To think my friends behaviour is going to damage her child.

[Conair]

Long time poster.. changed username.

I have a friend who I have been close to since primary school.

She met a man quite a bit older than her over 10 years ago, he had three other children ( the youngest being 8 at the time)
My friend appeared to adore his children until she became pregnant (after going through years of fertility treatment ) when her DD was born five years ago , these kids suddenly became a burden.. it appeared that they could do nothing right, they were teenagers at this point and she couldn't deal with them... she moaned to me once that one of the lads had eaten a packet of crisps from her DD supply as if it was a really terrible thing to do.

In the end the kids moved out fuelled in part I believe by her as because they were teenagers and doing what I would say were normal teenage things... saying out late, smoking etc she couldn't cope and insisted her partner choose... he was caught in the middle but chose her initially he still saw his children but wasnt allowed to bring them Into the house and their DD wasn't allowed to be around them.

Fast forward to now he has left her.. they went to
Mediation where she is allowing him minimal access to his DD under the condition that his children aged 18, 20 and 22 ( with a child of her own) is not allowed contact at all with her. She also refuses overnight visits just in case her DD encounters them! She will only allow access with her present and she won't let him take their DD out as she works and wants to spend all her free time with her.

I am beginning to wonder if she is a narcissist, I have tried to reason with her many times over the years but she refuses to see herself as anything other than a victim. AIBU to think this friendship is over and she is keeping her DD from her siblings and nephew!

Are you sure you know the full story?

Well I know what she's told so nothing from his side.
Everything I have written she has said.

On the face of it, YANBU. You can’t possibly know the full story though.

They have been to mediation. If the result of mediation was such restricted contact then I think a PP is correct and you don't know the full story.
You don't need to be friends with her and you probably shouldn't be since you're very judgemental of her but fwiw if the mediator and her ex are happy with the arrangements, I have no idea why you are so invested in them and why you think you know better than everyone involved.

Everything I have written she has stated to me ( not second hand gossip)
I understand if it sounds unbelievable but If theres more to the story then she hasn't told me.
I haven't heard his side and I doubt I ever will now.

On the face of it, YANBU. Could there be more to it though? It seems a bit of an extreme reaction on her part.

Them breaking up is one thing but her allowing so little contact, especially only supervised and not wanting her daughter to be near her ex-husband's children seems quite extreme.

The mediation stated she needed to give him more contact but then lockdown happened.
She is allowing him the contact she feels is acceptable and has told me very recently if he doesn't like it then he will have to take her to court.

Well
When he takes her to court they won't tolerate these arguments.

But there could be lots of reasons why she hasn't told you everything eg just from threads on MN reasons for relationships with older SDCs breaking down and them moving out include the older SDCs developing health issues, addiction issues, being violent or unpredictable. Your friend wouldn't necessarily breach their privacy by telling you any of that.
A reason for such restricted contact could be her ex was abusive. Again, lots of women in that situation would rather be considered a 'narcissist' than a survivor of DV.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. Your question was about the friendship and it's obviously broken down so it's time to move on and let your friend and her ex manage their own relationship without judgement.

Well assuming there is no more to the story - he can and will get regular access including overnights .

I am assuming there was a reason mediation happened - it may well be he is planning to take her as that is part of the process

Dad needs to go to court. No court will restrict access like this unless her brothers are a severe risk to her.
Your friend is fighting a losing battle.

If it is how she says then hopefully if he is a good father he will take her to court to get a proper arrangement put in place to see the daughter. Poor kid

No abuse or violence as far as I know as she's normally very open. Very very open

The step children were getting into scrapes but nothing abnormal, one lad was lazy and reluctant to work, and the girl moved out and got pregnant very young.

She openly admitted she didn't love him and said if he gave her a lump sum she would move out.
He left her a while after.

Mediation is not a judges decision it's the agreement of both parties. So if they have decided not to let the daughter see her siblings that's the agreement made between herself and her ex. She seems from her own words to be all out for herself, with little consideration for her daughter, ex and extended family. He needs to get a solicitor, go straight to court and let the magistrates make a decision based on what's best for the child. Poor kid, what a mess she must be, divided loyalties, don't know who to trust.