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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be increasinly unbothered about the breast feeding support thing?

60 replies

wildpatch · 29/09/2007 16:34

now that breastfeeding is becoming an increasinly distant memory, i am finding less and less emotional energy to put into the whole support breastfeeding issue.
i am pro breastfeeding. and believe very firmly in a childs right to human milk, but,
just stick the baby on your boob, cover it up, and get on with it.
or, feed your baby something out of a bottle, and stop moaning about other people using their breasts for what they were designed for.

being a good parent is about so much more than just the type of milk you feed your baby in the first months of its life. jack the ripper was probably breastfed, look how wonderful a man he turned out to be. and most kids born in the 60's etc were bottlefed. they seem to be fine. (generalisation here, pls dont jump on me for inaccuracy of this fact)

aibu, or does anyone else feel so lacka(something, cantremember the word!)

OP posts:
kiskidee · 29/09/2007 19:24

no we don't bumpy because as you can see, some people just move their angst into AIBU. lol

i wonder who did the survey which that 'the pro-bf lobby', whoever they are, look down their noses when others contemplate buying a carton of formula. lol.

kiskidee · 29/09/2007 19:25

which concluded that...

beansprout · 29/09/2007 19:26

It's easy to take the views of a few extreme people and suggest that is characteristic of everyone who takes a general position. For example, on another thread, c-sections are to blame for all manner of problems later in a child's life, but I don't then assume that the "natural childbirth lobby" all hold this view.

bumperlicious · 29/09/2007 19:32

i think pro-bfers can sometimes seem to be forcing their values on people who comtemplate ff, but I think what many people are actually doing trying to do is offer support if people do want to bf in spite of difficulties, and to make sure people explore all avenues before switching if switching isn't really what they want to do.

puffling · 29/09/2007 19:38

It's not about earnest mnetters who can or cannot breastfeed, the issue is the millions of ordinary women who wouldn't contemplate breastfeeding and that combined with poor diet, poverty etc. is costing them their health and putting a huge burden on the country's coffers.

Acinonyx · 29/09/2007 19:39

Niecie, christy - quite so. I feel the same.

welliemum · 29/09/2007 19:45

Perfectly reasonable to feel that it's not important to you.

Perfectly unreasonable to feel that if it's not important to you, it shouldn't be important to anyone.

Which I know isn't what you're saying, but you're kind of veering in that direction

welliemum · 29/09/2007 19:45

Perfectly reasonable to feel that it's not important to you.

Perfectly unreasonable to feel that if it's not important to you, it shouldn't be important to anyone.

Which I know isn't what you're saying, but you're kind of veering in that direction

welliemum · 29/09/2007 19:47

agggghhhh, sorry about double post. Has made it seem much more vehement than I meant it to be!

bookthief · 29/09/2007 19:57

Btw, as I'm sure you know really, most of women were ff in this country so unfortunately our mothers couldn't benefit us with their experience.

Even my mother who bf couldn't help much except with moral support (which was invaluable though) as the advice she was given about bf in the 70s - 4 hourly feeds, max 5 min a side, cooled boiled water to supplement was pretty much set up to fail the women who tried it.

I had a bad time, I got through it with the help of some brilliant people and I know that I was lucky to get that help as it's not routinely available. I'm not so far past it that I don't care that other women are uneccesarily struggling with bf although the memories of the early days are thankfully receding.

Lorayn · 29/09/2007 20:01

Surely being a parent and having the knowledge available you should understand that it does make a huge difference, as does weaning too early, as do many other things.

It is fine for you to not be particularly interested anymore, but advertising/exposure etc is needed in as many places as possible, so that those people who might like to breastfeed get every possible chance to do so.

Also, it really isnt as simple as 'stick your baby on the boob'. MANY MN'ers can testify that.

I won't make comment on 'cover it up' because I have yet to see a babies bottle covered up and until I do, I shall not even entertain the thought of covering up my breast for anyone apart from myself.

beansprout · 29/09/2007 20:03

Could you just imagine the outcry if there was a campaign to cover up bottles on the grounds that they were offensive?!!!

fishie · 29/09/2007 20:09

wildpatch. disinterested is one thing. unsupportive is another.

Original poster
wildpatch · 29/09/2007 20:22

wow, so many posts.
i posted this in the aibu section because this isnt really something i wanted to discuss with current new moms. its not really a breast/bottle topic thread. its a disinterest thread! (not unsupportive)
thankyou beany, moony, christy, niecie and everyone else for helping me clarify my feelings/thoughts about this

(and fwiw, i know that i have simplified the process of breastfeeding. its much harder than my simplification. ive bf two exclusively, and mix fed one. hard work i know.)

OP posts:
moondog · 29/09/2007 20:24

I won't have any more children and therefore my breastfeeding days are over but i will remain a member of Association for Breastfeeding Mothers for the rest of my life.

Assuming that breastfeeding is only an issue for a few months of one's life completely misses the point (and has people like Cow&Gate rubbing their hands in glee.)

Original poster
wildpatch · 29/09/2007 20:27

moony, i hope many more moms continue like you . unfortunatly i can not do so. lack of inclination, rather than anything else. but new moms need people like you. not everyone is as lucky as i was with my family support.
i will sign that thread link, but not now, am out partying, if i ever get ready that is.

OP posts:
Niecie · 29/09/2007 22:24

Kisidee - Obviously it wasn't a survey but there are dozens of women who feel bullied into feeding in a particular way by a variety of people. It is a topic rife with political correctness. Nobody is denying breast is best but all the support in the world won't help some women breast feed and bullying will just make them miserable at a time when they should be happy.

Yes it might feel like support to some but not to others. It is a thin line sometimes.

AitchTwoOh · 30/09/2007 13:07

what's the political correctness element? if breast is best then it's human correctness, surely? if you're arguing for more training so that bfing is supported more sensitively then i'm all for it, but that requires more effort on everyone's part, not less.

mumtodd · 30/09/2007 13:36

I am finding the breastfeeding debate more and more difficult. A good friend of mine had her first baby a couple of days ago. I haven't been to see her yet as my own dd is ill at the moment. Another friend told me she is breastfeeding. I breastfed my dd for 10 months. One part of me wants to call my friend and offer her any advice and support with the breastfeeding I can give but another part of me is wary of being seen as judgemental and pushy about it as none of out other friends have breastfed and I am seen as a bit strange for doing it for so long. I am actually afraid to mention it to her in case she hasn't continued with it and she thinks I am pressuring her. I think I have paid too much attention to the debate and thats why i feel like this.
I am going to see her tomorrow and think I will just wait and see if she brings it up.

Lorayn · 30/09/2007 20:51

mumtodd, I know exactly what you mean, I have had a few friends whilst pregnant who told me they couldnt breastfeed, the whole 'eww, imagine a baby sucking my boob' type thing. All I ever said was not to knock it til they tried it, and bit my tongue every time I wanted to shout at them about how much better for baby it was!!!

When one did decide to breastfeed I told her how wonderful I thought she was for trying, how great it was for baby and more importantly, that the best thing she could do was just give it a go, at least she tried, if it didn't work out then not to worry.

welliemum · 30/09/2007 20:57

just popping up to point out that there's no bf mafia on MN, before anyone invokes it...

BF is always going to be an emotive issue - new baby, sleep deprivation, hormones etc being a powerful mix.

I agree, it's all too easy to say the wrong thing and I think discretion is the better part of valour usually with a new mum.

3andnomore · 30/09/2007 21:06

Niecie...the "pro-feeding lobby"...hm...I would have thought no matter how you feed your Baby , that we are allincluded in that

3andnomore · 30/09/2007 21:07

Op...it's a shame that you feel liek that about something that was important to you at a time....

margoandjerry · 30/09/2007 21:13

I think once you are past the issue in question, a lot of the issues that exercised us at the time seem much less visceral.

I had the same sort of discussions about bf as I had about:

alcohol in pregnancy,
whether to risk an amniocentesis,
caesarean or vaginal birth, and then later:

routine or no routine
attachment parenting or not
weaning at 6 months or earlier
puree or blw
childminder or nursery

Am about to go into:

MMR or not..

I am all for bfing etc but the best advice I have for anyone entering this whole minefield now is that this question will be followed by 1000s of other questions throughout your parenting career and nothing is the be all and end all.

3andnomore · 30/09/2007 21:19

of course margo...doesn't mean we all have to stop caring about issues that are not in our day to day thoghts anymore, on a personal basis!