Transition to secondary school

[Aelfricchick]

DS is going in to year 6 in September & we will be applying for secondary schools in Oct.

All schools oversubscribed here, and there is a very slim chance DS will get a place in the school I would choose. His friends are likely to go here as have siblings there already.

AIBU to ask you to tell me about your DC experiences of transitioning to secondary - especially if they are shy / went to a school without their friends / were allocated a place in a school that wasn’t your first choice?

I am worrying, hence the late post. Can anyone reassure me?

My DD transferred mid-Y7 to a school where she knew no one and she doesn't have a lot of social fortitude, easy knocked back and doesn't really try again without a lot of prompting. The kind who shyly waits around with her nose in a book waiting to be picked. I was worried, but she came home with a "What, like it's hard?" attitude, talking about her new friends.

There have been bumps and we're already discussing giving people a fresh start in September and expanding her circle a bit. She tends to make snap judgements, one mean comment and she thinks someone hates her and avoids them and she has a few times been stuck in the middle of friend dramas. However, she's really enjoyed her school and she's had so many experience she wouldn't have had otherwise. She's really looking forward to going back.

I hope this helps a bit. I must admit, my younger daughter is starting there in September and I'm still starting to worry again for her. She bought her new bag...covered in cats, which is her thing, but I worry how it will go down.

Thanks for the post BiBabbles - being a parent doesn’t get any easier does it?! Glad your older DD is enjoying her school - that is reassuring - and I would have totally wanted to be friends with the girl with the cat bag when I was at senior school, hope your younger DD enjoys her new school too.

Bumping for the morning

DS1 got a place at our 2nd choice school. Most of the boys in his class had siblings and went to his 1st choice. He was upset and dreading school and had a miserable summer, while hoping for a place (top of waiting list). We also had an unsuccessful appeal.
He loved his second choice secondary school from day 1, no one he knew in his class, and he is not very outgoing. He loved the variety of lessons and the specialisms, and the school is friendly and nurturing (although not as successful as school 1). It all worked out fine, but unfortunately we all had an anxious year 6 worrying about it.

My dd went to a secondary school where she didn't know anyone else. She didn't experience any problems. There were a largish group who had come from a particular primary school and I remember commenting to one of their parents, how welcoming they were (as opposed to excluding anyone from their group).

I am a teacher in a large rural secondary school and we get quite a few children starting every year who come from remote villages and don't know anyone else. We keep an eye on them just in case... but in 12 years of teaching there I have never seen them struggle to make friends.

DD2 had no friends at all in her very small primary school. Within a few days of starting secondary school she had a nice friendship group. She has ASD so making friends can be hard, as she's very introverted and doesn't always express herself.

Another similar story here. DD1 (quiet, studious, shy) started Yr7 two years ago. First choice school but she was the only one to get a place from her Primary. She made a couple of 'emergency' friends in the first term but now has a solid friendship group of 5 other lovely girls. In fact, having seen some of the difficulties that some of her friends had in Yr7 with other kids who had come from their old primary, she and I actually think it's better not knowing anyone!

Thanks very much everyone, just what I needed to hear.