To be in awe of other parents?

[enchantedspleen]

Guys.
How in God's name do any of you make plans/appointments/do school runs with kids?!
I am utterly in awe.
My DD is 10 weeks and she has settled into a relatively loose routine, but I have no idea how to essentially live anymore!
I am constantly running around the house doing housework and baby care. All day, moment I open my eyes to when I go to sleep. I have even done loads of laundry in the middle of the night after feeds just so im on top of it. But the house never gets tidy. I'm never satisfied! There is always something that needs to be done.
Then there's appointment. Today I had a fitness class at 10. I was up at 7:30. Fair enough amount of time? No! Baby decided on the way out of the door (I was taking her to my mum's first) that she was starving and had to be fed. I was very nearly late!
How does any mum or dad do anything? Like ever?
Does anyone have any tips?

I am not worthy, seasoned parents of mumsnet!

I always factor 15 minutes more into when I need to leave so if I need to be gone by 10.30 I’ll plan to leave at 10.15 to leave room for feeds, toddler melt downs, me forgetting things.
Also someone told me once always have your changing bag ready to go so you aren’t trying to pack it last minute. When I get home I restock it with nappies, wipes, clothes or whatever so next time I can grab it and go.
I was frequently late (sometimes still am) until I realised all this

Fitness classes?!

Just what i was thinking managedmis lol

We didn’t do fitness classes, we sit in on it bums eating cake

The housework can go do one!

I think you'll find that you're not much different than a lot of parents...

I was definitely less ambitious with my social plans than you are OP. I think that becoming a parent I had to readjust my expectations of what I was going to be able to do/how long it would take me to do it. There are definitely parents out there who seem to be able to do it all, but I don't know any. All of my friends are very honest about things they've cut out/miss out on doing just to maintain a bit of their sanity.
Things like housework etc. you will eventually reach a point where you're keeping on top of stuff, but it might not be at the level you were doing it pre baby (not saying things getting really scuzzy etc. but just that you might be doing larger wash loads more frequently etc.) And then there are days where- as a PP has put- you just need to sit on your bum, eat cake, laze around playing with baby and forget about the housework for a little bit.

Because you have to.

I vividly remember changing the time of my appointment for my 8 week check with DS1 because it was 9am and I couldn’t work out how to get out of the house on time.

By the time DS3 came along, DS1 had literally just started in reception. So, when DH was back at work there was me, a 4.5 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn and we needed to be up, fed, dressed and at school for 8.45am. And yes, part of me was just more used to it, but part of it was knowing that it just wouldn’t be fair on DS1 to be late so it had to be done. I didn’t have to do it when I only had one child, so I didn’t.

And I never, ever went to fitness classes

Hi OP,
I had the same thoughts after I had my daughter. I often wondered how parents managed with multiple kids. It’s different as they get older though. They definitely consume most, if not all of your time as newborns.

Lowered my standards! I accept that my house often looks like a bomb site by end of the day. Now DD is 9 she helps with cleaning / tidying.

Get organised. I fill bags, sort school stuff etc.. the night before. I own 6 sets of uniform (one always dies!). I wash them all after school Friday and hang 6 hangers each with skirt, top, tights, pants, cardigan, hair bobble. Then every day she can just grab a hanger each morning and I have a spare in case she wears her breakfast.

Aim to leave 15 minutes early for everything. Then when I get to the car and she remembers she needs a pee we have time.

The biggest thing I did though was to have only 1. SO SO SO much easier than 2 or more

Ah. There is a secret method which, I'm afraid I cannot tell you. Once you are ready to know, another parent will tell you the secret.

I have 4 but remember feeling the same after dc1. My friend on baby 3 mentioned how she was taking a cake decoration class with her newborn and I didn't understand, I couldn't even manage a homemade pasta sauce!

However... (1) some babies are easier than others, (2) you do get better at it and (3) if you've got a tidy house, are on top of the laundry and are even thinking about doing fitness classes 10 weeks after your first baby arrived, you're doing really really well already!

The Organised Mum Method is really good for keeping a time on house stuff, I would put the baby in a sling or carry them around in a bouncer while I cleaned and danced around to music. Keeps you all busy! I try not to clean when babies are asleep, and save some time then to do something nice, like read a book, call my mum or do a fitness dvd at home (I like the Fourth Trimester by Sara Haley). You're doing great!

I have 4. 5yo, 2yo, 7mo twins. My life is more or less what you describe. Nothing ever happens linearly and there are always 10+ jobs being half done at any moment.

However, the things that keep us together are:

Laundry every single evening without fail (wash on, dry clothes folded and put away), all washing up/cleaning/tidying sorted before bed.

This means I start each day vaguely on top of it all. We've just moved house (with absolutely no help thanks to lockdown) and I let it slide for a couple of nights and it was almighty hell trying to get back a vague sense of civilisation (and took weeks). So, my top tip is don't let it slide. The catch up is just not worth it.

Ooh yes and forgot to say, ALWAYS everything ready the night before - baby bag, snacks, my own clothes. Take 15 minutes at 8pm or an hour at 8am, for reasons that I've never fully worked out.

I found the baby stage easy. They sleep loads and you can stick them in a sling/pram and they can't run off. The toddler stage is way more demanding. Honestly though I split from DS's dad when DS was 10 months old and we co parent so I've always had a bit of free time to do things for myself. I've also decided not to have any more children. DS is 7 now, life is a lot easier.

Chill. Baby didn't decide to be hungry. That's what babies do!!
Don't try and over do it, it's such a big life shake up. Give yourself plenty of time

Guys, thank you so much! I know, it's hilarious. I did a class in the local park distance friendly, pre baby I boxed 2-3 times a week so it's so important to me to get back into the swing of things (since pregnancy really did a number on me, SPD was horrific and i was on crutches!)

I think im probably just going to have to let things go a bit... My mil says I'm trying to be supermum a nd I need to slow down a bit...

I'm honestly grateful ladies!

Yeah..you need to chill

Do the bare minimum with house work: aim for clean and tidy not pristine.

Drop classes where you HAVE to be there on time and allow for flexibility

Make sure your bag is ready everyday so it’s there at a moments notice.

Have toys/baby bouncers/swings easy at hand so if you need to dash to the kitchen or bathroom quickly, there is somewhere safe to put baby down.

Yes she might cry, but sometimes it’s unavoidable

Haha Gigantic. I know she didn't decide to be hungry, bless her! I found it funny! It was just like "now?! Seriously?!"

I know I'm coming across naive as hell guys, I'm so sorry x

I think you just get used to it. The community midwife told me they deliberately arranged the early appointments for second time or more parents because they knew they’d by and large be more sorted or at least up because of the older children.

Both of mine were quite easy babies but I found a big step change in easyness from about 9m once they were in a 2 nap routine and good eaters. It’s much easier to get out the door when they become more predictable and don’t need feeding every 3 seconds. And then it gets worse when they hit an age where they can argue back and have a fit because they’re shoes are the wrong colour or they haven’t got teddy.

I remember feeling exactly like this after my first baby was born. I was thinking how the fuck do people actually get to live normal lives. Honestly OP it does get easier and calmer and it all becomes the new normal. I have three DC and after my last baby I had to have my eldest at school for 8.25 and always managed to be there on time without any issues. On my first I was stressed trying to get out to baby massage for 10.30 . Honestly give it time you will be fine.

You don't sound naive at all! Basically no-one, no matter how pulled together they look, tidy their house is, calm they seem, is on top of everything all the time. Promise! Things just gradually get a bit easier, then they hit a different stage and it all goes to pot again . I'd agree with allowing yourself more time than you think you need and going easy on yourself.

Do what you need to stay sane and this will benefit everyone. This might be exercise, keeping the house super tidy, letting it become a total tip. Live life for you and your family. Sounds like you're doing a great job already!

Don't apologise!!!!
We're all shit and amazing at the same time.
No one is a professional at this, it took us a year to chill out and just go with the flow, now we're relaxed, not stressing about bedtime or food. It seems to all be coming together. And this is our second... And I was a child carer for 10 years 😂

PUT. THE. HOUSE WORK. DOWWWWNNNN

1. Never schedule anything before 11am.
2. Factor in an additional half hour to get ready before leaving - things like needing a feed or poonami
3. Wash clothes rarely and only when needed.
4. Cook foods that don’t require too much prep - e.g. spag bol, use a food processor and then let it all simmer for hours.

BUT

Do take time for yourself. I’m in awe you’re already at fitness classes - I mean more like make sure you shower and brush your hair. Don’t martyr yourself for the baby.
Let the housework slide. I remember my mum telling me my skirting boards were looking dusty when I was on mat leave with 6 week old twins. thanks but not sure I’m bothered about skirting boards...well, ever tbh!
Don’t get baby into a routine where she’ll only sleep in a darkened room in silence. Honestly, you’ll thank your past self when you’re on holiday next year in Spain and she’ll happily nap while you nibble tapas.

STOP APOLOGISING! We’re all as clueless!

Congratulations on your baby, heed the advice of your MIL and slow down!

I've read all of these responses with interest because I feel exactly the same OP! My baby is 22 weeks now though and I can assure you the newborn stage is very very different to a 3 or 4 month old. I keep to a rough routine that normally means I can be somewhere for 2-2.30. other mums with kids are very understanding if I'm a little bit late! I like to go out in the afternoons because by then we should have 'banked' a few naps and can push her a bit longer between naps in the afternoon. But I also have friends whose babies sleep wherever and aren't in a routine, they just whack them in the sling or feed them to sleep and everyone's happy. Once you get more confident feeding out and about and your baby is less newborn-y everything gets easier. Not easy, mind, just easier!