Health Anxiety I can't cope anymore

[yarncakes]

I've had this for 15 years and this year has been the worse it has ever been for obvious reasons. I was so afraid of dying and the thought of death sent shivers down my spine but life is crap now and so is suffering from HA on a severe scale that I just wish I could leave this earth without knowing about it and not suffer anymore. Every single moment of every day, all I am thinking about is corona. When I have a tickly throat, I shoot up in a panic and my DH asks me what's wrong, I said nothing I just need the loo so I go but I'm pacing up and down, sweat dripping off me and worried I am now going to develop a cough. It was hot yesterday, but I felt like I had a temperature and again, all day I was thinking about that and took paracetamol to feel cooler. I got tested for covid (I'm a key worker) 8x so far and each time has, thankfully, been negative. My last test was last week and that came back neg. It doesn't put my mind at ease though. I only get it done because it is a requirement by my manager. I've tried every single strategy to overcome this but nothing is working. I am so done with worrying and being scared. It's making me tired of it all. I am done with it :'( my other worry is getting corona and then passing it onto my vulnerable DH. The thought of it makes my body tense up and go in a sweat. It petrifies me.

That sounds incredibly tough. It must be difficult with the real concern of passing the illness on to someone vulnerable, mixed with HA What strategies have you tried? Just so people don't suggest things that haven't worked for you.

I had health anxiety triggered by the birth of my son and a lipoma in back, this went on for about 2 years, it is crippling. You understand you have health anxiety, so good. Next time you have a panic, tell your self 'i have health anxiety' try and connect with your body and how you are actualy feeling, try and sift passed the fear and the way it makes you think your symptoms are worse or are certain disease, dont google, that was the worse thing for me. If you need to see a doctor do. My health anxiety was broken after I had a 'cancerous' lump examined and the doc wasnt phased by it, nor were they about by previous lumps apart from the lipoma which as not typical of a lipoma, it reset my way of thinking and made me stop jumping to the conclusion that I had cancer. Also by not allowing my self to constantly check or feel or look, it was hard but because I told my self when I got the urge not to do my routine I broke it. I know you've been suffering for 15 years so it's a much harder pattern to break, perhaps some therapy could help or talking with others who have health anxiety, if you can recognise that others are having these thoughts it might make you reassess your own feelings.

Have you had CBT? You can ring and self refer to your local IAPT.

In the meantime start working through this self help work book

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Health-Anxiety

And try some calm breathing exercises from YouTube.

It’s never too late to try get help, even if it didn’t work the first or second or third time. Your only alternative is to live with it so don’t give up! Health anxiety is very treatable.

I do feel for you. I suffer with anxiety in other areas of my life and actually felt a bit of HA coming on with corona. I have snapped out of it now.

However, I have a friend who suffers terrible with HA. Similarly to you. She suffers in other areas too. She knows when it started (as a child) and has started speaking to someone about it which she says is helping her a bit but she is still in a really bad way. I think she fears passing it on more than getting it but also getting it too. She is young, not vulnerable, literally not been anywhere. Has food shopping delivered. She works at a school and I've no idea how she will ever go back in September. Like no idea. She has supposed to have gone in a couple of times in the last month but each time, she'd imagined symptoms and convinced herself not to go in (they weren't really symptoms, it was psychological)
I am so worried about her, it is not healthy not to be going anywhere and of course increases the anxiety further.
Have you spoken with anyone OP?

Thanks for that link sharkerr

Could you be in peri-menopause, op? One of the most common issues with peri is the onset or massive increase of anxiety.

I'm with you OP - diagnosed with GAD about five years ago. I get flare ups and it's crippling, I'm actually considering trying medication when I can get a GP appointment.

Previously tried CBT and it was helpful, but hasn't stopped my thoughts escalating.

That's interesting aquamarine, I think I started getting HA when I was perimeno but I still have it even though I'm through the menopause

I'm crippled by it just now, am living in fear of the unknown

I feel exactly the same!! No so much with corona but constantly worried about dying and/or having cancer.
I know that worrying about it won’t stop it happening but I just can’t help it.

I have started on some medication but it’s early days and actually feeling worse rather than better the min - fingers crossed it’ll kick in soon. I have also self referred for CBT but there is a long wait in my area.

I completely understand that debilitating feeling, I try to keep myself distracted and busy a lot of the time and find that by doing that I’m not thinking about the anxiety as much. It’s hard though, I really empathise.

I hope you can find some relief from the anxiety.

@Renogirl, can I ask what medication you have started? I feel exactly the same as you.

Sorry to hijack your thread op. I'm just feeling desperate.

I have suffered this for years myself. It’s truly debilitating and I’ve spent years being ridiculed over it . I’ve been ‘recovered’ for about 3 years but having quite bad flare ups recently.

Health anxiety is all consuming and, for me at least, it didn’t help that I knew what it was and could say to myself that it was just the HA making me overreact. It was still debilitating. I lived with it and monitored it for a very long time, and was able to recognise the point when it became uncontrollable without help. Go speak with your GP... there are options to try, be that therapy or meds. I went on meds (Sertraline) and it made the world of difference, but it does take some time to settle on meds to be prepared for a bumpy few weeks or months if you go that route. Was on them for a year, came off, and five months later the HA returned full strength, so went back on meds long-term with full support of the GP.

Thank you all for your messages so far. I shouldn't be peri menopausal as I'm only in my late 20s..well I hope I'm not! I haven't had access to CBT either. I am feeling extremely bad today. I am shaking, dropping things, I also have a cough (not constant) which I think is just nerves.... I am so done with my life.

I have HA too so I know what you are going through. It is so exhausting.

Mine has gotten a bit better the last couple of months thankfully. What has helped me is actually writing down my thoughts and then rationalising them. I used to try and do this mentally but it never really helped, but actually writing them down helps. For example I might down "My heart feels like it's racing, I think I am having palpitations" and all my worries about what that meant (I don't want to write them incase they trigger you). Then I will rationalise. I will write something like "yes my heart is racing, that is a symptom of anxiety. I have had this happen many times before and each and every time it has been because of anxiety. Even if it is a heart problem I just need to go to the GP about it and they will find a solution. However it is likely to calm down soon as it usually does. My mind is catastrophising by thinking a simple symptom of anxiety is indicative of a life-threatening illness". It sound so simple but I think it has trained me to acknowledge that it is my mind jumping to the worst possible conclusions that are causing me anxiety rather than the world being a place where bad things always happen.

I found the book called "Overcoming Anxiety" by Helen Kennerley really helpful. I am not a self-help book kind of person at all but I saw that it was recommended by Reading Well (books that are recommended by psychiatrists and other healthcare professionals) so thought it was worth a read as it was only 99p on Kindle.