Aibu to avoid pil visit

[Splinkyplonk]

I am coming up with excuses for why my pil cant visit, by keeping myself really busy and being out etc.
The real reason is I am totally fed up of waiting on them when they come as they just sit there and want a constant stream of tea, meals and chit chat. They hate going outside so if it's nice weather I feel so trapped just sitting in my lounge all day long. After a week of juggling work and children and everything else I really don't want to spend my weekend hosting at the moment. Mil will follow me around to chat which is sweet so so incredibly annoying. The kids need my attention and I want to spend our precious free time doing things together, and not have another day monopolised by an activity that doesn't draw us closer. Pil don't play games with the children and just want to talk adult, so the children would end up going off to amuse themselves on gadgets etc.
I don't want to sit there talking to them all day either while dh sorts out food etc etc although he would probably get on with it fine. He would probably order take out.
I wish dh would just take the kids and visit them and leave me alone for a change.
Aibu by just avoiding them until he finally comes round to that idea himself? Feels childish but I don't see why I should be responsible for all their interactions.
There is no invitation to their house.

Yes, you're being ridiculous. Unless they visit every weekend, surely you can suck it up, sit inside and have an adult conversation for a couple of hours. Personally, I hate birthday dinners. They're expensive, the small talk with people I myself wouldn't choose to dine with is awkward, it fucks up my diet, and more often than not the foid is crappy, but it's not something that happens every day, so I suck it up and slap a smile on my face, because it makes the people I love happy. And I know they will suck it up and smile in return at my boring events. At its core, that's what relationships are.

Suggest it to him?

Given the situation I’d really push for a day out somewhere with a picnic.

They sound fairly innocuous though. You don’t have to like your in-laws.

How long do they want to come for? A weekend once or twice a year is different to a fortnight every 3 months. You have also let them set the agenda - get everyone tickets to the zoo, or use them as baby sitters so you can get a night out - involve them in your plans rather than pandering to theirs. Is there any reason they can’t fall in with what you’re doing? If they don’t like it? Tough. They can sit at home while you head off. They are your DH’s parents so he should be taking the lead on hosting anyway.

It would depend how often it was. Here and there I’d suck it up for the most part.
If the weather is good and I felt the kids would benefit from a run around in the park I’d still take them and offer PIL to come along. If they choose not to, so be it.
Or I’d organise an activity that, again, they can choose to engage in or not - baking/decorating for an afternoon tea break, a board game, etc.

I would love a day out or a picnic.
But they just won't do anything outside. They only want to come for house hosting.
I guess I could try again with an invitation somewhere.
They are pretty harmless and I know I am being grumpy but I just don't feel up to the whole charade anymore.

@Splinkyplonk

I would love a day out or a picnic. But they just won't do anything outside. They only want to come for house hosting. I guess I could try again with an invitation somewhere. They are pretty harmless and I know I am being grumpy but I just don't feel up to the whole charade anymore.

I think you need to reframe it as you're not doing it for them, you're doing it because it's something easy that you can do that is going to make your husband -who I'm assuming you love dearly- happy, and also because if the shoe was on the other foot, you wouldn't like him to be rude to your parents. That's why you do it. You don’t do it for them. They are a byproduct.

On the scale of annoying in-law behaviour this is pretty low down and I think you already know it. As long as its only every month or two it's fine.

I think you should impose a little of what you want though. Want to eat outside then set it all up before they get there. Want to go somewhere nice, pick that place carefully so you can set up in one area and play nearby with the children or go off and explore a for half an hour and them come back.

It's annoying if they are set in their ways but find a way of inserting a little bit of what you like into that and act like it's a done deal. Good luck, it sounds very dull.

Can you invite them at around 3 so they don't stay long?

How often do they visit?
How far away do they live?
Do they stay the night?
What happens if you suggest visiting them? They say no?
How old are your DC? If the GPS don’t engage with them then no point your DCs going to theirs either.

How often do they want to come? It doesn’t sound like a lot of fun but I’d push some of it back to your DH asking him saying he needs to sort out meals and tell your pil that they need to help themselves to cups of tea and perhaps just put stuff out for lunch for them to help themselves.
I’d insist on a day out and if they don’t want to come then you take the children anyway - something along the lines of “we’re planning on taking the children to specific place so we thought we’d all go” if they say no say we’ve promised we’ll go so I’ll be taking them anyway

You say there’s no invitation to their house...why don’t you invite yourselves there? It sounds like they do the same to you...
Surely the last few months have taught us that life is short, and unpredictable. Isn’t now the time to be making that special effort with family?

I think YAB a bit U. You don't seem to like them much but they seem fairly... normal? Unless there's a back story of course.

I would expect to make food, tea etc for people in my house as it's my house and they're the guests.

I can also understand them not returning the invitation - although that's a bit more unusual, they might not think they have the space for your DC, or they don't want to pull them away from their toys etc, or they don't want things to get broken maybe!

If you don't want to just sit inside, why not say when they ask to come over, "yes of course, we're doing X that day so you can join us" (even if that's only 'having tea in the garden' etc). If it doesn't work for them they can rearrange for a rainy day when you'd be inside anyway.

I'd set myself maybe a couple of hours making them tea in the living room before heading out with the kids for a walk or something. They can join or not and your DP could take over. That would be a compromise

My inlaws are like this, except that they prefer it if we go and visit them and sit around all day chatting and watching tv. It seems to be ok for us to go on a walk or visit a garden centre (pre covid) but yes I agree it’s very dull, but it makes them happy so we go 3 or 4 times a year for two nights and take iPads, books and work laptops and catch up on things or play a game.

YANBU to not want to host them but you do need to have them in your home and host them along with DH and not avoid them. You can always leave them and DH in for an hour or two and take the DC out to let off some steam.

Get DP to visit them, with the kids 🙂

YANBU.
I would just tell DH to take the kids over there, regardless of an invite or not. I’d be furious if my PILs sat there all day and ingored my DC too.