Is an 18 year age gap between children too much?

[Biggem36]

Hi, what is the biggest age gap between children? I'm 35 and have been with my partner for 17 years. I have a daughter from a previous who is 18 in a few months. OH has no children. Lately I have felt that I have left it too late to have another child as the age gap would be too big and it would feel like parent and child for my daughter rather than sisters. But I have this longing for another child that I want to have with my OH and to give him a child. Its something we've never talked about and the years have just passed. OH adopted my daughter so as far as hes concerned, she's his. He raised her. Now I feel like I have left it too late for us to have more children.

I'm 45 and have 5 siblings aged from 42 down to 22 (mum remarried so 3 of us with my dad 3 with stepdad). I've got a great relationship with the younger ones - I was away at uni / moved out by the time they came along so I used to pop and see them regularly then when they were a bit older and I was more settled I'd have them for sleepovers. I never felt 'maternal' towards them though - they're my brothers and sisters.

I'm lucky in that we're all really close though we don't see each other all the time due to geography. But I wouldn't change our family for the world.

Though I have to say I was APPALLED as a late teen/early 20s person that my mum was still reproducing

My eldest was 12 and then sixteen When I had his half siblings.

There won't be anything to happen if you're on contraception. Seems like you should be talking to your husband .

Yes it's a huge age gap. Have a baby because you want one, not for an sibling as that boat has passed.

I think it would be fine but don't expect them to necessarily be close. They may be, plenty of people here have said they are to younger siblings. There is a big gap between my mother and her sister though and they aren't close at all.

My aubt was living her life back then and didn't have time for a baby. They don't really speak now, maybe once a year. But then, that could just be them. I know other siblings much closer in age who don't get on either.

There is a 17 year gap between me and my sister. She moved out when I was about 6 but we have a good relationship. People think I’m her daughter though! 😂

Age gap wouldnt be a concern as there wont be a sibling relationship as such. It will be like having an only child. Depends if dp wants to do baby years again or just enjoy life without any young children to tie you both down.

My mum had all her children 10 years apart. There's 10 years between my brother and I, 10 years between my brother and sister, and 20 years between my sister and I.
I loved being much older as I could be much more involved. It worked for her.
Personally we won't be having another until our first is settled at school. He's starting in September so will be a few years yet

I think it's absolutely fine, they would just grow up as a single child as such, obviously they would have a sibling and that would be clear to them, but in a sibling to grow and play with, they would be more like an only child, which is absolutely fine.

There's 18 years between me and my sisters (they're twins)
I wouldn't say it's the best thing because when I was born they were busy with their lives and I was an annoyance. Now I'm older we do get on but all very separate lives.
As people have said, they'll be growing up completely separate to each other so that's the main thing.
I've always resented a little that mom was so young when she had them and much older with me. So though when I was younger it wasn't a problem, they got more time where she was hands on with grandkids and going out places and stuff.
There's always been a lot of tension on their part that I was the youngest and the baby so got a better upbringing (not true) and people thought I had lots of support. When in fact it's quite lonely.
Whatever you decide though will work for your family.

I have a 18 year gap from my first to my second! had dd2 at 34 and dd3 at 37. I was shattered with dd3 though and my body suffered!! Dd1 25 now loves the girls dearly.

Have the conversation now.

There are 29 years and 26 years between me and my (younger) half siblings. The dynamic is quite obviously different - we’ve never lived together and they’re still young - and I imagine it’s more like an auntie relationship than a traditional sibling one but I adore them (and they me, I think 😂)

Have you never discussed it in the last 17 years? Surely that tells you he is ambivalent at best about the idea?

My eldest sister is 18 years older than me. There’s a few more in between and I don’t really have any memories of her living at home but we are definitely sisters. I love her. We share the same history (from different perspectives). She is absolutely my big sis.

My mum was 18 when her sister was born. They were the closest two in age, my mum also had 2 older brothers who were married. It was in the 1960s though so different generation from now. My grandma was very em surprised by her late pregnancy but overall it worked out ok. My mum was a surrogate parent doing nursery pick ups and later on parents evenings as my grandparents were so much older. My auntie was inconsolable when my mum left home to get married. She was only 4 and could not get her head around my mum living in another house. I don’t think you could expect it to be a normal sibling relationship. However my mum is now 77 and her sister 59 so the gap doesn’t seem as big!!

I have a friend who has 25 years between her oldest and youngest children, with 4 others in between. All 6 are full siblings.
I have another friend in her 40's who is the eldest child. She has 7 other siblings and half siblings ranging from adults to young children. The common link is they share the same father.

Your other child is pretty irrelevant here OP. They won’t be like siblings in a sense that they will play together and be into the same things, at the same stage of life.
If you and your partner want a child, and to go back to baby/ toddler stage etc then do it.

My eldest sibling is 19 years older than me. He was at university when I was born and he didn't return home after uni so we didn't grow up together.

I'd say if you want another child go for it. Your daughter is on the cusp of her own life.

Mine are 36, 33 and 18. The 36 and 18 year olds are absolute best mates.

Mine are 25, 22 and 10, obviously it's your call in the long run but the age gap has never been an issue for us, they're all super close 😊

Anything over 5 years is an only child as far as I understand it. My exh has 20 years between him and the next and 44 between him and the last.

They're all like only kids.

I’m 27 and my dad had just had another baby. It was one of the reasons I went no contact with him really.

You are still young and the age gap is just an age gap. There is 17 year gap between me and my youngest sister. At the beginning it was like mother daughter relationship but that changed very quickly. She used to follow me around and get super excited at almost everything. Our relationship has changed now and she comes to me for advice (sometimes), when she finds it awkward to talk to mom.

There's 18 years between me and my little sister! 19 actually until her birthday in a few months. I love it but she sometimes feels abit left out as we were 10/14/18 when she was born so she feels like she missed out on having siblings to play with but she loves all the attention she gets from all of us! My mum was 39 when she was born

There’s a 16 year age gap between my DD (17) and DS (10 months).
It’s lovely to watch them together, they absolutely adore each other. The age gap seems irrelevant now.
If you really want another baby, go for it.