AIBU to worry about ds making friends?

[partofyoupoursoutofme]

My ds is 3.5 and is a lovely, kind, chatty and confident boy at home. He has been going to a brilliant childminder since he was one, and has started back after the covid break. He often says he prefers to play by himself, and when I pick him up most of the time he is by himself. However, the childminder says he also plays with the other children.

DS is very confident with adults, and older children - but he's really shy around children his own age, even children he's known his whole life. If the other children are playing together it's like he doesn't know how to join in. I have tried to help him, but I was the same and don't know really how to do it. I have autistic parents but am NT myself, so I wasn't taught and have muddled through as best I could.

He's starting school nursery in September and I'm worried he won't make friends. I feel like I don't know how to help him and feeling really sad and anxious. I think I am probably BU, and looking for advice.

If he’s happy, and as he does play with other children, then perhaps it’s best it’s best to let him get on with it.

You aren't being unreasonable as it's a perfectly normal worry. But, as CM has said he can play with other kids please don't worry.

As for how to help him. Be smily and friendly at the school gate. Be available for and offer play dates. (Friendships can change quickly at his age so don't panic about that if you have a play date and he doesn't seem to continue the friendship). Role model good friend behaviour to him. Show him how friends interact.

Thank you, that's good advice. I will need to overcome my own shyness! I want to do it for my boy, but I worry about rejection. Do people like to be invited to play dates? How should I go about asking?

At this age I wouldn't worry. They tend to play alongside each other rather than with each other at this age. It is usually really age 4 or 5 they start interacting more. Play dates are a good idea though to get him used to other children. It's probably just a shyness thing which is stopping him from joining in. My boys have all been like that but now age 5 and 7 they have a lot of friends x

In my experience most people would jump at a chance of a playdate. Many people feel isolated with young kids so would love to meet up with another mum. Just try and talk to other mums that you know and suggest meeting up. If you have anyone's phone number you could always text them and ask if they'd like to come over to your place or meet up at a Play ground. If you get "rejected" it's no big deal. I'm quite a shy person but having 3 boys I've had to put myself out there to meet other mums so my boys could socialise. There were times I didn't even really like the other mums that much but I just got on with it for the sake of my kids ! It will be fine x

It is fairly normal at his age. I think you'll see a difference in big school.
I'd put him in an activity club if possible to help him interact as a team setting to improve his confidence.
DC get little worries and insecurities too. DS OT told me DS is comfortable around adults and not DC as adults are predictable DC aren't.

Such kind posts, thanks again. I am feeling a bit more confident xx