12 year old and 6 year old playing COD

[bokchoy]

DP and I have his 12 year old nephew for a week. He gets along well with 6 year old son.

I have walked into the living room to find them playing COD (taking turns).
DP has just been in the living room 10 minutes before I walked in. I went in to sit with them as DP had gone to shower.

I've text DP asking if his let them go on the game to which he responded "I told them to go on the PlayStation"
So he wasn't saying yes or no to the question really.
This has really upset me and I find it inappropriate for children their age to go on such games. Turns out his nephew is alllowed on COD anyway. I'm I being unreasonable to be upset about this

YADNBU! That game is inappropriate for a 6 year old. Even my 11 year old doesn’t have it. I would be fuming.
My DCs are told that when they play computer games with younger children / cousins they can only play appropriate games. Plus I always check what they are playing. How did your DP not notice?

YANBU to be upset, your DP should have made it clear what games they could go on.

I definitely played games that were older than I should have as a kid, but I doubt I'd let my son do so.

DP honestly looks so unbothered by it that I started to think it must be me and maybe other parents think it's okay.

Should I ask him to have a word with his nephew? Like if his parents are okay with him playing such games it's fine (no judgement) but he should be mindful not to play them in front of my DS?

It's left me feeling abit conflicted/uneasy about my DS going to DP's sisters home as they were going to have him for a week also.

DP has just told me that his nephew is allowed on GTA as well. I don't know if the age makes a difference but his nephew is 13 next month?

Apparently his got the games on his phone

COD is an 18 isn’t it? Very inappropriate for a 6 year old and even an 11 year old. Is it DPs game? I’d be willing to bet DP knew they were playing it and that he doesn’t have an issue with it. I think you need to set clear boundaries with the kids and with DP. Your house, your rules.

YANBU would he allow your 6 year old to watch an 18 movie?
I've had similar from family 'well X is allowed that at home' and 'when Y was that age she was allowed to do that'
I make my boundaries clear and don't budge at all child ever missed out from being shielded from sex and violence as a small child.

No Child*

I suspect DP just didn't think. If it had just been your son, and he'd said he could play on the playstation, then your son would probably have chosen from whatever games he normally plays. Nephew, presumably, had a look to see what there was, and made the suggestion of CoD. DP just didn't think of that possiblity.

So DP's answer could well have been entirely truthful - he hadn't said anything either way about CoD, he'd just said they could go on the playstation, probably not hanging about to check as he disappeared off to the shower.

You just need to explain to nephew that, as DS is younger, he needs to stick to the games suitable for his age. And you and DP need to work out what to do about the 18+ games as DS gets older - if they're there, DS may start investigating for himself. At the moment, you probably have tabs on what he's doing all the time, but as he gets older, you won't. Entirely reasonable to ask DP's sister to make sure your son doesn't end up playing age-inappropriate games, too. I think most people would accept that 6 is too young - you might have more difficulty as he gets into his teens, though.

You could perhaps use this incident to ease the conversation with SiL:
"We were so silly - we just didn't think of the fact the Johnny would be allowed to play some of the games that Joey isn't. We'll know another time - and I thought I should warn you in case Johnny tries to show Joey anything he shouldn't when they're at yours. We've put the adult games on a different shelf now and explained to Johnny that he'll have to stick to the kids ones until Joey's in bed."

That is incredibly sad. I don't know how people can poison their kids like this.

Ah, GTA - that fabulous game where you can murder a prostitute so you don’t pay for the service you just received. Yes, that’s part of the game too.

Hell would freeze over before a 12yo who was allowed to play GTA would be left alone for even a minute to game with my 6yo.

@Ellisandra
My stepson wasn’t allowed to play GTA in our house, even when he was 18. Foul game

YANBU.
My 21 YO plays COD when he's home., but only when his 11 yo brother isn't around.

If your 6yo is your first child you're yet to have to deal with these challenges so it's worth thinking about now. In my experience LOTS of children are playing 18 games alone in their bedrooms.

It's abhorant.

My 13 year old is hankering after COD and GTA. Not happening.

@Ellisandra

Ah, GTA - that fabulous game where you can murder a prostitute so you don’t pay for the service you just received. Yes, that’s part of the game too.

Hell would freeze over before a 12yo who was allowed to play GTA would be left alone for even a minute to game with my 6yo.

Oh goodness me that sounds terrible!

YANBU about your 6yo (I wouldn't let a child of that age play or watch anything so violent) & I would be telling both DH & DN in no uncertain terms that it isn't allowed.

However, right or wrong, it's completely normal for a 12yo to play COD & other 18+ games in my experience. At least or was when I was a teen.

Most consoles have content filtering options to prevent minors accessing Rated content while unsupervised. Perhaps you could look into enabling this so your DH's ambivalence becomes immaterial?

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I have spoke to DP and been clear that I don't want DS seeing that kind of violence on games/movies.
If his nephew is allowed those games that's his parents choice but I don't want those games near DS.
I've spoke to DS about what games he can/ cannot play & watch.
I've asked DP to speak to his nephew also about what he can play around DS.

DP said that he used to watch 18's when he was 12 because his parents weren't bothered and he thinks that might be why he is more relaxed about it.

This has been an on-going conversation over the last 3 weeks as DP got a Spider-Man game which I didn't think was appropriate for DS to watch him on or play.

I think DP has been quiet irresponsible and I hope I don't have to keep going on about this.

I think I will need to speak to SIL before DS can stay over

YADNBU. Those games probably aren’t suitable until 14/15 at the very earliest IMO.

There is an option on COD to turn off the blood and any bad language which lowers the age rating. Essentially, it becomes a more like Fortnite. Or so DH and Ds tell me...

Your boyfriend had needs to wise up quickly that 18 films when he was 12 just isn’t the same thing.

The media is different - games are so much more addictive than a film.

And the ratings are different, as progressively more is accepted in lower rated films.

Update:

I found DS in his room watching TV, and go downstairs to find DP and his nephew playing COD. So I assume DP has decided DS can stay in his room while his nephew plays on the game.

Is it just me or DS shouldn't have to stay in his room to enable nephew to play these video games???!

Anyway I decided I'd take DS out for a walk to the shops so his not stuck in his room. Told DP, and now his asking me if I want to take his nephew too.