BIL wedding

[Gin4thewin]

BIL1 is getting married next year at a very popular tourist location, in summer holidays so that alone will cost us, i wont be able to get two lots of AL so itll either be doubled up as our summer holiday, which is not happening, or DP and i drive up without DC and drive home again the same night or other variation that will be a pain in the arse one way or another

the stag will be abroad, dp doesnt have a passport so will have the cost of that, the holiday, spending money, ill have to try and get time off work on top of trying to work out how well afford/manage the wedding on top. Neither BIL1 or his friends who will also be going have children, we do, so the thought of not having X amount of money to drink and piss down the drain is alien to them.

I feel shit that DP is unlikely to be able to go but ive not gone to at least 3 Hens in the last few years for the same reason, one being abroad and one was a Uk break

He's given you plenty of notice of the wedding. Yes take AL, yes take the kids and yes book somewhere local. Bil is family. Unless there is a massive back story you make it work.

I’m a bit confused as to why you would need to make it as a holiday Or go there and back in a long day.

What day is the wedding on? Could you not take the kids and stay in a bearish Premier Inn, Travel lodge, holiday inn (even half an hour away) have a look at prices now and buy it with cancellation for the night before and the night of the wedding? That would be a maximum of three days off work (assuming the wedding fell during work days) and to save costs you can take a pic nic to eat in the hotel room and even take cereal, milk and bowls to the hotel room to help keep costs down.

Wow poor BIL having the temerity to get married. If he had picked term time , you'd have complained about taking the DCs out of school.

I don't understand why you can't be away for one night without triggering annual leave unless you routinely work 7 days a week ?

It's a year away so tourist destination or not you should be able to get relatively inexpensive accommodation if you book now.

BIL is entitled to have his stag where he wants, it's not uncommon for these to be held in a European city as with cheap flights and hotels, it can often cost less than the UK equivalent. But in any case your DH doesn't have to go - he can have a UK night out with his DB instead.

Stag: he goes if he saves the money himself, work extra hours, sell things etc... and arrange some help with childcare. He'd got a year to do do.

Wedding, if it's just stress for you and there's nothing you look forward to, he goes, you stay home.

Do you actually have a question op? You’ve just presented it as a summary of facts.

If the question is, and I guess you wish us to guess, can you make your husband not go, then the answer is no. It’s his brother, it’s his decision ultimately he can discuss with you but ultimately it’s his choice.

It’s his brother he has to go to the wedding, you should all go I don’t see the issue. As for the stag again it’s his brother I think he has to go unless you are destitute, then his brother would understand might even offer to help out, as this is what you do for family. You inconvenience yourself, you make that extra trip, save a bit to be able to do these things. It’s a pain but it’s (hopefully) only once he’ll get married.

I don't think you want to go to this wedding, do you?

The stag do I understand. Hopefully DH will realise it’s unrealistic.

But the wedding...? Please don’t insist on making it joyless! You have a year to either find someone to look after DC for a night or two (how old are they? Could they go to their own friends? Or one of your relatives stay with them?) or to find a hotel nearby that will cater for all of you.