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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have DS16 plan day trips for us?

40 replies

00100001 · 20/07/2020 19:22

DS16 has been organising day trips for us since he was about 12. It all started when he wanted to go to Brighton, and I said, fine, we'll go if you organise it all... It was successful, he booked the train etc.

He has just recently planned for us to go to the south coast for 5 days, including a couple of places to visit and had chosen two places to eat. As well as where we're staying, how we're getting there. We give him a budget, and pay for what he decides.

I was chatting to my friend and they think I'm unreasonable to "expect my child" to do this.

I think it's good for him to be able to do this kind of thing. We did a trip to the new forest, and he didn't think about what to have for lunch. So we prompted him. And since then he's good.hes learned things every time.

I know it's unusually, but is it unreasonable?

OP posts:
user1471447924 · 20/07/2020 19:25

If he enjoys doing it, and it works for your family then why not!? I’d have LOVED this when I was his age!

leafeater · 20/07/2020 19:25

Not unreasonable at all. He enjoys it and you all get to benefit. Wish my 14 year old would do it

cherrypiepie · 20/07/2020 19:27

I would have loved doing that! Such a geek at planning travel and things. So no YANBU unless you are forcing him.

Onceuponatimethen · 20/07/2020 19:27

I used to do this from age 14 on and it’s been incredibly useful as an adult!!

Perro · 20/07/2020 19:27

I wouldb say that you don’t ‘expect’ your DS to do it, you ‘allow’ them to. In doing so, you’re encouraging him to develop many life skills (planning, research, budgeting, consideration of others’ wants and needs, time management etc). Your friend is BVU.

underneaththeash · 20/07/2020 19:27

I used to do this for my family at that age - it makes him more involved and more likely to join in. I can't see the problem.

MsEllany · 20/07/2020 19:28

I think it’s a great idea, and you know what, I’m going to encourage mine to do the same.

How many threads on here about moany teens complaining about trips out with parents? Get them involved!

MojoMoon · 20/07/2020 19:29

Your child is 16 - not really much of a child.
He could leave home, join the army, have a baby....

Planning a holiday is not really an undue burden on him especially if he enjoys it.

Learn to ignore silly comments

Mmsnet101 · 20/07/2020 19:29

Great lessons in independence, budgeting etc... Life skills! It also shows him respect and trust letting him do it which is great. He obviously enjoys doing it too.

I don't see an issue with it at all!

heartsonacake · 20/07/2020 19:30

YANBU. If he enjoys it, why not? It’s a great learning opportunity to plan and organise, troubleshoot when issues arise etc.

newmum332 · 20/07/2020 19:36

As long as he enjoys doing it and is happy to continue with it I think it’s great skill to have for the future. Maybe check in with him that he’s still happy to do it , but otherwise I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 20/07/2020 19:37

We do this to a lesser extent, DS is 14 and not NT. It's great, but the main reason I recommend it is because you do what they want to do. I've had enough of trailing round a sulky teen.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 20/07/2020 19:37

YANBU I think this is fantastic and something I’d like to get DS into when he’s a little older.

Planning things is a life skill. I went on holiday with a friend in her 30s who had absolutely no idea how to get from airport to destination, pick a restaurant, buy train tickets or work out a route. She clung to me like a 5 year old the entire trip.

Lipz · 20/07/2020 19:39

It's brilliant and will stand to him when he's older. Imagine how much he will do as he's able to do it. When I met my now dh he never knew anything about travel, he didn't know how to check in at airports, or anything involved in security etc. Even staying at Hotels here at home he was like a giddy child when he stayed at a hotel. They virulent afford holidays so never went anywhere, which is fair enough but if your ds can and wants to arrange these holidays it's great.

FizzyPink · 20/07/2020 19:41

I think this is a brilliant idea! I wish my DP was this well trained in making plans for us rather than just going along with whatever I suggest every weekend

Lipz · 20/07/2020 19:42

*not sure where virulent came from lol should be they couldn't afford

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 20/07/2020 19:43

Its brilliant 'training" for when hes older. It's a life skill surely? Ds1 wanted to visit a particular building in London a couple of years ago so I told him we would visit when we were there but he had to workout the nearest tube station and get directions from there.

Nottherealslimshady · 20/07/2020 19:45

Sounds like a perfect plan. He learns an important life skill and it means he's less likely to moan while he's there and saves you a job. Awesome idea.

KitKat2020 · 20/07/2020 19:48

It’s a good idea to an extent. Strange that only one member of your family has sole responsibility for planning. When he is older, he will need to learn how to compromise etc.

bathorshower · 20/07/2020 19:59

Sounds like a great idea (which I'll filch to use with DD when she's older). And a great way of learning with a safety net - you don't want to end up hungry or stranded, so you'll point out holes in his plans.

Original poster
00100001 · 20/07/2020 20:10

Ok, to clarify... w don't expect him to do this, that was her words!
He likes doing it and asks if we can go to x place if he organises it. It's his not so sneaky way if getting what he wants and to go to places we wouldn't think of/suggest

We do stuff not organised by him Grin

And I wouldn't expect him to take on full responsibility for every little thing, it for major trips like ermm..going to Australia, New Zealand with a stop over in Hong Kong.

OP posts:
Allgirlskidsanddogs · 20/07/2020 20:12

Fabulous experience budgeting and great that he gets control.

Original poster
00100001 · 20/07/2020 20:13

He doesn't have to do the nitty gritty, for example, he doesn't have to check if we have annual leave...or travel insurance up to date...or oil in the car/tyres pumped up...

OP posts:
thebearwentoverthebumble · 20/07/2020 20:14

I think it's brilliant, what a good lesson on life skills, I wish I had been given an opportunity like that, I'm 33 and still rubbish! My son is 1 years old but it's got me thinking now, maybe when he is 8 or so he can 'plan' days out for us, seems like a really good lesson to teach him.

Original poster
00100001 · 20/07/2020 20:18

Yep, definitely can get little ones to do it.

Even if it's just getting them to find out how much tickets are, or opening times etc. Can also try and get them to work out what time to leave!

OP posts:
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