To think I’m to big to..handle?

[Biggishbutindenial]

Name change as massively outing.

So my husband and I have been married for 5 years. Two kids. Both under 4. I never lost the baby weight from baby number 1, and baby number 2 tipped me up to over 4 stone heavier than when we first got married.

Now, he has put on a lot of weight too - there’s a definite pot belly there now- but in the last 2 years since our youngest was born we have had ‘relations’ of any description less than 5 times. In 2 years. Now I’ve tried a few things - marching underwear, romantic date nights, and I’ve enrolled in the gym and pre lockdown lost a stone and was doing well! But whatever I try - if I ever ask him for an early night; or a playful remark about maybe - a bit of mid day fun whilst we’re still working from home - he literally looks like I’ve asked him to volunteer for dental surgery.

So - AIBU to think it’s my fault for piling on the pounds? I know it partially is but I’ve asked him outright and he said no!

I don’t want a sexless marriage, but I love him, our kids and our lifestyle.

Have you asked him?

Do you think you could have gone so long without having much sex that he now feels almost awkward about it ?

Dunno I’m the same, 4 stone over

Sadly my husband is v athletic And really handsome and I fancy the socks off him but have no confidence Left

And still I eat!!

I genuinely don’t think most men worry about this sort of thing. I’m always worried about DTD with unshaved legs and the like by DH has repeatedly told me he doesn’t give a fuck. You may be having sex less because you have too very small children? 😴

Do you think you could have gone so long without having much sex that he now feels almost awkward about it ? This happened to us. We've not resolved it and it's made our relationship much harder.

I have put on about 2 stone since before kids. The other day we were watching the Ozarks and there was a bigger woman at the strip club (not fat just curvaceous size 14ish) My DH (presumably without thinking) flinched and took an intake of breath when he saw her. She was smaller than me I think. It really hurt. To be honest I don't really want to sleep with him after that it's the last straw in a long line of straws which have made me feel ugly and pointless.
Ask yourself this... If you were madly in love and your partner put on weight would you honestly stop wanting to be with them? If the answer is no then there's more to this.

With my DH I suspect he's gone off me. I can't speak for yours but I will say that if he has then it's his problem not yours. It's not the weight by itself it's the symbolism, your priority is your babies now. that's what it is with my DH I think.

I’m with a previous poster op. Sometimes when life gets in the way (or my chronic illness tbf) I sometimes feel really awkward about having sex if it’s been a while, almost like I’m worried I’ve forgotten how 😂 You won’t know what’s wrong until you talk to him but you know this.

No advice OP but I want to know what ‘marching underwear’ entails

Do you have drums to go with your marching underwear? Or maybe a trumpet?

I think one of the other PP has said about feeling awkward because it's been so long. I can relate to this as I was breastfeeding libido went right down to non existent and after many a rejection my DP stopped trying. When the hormones kicked back in 15 months later I really wanted him to try it on again and felt far too awkward to initiate it. Almost like we were strangers again any way one drunken night out after a few drinks and some alone time things went back to how they were before DC.

Maybe you need to physically reintroduce some passion i. E more kisses and hand holding and stroking his body. If he doesn't like it obviously you know it's something that has changed in attraction.

I think you’re going to have to bite the bullet and ask him. Or you could get the weight off, but that might not be the problem. If you carry on in silence you’re confidence is going to be zero soon enough.
You sound like a positive determined fun woman, I hope it works out.