This is all pretty minor and petty so sorry for the essay!
DP catches sight of himself at least once a day and declares himself fat. Actually he isn't fat really, he's just got a bit of a tummy as he's got older. He's pretty stacked all over so big rather than fat. I know it makes him feel bad so I try to be supportive but the extent of my advice is always the same... I point out he's not really fat but if he wants to shift the belly he just needs to knock the lattes, milkshakes and ice cream bars on the head and probably wait after eating to feel full and then wait to see if he actually wants seconds. That's all he needs to do, the rest of our diet is great. He will be full of determination for all of three hours then will pretty much go straight back to what he was doing before. Whatever...I'll give him advice but I'm not nagging him. My DM nagged my DF constantly and I'm allergic to it. What annoys me is he'll say he's giving up the ice cream bars then put one in the basket at the shop the same day with a sort of naughty smile or a comment to me, as if I'm the one that's telling him not to have it and he's trying to persuade me. This sounds mad but I think he almost wants me to nag him?? The other day we'd had the usual discussion and within an hour he wanted (straight after breakfast too) to go to a cafe with a friend and he ordered a second latte and chocolate slice thing. And he kind of laughed and said "oh you're mad at me for ordering cake aren't you!". I was like...well no obviously I'm not...I think you're projecting. I felt a bit annoyed actually - I was embarrassed he was making me out to be controlling in front of our friend, and I later told him not to put the responsibility for his food onto me as I will not nag him. I already put so much thought into the meals I make for us and they're healthy and balanced but I'm not his nutritionist!
He also eats his plate of food at dinner then immediately asks "is there more?" the second he's put his fork down. He had my share of seconds tonight and the remains of a loaf and bag of tortillas. When I had a few spoons of my special vegan ice cream because I was still hungry he asked for some of that too.
AIBU to think of he wants to not follow his diet he can get his own sodding ice cream tub and get the feck off of my special kind since it's the only one in the whole store I can have.
I'm not really annoyed or anything just more of a general pondering. I know his DF was completely nagged by his DM and I think his exDW nagged him a lot too...maybe he's sort of repeating a pattern without realising.
I feel a bit bad disengaging with the topic completely because I've had addiction issues which he's supported me through and I know food, in particular sugar, can act on dopamine in a similar way to drugs. That being said I never put him in the role of gatekeeper... but he was still nice to me about cravings etc.
Any MN wisdom?