To feel like I'm always shouting at my toddler?

[meow1989]

Disclaimer before I being: I have been informed by my husband, parents and friend that we spend a lot of time with that I am in fact, not a horrible shouty mum. It's me that feels like this where i probably raise my voice rather than shout.

Does everyone feel like this with a toddler?

My ds was 2 in late June. He is a beautiful, funny, endearing and clever child. We do lots of lovely things together, go out for walks each day and have lots of cuddles, kisses and I love yous. I try to praise him as much as I can for positive behaviour (ie even if hes been a terror and thrown toys everywhere and protested about helping tidy up I will do a big cheer when he does tidy eventually). He is very tall for his age and speaks well in 5+ word sentences so I find myself having to remind myself that he is still very little. There are no developmental issues with him. He sleeps well and eats well. He loves animals and is gentle with them (in the toddler sense of gentle). He's off nursery until september due to covid but was attending 2 days a week.

He can be a dream and he can be a bit of a nightmare - he likes to bang things, throw things, hit the telly, run away (usually giggling and shouting "run away!"). He becomes upset if called out on behaviour and shout no with a hit of the hand.

I know this is normal toddler behaviour and I try to pick my battles, dh and I are consistent in our responses (get down on his level, say no and what the undesirable behaviour is, remove from the situation or remove the item if keeps doing. I dont agree with physical chastisement and I dont think a "naughty step" will work with him). But I feel like I spend the majority of my time doing this.

I suppose my aibu is is it me or is this normal parenting experience for a 2 year old? Hes such a sweet loving boy and dont want him to hear constant negatives from me but I also dont want him to think things that arent acceptable are. I think I'm finding the transition hard from baby world of me and him to toddler world of me vs him sometimes. It also doesnt help when my pil, who are wonderful and supportive and have him one day a week, say he's good as gold for them.

Can't you make your house more child-friendly? And spend more time outdoors. And redirect him to more appropriate versions of the thing he wants to do (e.g. give him a saucepan and a spoon to bang instead). Look up schemas.

We didn't evolve in houses full of breakable objects, so it's unrealistic to expect such a young child to constantly remember to behave appropriately around them.

I honestly could have written this word for word, OP. My DD was two in May and she is exactly the same as your DS - sunny, smart and communicative but also an absolute terrorist at times. We had a day out yesterday at a theme park and she was savage - SAVAGE. It’s so hard because we want to be lovely, encouraging Mummy, doling out nothing but positivity, but if they are not checked, they will become absolute tyrants. I haven’t got any advice, just an affirmation that I believe what you are doing is right. I think in a few months, we’ll both reach a turning point where their reasoning has caught up with their communication skills and they will settle down. Just stay consistent and stay firm. And let me know how it works out!!!

OP, you could be describing my little boy. I also feel like I'm too critical but it's so difficult when the tantrums are constant. I've found when he gets really upset from not getting his own way then a cuddle helps him more than a telling off does.

Also I've found giving him options helps, these aren't perfect solutions though and there are tears here every day not just from DS.

@rosiejaune the only thing not child friendly is the telly - not sure what made you think its delicate objects he gets hold of. We spend most of our days in what is essentially a playroom that opens out onto our garden. We do spend a lot of time outdoors, in fact one of the positives of lockdown has been finding more woodland etc to explore - I've always wanted him to have a childhood spend outdoors.

The redirection is a really good idea though, thank you. I mentioned it to dh too and he agrees it's a good plan.

I agree with @rosiejaune childproof your house so you don't have to say NO very often and redirect or distract rather than discipline (look up enabling environments and Montessori) My eldest is so stubborn that whenever I said no it became a battle and I could actually see her start to copy my loud voice and frustrated tone.

Try talking through emotions with him, almost narrating out loud and repeating back what he is saying/doing.

I found with mine, they had a real jump in language skills just after 2yrs and suddenly were much more reasonable about everything! It's a phase and won't be forever!

I recommend 'how to talk so young kids will listen' book.

Is it awful that I am relieved that others have the same? He was such a good baby (though as I tell him now: hes not a naughty boy he just does naughty things sometimes!) So it's a bit of a shock.

People often comment on the pictures I put of ds on social media and I usually laugh and tell them that they didnt see the 10 tantrum pictures I took before I got the nice smiley insta-ready one, so I should know better and that other people are feeling the same with their terrible twos but it's easy to feel like it's just you isnt it?

I hear its better by 4 🤦🏻‍♀️

Actually, I've also noticed he is much better in the afternoon than the morning, dh and I arent morning people either so I need to try to work a way that I can cater to this.

This all sounds very normal, OP. My DC is nearly three and there are still a lot of daily battles. They have so much to learn and we have to teach them. It sounds like you’re doing a great job.

I feel this too. I try and tell myself that I'm putting in the groundwork now so he'll be an easier child as he gets older. It does feel like I'm correcting him a lot at times - but toddlers do need a lot of guidance to stay safe and learn appropriate social behaviour.

@Wearywithteens we cross posted about the groundwork! Glad to hear my approach should come to fruition as he gets older!

@wearywithteens this is good to hear as it's a conversation I've had a few times - I'd rather go through the tough bit now so hes secure and contained and better behaved as an older child, especially given his size!

My angel baby turned into a stubborn and difficult toddler into a wilful but lovely girl 😁

I'm looking for some advice, my son is 2.5 years old, currently in the terrible two stage. I do however have a very short fuse and not very much patience.. i tend to shout alot which I feel awful about, I have got better lately but lately he is really trying me. He has however started to copy me and shouts and screams which was obviously gonna happen.. he is also very clingy as of lateky. I work part time only 2 days a week, family was having him for me to work, but my friend started having him one day a week and for a couple of weeks it was great, then he started shouting at her kids, screaming crying for me being naughty kicking doors etc, he is an only child that likes to play 247 and my friends children will pay but not all the time and he shouts and them to play. He shouts far to much and I feel like an awful mother.. ive stopped shouting now but hes naughty sometimes and doesnt listen and shouts? Any advice x