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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think about how MIL is treating new partner?

6 replies

flashbackstoday · 19/07/2020 16:12

I had a horrible relationship with my mil. She’s talked behind my back, telling DH he deserved someone better than me because she came round one day and he was wearing a shirt that wasn’t ironed( which obviously is my fault 🙄) she lied about me to DH so he would divorce me, criticised my house, my looks and weight, she would make inside jokes with DH about my weight in the kitchen (I was a size 20)She would come to my house sometimes and give me the silent treatment. She came round 4-5 times a day, we had a huge falling out and towards the end of my marriage I spent a lot of time in my bedroom when she came round as I couldn’t be around her anymore. Every time he told me she was coming round, I could just feel the chest pains coming which I realised now is anxiety. I’m resentful towards him aswell as he did nothing, just always wanted me to forgive and forget. All he had to do was see her outside of the house, or take the children to see her at her house but he didn’t. I often wonder how he could just sit there in the living room with his mum laughing and joking, knowing his wife is sitting in the bedroom for hours because of his mum. I couldn’t do that to him if that was my mum.
She had this attitude of ‘this is my sons house and I can do what I want’ she didn’t care about me, who keeps coming to the house 4-5 times a week when one of the people who live there goes to their bedroom every time you come and stay there until you leave? But she didn’t care.

He now has a new partner and I often wonder what her relationship with his mum is like , and how MIL is treating her.

I know I’m free of her and I should be happy and focus on my life, I am. But it just hurts so bad to think about everything I went through, I get flashbacks and just thinking about her gives me anxiety, we still live in the same area 10 mins from each other because I stayed in the marital home.

OP posts:
vikingwife · 19/07/2020 16:15

Stop referring to her as MIL for starters ! If the thought of her induces anxiety, giving her a new name / reference may help.

GinDrinker00 · 19/07/2020 16:16

YABU. Time to move on and stop focusing on the past, she’s not worth your time or energy poppet.

flashbackstoday · 19/07/2020 22:17

I know I need to move on, I have good days where I don't think about her. But sometimes I'll have a bad day and I'll start thinking about the past, and she just won't leave my head 😔

OP posts:
lifestooshort123 · 19/07/2020 22:40

How do you feel about ex? I'd transfer my feelings to him tbh as he colluded with her in bullying you. Forget her, she's a waste of space, but HIM! Get out the voodoo doll for him and she'll be a distant memory! Joking aside, you're worth more than to waste another second on her. Write a totally honest letter, list all her crappy misdeeds (feel free to use vile swear words) until all your anger is on the page... and then burn it and watch the negativity go. Good luck x

Merryoldgoat · 19/07/2020 22:49

The reality is that age didn’t split up your relationship, your DH did my not sticking up for you and putting a stop to her vicious behaviour.

He facilitated her.

Let your anger go. Move on. You won’t be free until you do.

Merryoldgoat · 19/07/2020 22:49

She, not age.

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