Rooms alone aren't that much cheaper to be honest and don't tend to take couples. We don't have expensive phones, don't buy coffees etc, don't go on holiday. My husband walks to and from work, almost an hour each way and takes leftovers for lunch. I am sure there are others in a similar situation, but as soon as you say you rent, some people do give you a certain look I have come to recognise.

We are simply trapped in the low wages, high rent trap and now that required deposit has gone up, can't see us ever managing it. Neither of us expect inheritances.

I'm similar to you OP, we have a lovely detached house in a good area which we rent. When we moved on here the neighbours on one side told us they were surprised we were OK, and when they knew the house was going to be let they'd put in an extra high fence just in case! Wouldn't mind but our house is immaculate and theirs umis run down and overgrown with weeds.
We have a joint salary of £70k so people are surprised we rent but there are so many factors to consider. I was a home owner in my twenties then like you got divorced. I moved overseas and met DP and we stayed away for a few years. Overseas our accommodation was part of our work package.
When we came back house prices here were nuts so we needed to save. Easier said than done with £800 rent and £600 childcare every month. We've got a deposit now but the bloody mortgage offer fell through due to lockdown! Maybe one day!

Some people are definitely snobby about renters. I was talking to my cleaner one day as I'd discovered I knew her next door neighbours and she sort of sneered and said "well, yes, I know them, but they're only renting the house" as if to say they weren't worth passing time talking about!

My DPs rent and I do get the concerns about paying rent in to retirement, but thankfully their pensions are high enough to be able to continue paying it. Would I feel more comfortable if they owned their own place? Well, yes, not necessarily from a financial point of view in their case, but from the view that they could be evicted by their landlord when they're in their 80s. Thankfully that's unlikely to be the case in their situation but there will be many people that face that reality.

The same people who look down on renters also look down on people who own what they consider to be beneath them. I own a flat in the rough part of town and have had more than my fair share of people looking down on me.

I'm nearly 50 and rent through choice, and don't care a jot what others think.

Some people will . I wouldn’t worry about them tbh . You can’t control what people think .

Someone I know privately rents a house and she often remarks on how small my home is or how she couldn't live in the area I do or why don't I move to something bigger or more rural etc etc!
I know she would love to own her own home and I would love her to be back in that situation again one day , but she has always been critical of wherever I've lived!
Whatever you do in life someone always has an opinion!

I don't look down on renters, but I do feel sorry for people who can't afford to buy and wonder what they will do in old age.

We have been lucky, but we do live in a very cheap area, and my father urged us to get onto the property ladder as soon as possible. My Gran and Grandad (who both had well paid jobs) never bought because Grandad trotted out the millstone round your neck phrase and worried about upkeep. However - they privately rented the same house for over 60 years.

My Gran paid for that house more than twice over - and was still having to come up with the monthly rent well into her 80s.

Of course not. And anyone who does is a wanker.

My dad could have bought a property in the 70s , but decided against it. My inlaws really couldn't afford it , even with a big council discount!
It's sad my dad didn't want the responsibility of it all ; I think he was just scared and found it easier to let the council sort out any problems you get with homes or move out a bit in order to find a cheaper place.
We all make choices in life and that was his.
Still , those two homes now have council tenants in them and I like to think they are happy and it will do them a turn. Housing is a big problem in the UK. Not everyone can buy.

There are pros to renting which sometimes I would really love to have...being able to relocate quickly, not being tied to one place, not having to pay for the boiler when it packs up...

So no, I don’t look down on people who rent. There are some good reasons to rent. Unfortunately, however, renting has become really expensive in certain parts of the country and the downsides are that you are dependent on having a good, stable and responsive landlord or may be restricted from having pets.

But would I rent again? Yes, absolutely. There are pros and cons to both.

People definitely do. We rent, and when we first moved into our current house a neighbour commented how relieved she was to see someone had bought our house because it had been rented for ages and no one was looking after it. We'd put a pot plant outside the door, so she assumed we must not be renting.

I agree a lot of people will say 'ooh, I wouldn't want the responsibility' or whatever, when what they mean is 'I haven't a hope in hell of buying'.

A relative of one of my friends, who is very Tory inner circle, was shocked we were doing DIY 'on a rented house?!' I didn't want to say 'yes, because the LL won't, we can't afford better, and the paper is literally peeling off the wall so we need to put it back'. So I a nice bright 'yes, of course!' And then kicked myself as she's doubtless gone off thinking this is why feckless renters never manage to save a deposit.

@CorianderLord

I don't care if you rent or own but at £1k a month when you're on £17k a year is a big chunk.

Do you have pensions etc? Seems like you're working part time so if possible I'd bump that up for a few years to get some savings tbh

We pay £1k between 2 of us

We rented in a "naice" area too and most of our neighbours were fine but the odd one was obviously superior to us!
We had good reasons to rent.
The "millstone" argument for a lot of people is around the upkeep and maintenance rather than the mortgage payment. If you can get together the deposit, anyway.
The biggest downside in living in rented accommodation was always the annual worry about the landlord wanting to sell and there being nothing suitable to rent in the area. That bothered me a lot. I like loving in my own house again for that reason!

I've had family members look down on me for living in a housing association property. Some even seem to think it's free and won't believe me that I pay £800 a months rent as they are convinced no one pays a thing to live in them. I wish I had enough to buy but I would never get a mortgage with three children and a bit so great credit history.

I find it sad that anyone would look down on people renting! My family members that rented never felt inferior or whatever , they were decent people who worked hard and paid their way in life , but just didn't own bricks and mortar.
Selling off council houses wasn't a great idea in the 80s ( just my opinion here) but it is what it is now.
More should be built and not sold on but I know that will ever happen either. The government like a divide and this is yet another one sadly.

What plans do you have for when you retire? You’ll probably downsize to reduce rental payments but the state pension won’t go far. I think this is why the “norm” is to try to buy. Especially if you’re lucky enough to pay off the mortgage earlier - you then feel very cash rich!

I definitely don't look down on people who rent their homes but then I was brought up in a council house. I believe I have a good sense of values and realise that many people just cannot afford to get together a deposit to buy a home.

I'm not sure why there should be a stigma in renting rather than buying. In some countries renting is the norm.

This is the same as my Nan and Grandad they were turned down for a mortgage of £9000, the house now is worth just under £2 million, they didn’t bother applying again, she could have bought her council house with a massive discount my Dad and Aunt would have paid for it and she refused. Think it was around £15K at the time and they are now worth £425,000, My other Nan has just passed away and my uncle lives in their house, he’s seeking planning permission to build in their garden as it’s huge, we currently rent and then we can move into their house if all goes to plan. This will be a massive help to us if it all works out