DH thinks I’m unreasonable RE neighbours

[Peevedmama]

NC, penis beaker, penguin bollards etc🤣

I’m losing my rag with both my neighbours and my DH. My neighbours don’t control their 4 children at all and they have damaged our property on multiple occasions. They regularly trespass through over our gate to play in our paved front garden and do so to all the other houses on our street. They use them to play football and with a basketball. We all have reasonable sized back gardens so it’s not like they haven’t got anywhere to play. They’ve put multiple dents in our front door and cracked the glass. They’ve also broken one of our bins. I daren’t say anything incase the parents kick off as they clearly don’t care. DH thinks I should just ignore it as the house is rented but I still care about the condition of the house we live in. I have sent an email and photos to the estate agents to forward to the landlord and I’m hoping she will speak to them. I doubt the parents will fess up and pay for the damage!

It’s causing a rift between DH and I and I honestly hate him now. He shouts at me and tells me I’m being pathetic when I hear the bouncing of footballs and get worried that one is going to come smashing through our living room window. Funnily enough he lost his job at the start of lockdown so it is just me paying for the property. He clearly doesn’t care because he doesn’t have to pay for the house that’s damaged.

I’m losing my mind. I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with this every single day!

I would hate it, and I would move.

Speak to your neighbours Op - surely doing that can't be worse than your current situation? If that doesn't work I'd think about looking for somewhere to move to - without the DH.

Is the paved area shared or are they coming on to your property?

Sorry to hear about your DH’s job, OP. That must be tough for both of you.

Rather than directing your frustration at each other though, surely you should be speaking to your neighbour and trying to address the issue? If it bothers you that much then I think you need to be more proactive than just sending emails to the agent in the hope that the landlord will deal with it. Maybe your DH finds your unwillingness to tackle the issue head-on frustrating?

I expect you’re both very stressed so try and be kind to each other.

I’m in a slightly similar situation to you. I’ve put up with the neighbours for 6 years! When they moved in their boy battered our fence. Put up a new one and has battered this also. I am sick of them. I literally feel so much rage towards them and their brats! They have zero control over them. My kids are not allowed to do half of what they get up to. I feel these idiots think they own the place. They have zero respect for my property which we own by the way not rent so you can imagine how more frustrated I am with DH for not giving a crap. I’m actually to the point where I feel I need to divorce him as he shows no support to at all. I’m terrier the halls are going to hit my kids on the head and hurt them but he doesn’t care at all. They also play with heavy basketball type balls not plastic but leather and heavy duty. Sympathies with you I know how annoying it is

I’m terrier the halls stupid autocorrect! I mean terrified

So ask your Dh is he happy for your landlord to charge you for all the damage these kids are doing? Madness that he will sit back and let it happen.

I think doing what you are already doing (speaking to the landlord) is the right thing. If the landlord is aware, then at least you shouldn't have to pay for the damage they have done.

Is moving an option? Do the family own their house or rent?

I’m also trying to get to the bottom of why he doesn’t care in my situation. In terms of your DH is he relaxed about everything else? Mine likes to pretend problems don’t exist in all areas of his life

Are you renting your hours? If so, is your husband really so blasé about losing your deposit?

Are the kids in your property? You need to tell them to leave when they are.

maybe your husband is depressed about losing his job, and he cannot deal with one more worrying thing.
esp with so much unemployed now.
could you approach local council /police re anti social behaviour.
but they will probably need you to have written to the neighbours first.
you could also try to talking to them, but don't say too much, as it could get heated. need to evidence in writing that you have brought it to their attention.

Fuck.That. you need to speak to the parents.

I think hating your husband for it is unfair. I don’t think he’s in the right by the way but you just have different standards. But hate seems a bit strong.
Just step up..inform your neighbours politely and say you’ve let the landlord know. Keep documenting the damage. There doesn’t need to be a big confrontation although you might get told to fuck off. But at least you have taken reasonable steps.

Does your husband realise you risk losing your deposit because someone else is too lazy to watch their children?

YANBU

We had similar. "GET OUT" on repeat stopped the front garden stuff in about 3 weeks.

Chuck your useless husband out, he sounds like an absolute waste of space. See how he gets on when he's having to pay for a place by himself. Then once he's gone, tell the neighbours to get the fuck out or you're calling the police

I didn’t even think about our (£750) deposit. We also have children so could easily be lying and blaming the neighbours for the damage. He’s generally like this all the time as he wasn’t raised well and thinks it’s normal, ‘kids are kids’ etc. He told me he smashed someone’s window with a ball when he was a kid so it’s the norm to him.

Thank god I’ve sent an email to the LL otherwise we’d be stuffed when it comes to getting our deposit back. I’ve ordered a cheap cctv camera to point at the front garden so can prove they keep coming in and playing there.

I hate to break it to you but it doesn't matter whether the neighbours kids did the damage or yours. You have responsibility for the property while you are renting it therefore it is YOUR responsibility to not allow damage in the first place but also to repair any damage done

Sympathies OP.

You are wasting your time talking to the parents or the kids. When I told a neighbours children to get out of my garden, their idiotic mother called me all kinds, bad mouthed me to the rest of the street, and another neighbour (whose kids were also there) told me he'd knock my face in if I dare speak to his kids again.

I complained to the police, they said it was not a matter for them and suggested I build a bigger wall around my garden with a locked gate and security camera .

Honestly these idiots won't change. And it's not even a renting debate either, one set of my neighbours own their home. Doesn't stop them being scummy arseholes though.

in a way you are in a stronger position because you are renting.
except for the deposit, which you will lose by not protecting/maintaining the property. i think to avoid this liability you would have to report it to the police as criminal damage, and get a crime ref number. but if the children are below 10 years, they are not criminally responsible anyway.
and even above 10, the police would not take action re crime.
they might have a word with the parents though.
the advantage to renting is that you can try to involve the authorities.
if you owned, it would put a black mark against the house, make it difficult to sell/ reduce the price.
why don't you try talk to the neighbours. do they know what's happening

If the neighbor kids damage your house, you need to go next door, tell the parents, and put them in contact with the landlord to arrange reimbursement for the repair.

Sprinkler system...
Stand back and enjoy!!
Once hosed a little shitneighbour who constantly kicked a football against our gates..
No regrets...