Am I right in thinking that if you are seperated then you are ok to consider yourself single in terms of dating etc?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Just asking because my ex is fuming that I was seeing someone (not anymore, but thats "not the point") because I am, in his words, a married woman and therefore its adultery.

Surely its adultery if it is what causes the end of the marriage and not when you start seeing someone after the marriage has ended but before divorce?

We have not lived together for almost 2 years and although I could divorce for unreasonable behaviour as he was very violent, I decided not to poke the bear and wait for 2 years so its no fault. In all honesty I still think he harbours a hope that I will have him back, even after all he did, so probably considers it cheating.

The irony that he is accusing me of adultery when he cheated throughout our entire marriage is not lost on me......

Sorry, didnt mean to enable voting......

YANBU = You are single once the marriage has ended even if not divorced
YABU = Its adultery as you are still married

Of course it's fine to date if separated. Otherwise he could drag the divorce out forever as a means of control.

I think you are morally in the clear once both parties know the relationship has ended. The legal stuff takes longer.

However, if I started seeing someone I would want to know if they were separated vs single/divorced.

I’ve been separated for over a year now, I considered myself single from the day we agreed it was over. I don’t doubt he’d still consider it cheating if he discovered I was dating someone even now but it’s really not.

Legally, yes he could divorce you for adulterly - but in practice you would have to sign the admission statement.

Morally, you should disclose to dating partners up front that you are divorced, as many have bad experiences dating separated people and prefer a completed divorce.

Other than that, crack on. You are no longer in a relationship. You may date.

YANBU. It might be considered courteous to not date from the second you separate - but I think you’re ok after two years!

What a knobber he is.

*aren't yet divorced

The guy I was seeing knew the situation, he knew my ex so was fully aware. I would want to know too if it was me.

It is by definition adultery to take another partner while still married. Whether anyone gives a damn is another issue. Most people don't, although some people have cut off points in their head about what they would feel ok with personally. The fact that is the morally ok doesn't make it not technically adultery.

I was separated for 18 years before I got divorced. I certainly considered myself single.

Ex didn't want to divorce as he held out hope for years that we would get back together. By the time he accepted it I had been on my own so long it just didn't concern me. If I had pushed for divorce he would have been an arse about it. When he decided he wanted to get married again he clearly had to get divorced first. I left him to it and just signed the papers as necessary.

He's being a bastard.

@ShinyFootball

He's being a bastard.

Well, why change the habits of a lifetime?!

I actually didnt know that it was still considered divorce if you are seperated....every day's a school day!

But thankful to know that I am ok to date!

*Still considered adultery if you are seperated but not divorced.....duh!

Yeah exactly once a bastard always a bastard.

Have a good time and don't let him get to you

Well theoretically...

But if our great leader Boris can get engaged while still married, and hardly anyone batted an eyelid, then I really don't think you should concern yourself! He's just trying to make you feel bad.

He's trying to control you (he sounds like that type of person)...of course it's OK to date, your marriage is effectively over.

I don't think he can divorce you for adultery, anyway. You've been separated, and there would have to be evidence of sex. Going on dates, kissing, etc, doesn't count, from what I understand.
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Imo it’s fine to date when separated but I can understand why it would hurt the other half of the separated couple. That said, it sounds like your ex is an arse so I wouldn’t feel bad about it at all.

Technically it’s adultery to sleep with someone else whilst married apparently.

However I think nobody in the world would consider it so if you’re separated. And I mean properly separated in that both parties in the marriage know they’re separated! (I’m sure there’s some men on Tinder who state they’re separated but it would be news to their wives....)

He couldn’t stipulate adultery for divorce proceedings anyway, there’s a six month time limit from discovery of the adultery to use it as grounds and its notoriously hard to “prove” legally.

So in summary he’s a tosser and you can crack on.