To get a non molestation order out on my ex of 10 years

[minimummum]

Been separated from my narcissistic ex for 10 year. 2 teenage children one of whom won't bother with his dad after he got a taste of the same treatment that I get. The other special needs and doesn't understand what his dad does.
After 10 year separated he still messages me most days and weekends. He gets very aggressive or accuses me of stupid random stuff. I have kept quiet for the kids sake but I am now at the point of breaking. I seriously can't take anymore nastiness. He then will threaten suicide if I won't go see him as he is very lonely. Is this my fault? I really don't know how to deal with this without upsetting my son. I know I sound like an idiot

Non-mol definitely. You can be a good mother to your son without exposing yourself to his father's abuse.

You don't sound like an idiot at all, I had one similar to this. Once I got the non mol in place it was bliss. And do you know what, he hasn't committed suicide and he has himself another girlfriend to worry!
Tne National Domestic Violence Helpline will help you fill in the forms for free. Good Luck!

Thank you. He threatens to not have anything to do with his son if I go to police about him. Then son will blame me. My head isn't in a good place but it needs to be done.

Ultimately the best possible thing for your son would be if he did just that, and it would be worth him resenting you for it. But he won't of course. Your shared son will be his last way of getting at you and he will use him. Which sucks. But he'll do that regardless of a non-mol or not.

@minimummum

Thank you. He threatens to not have anything to do with his son if I go to police about him. Then son will blame me. My head isn't in a good place but it needs to be done.

Go to the police. Explain to both your children preferably together about their dad's behaviour and his threats.

You need to make your children aware that how their dad is behaving is not how you behave if you separate and have children.

Believe it or not teenage and early 20-something children of separated parents do talk to one another and discuss how good/shit each of our parents have been.

@minimummum

Been separated from my narcissistic ex for 10 year. 2 teenage children one of whom won't bother with his dad after he got a taste of the same treatment that I get. The other special needs and doesn't understand what his dad does. After 10 year separated he still messages me most days and weekends. He gets very aggressive or accuses me of stupid random stuff. I have kept quiet for the kids sake but I am now at the point of breaking. I seriously can't take anymore nastiness. He then will threaten suicide if I won't go see him as he is very lonely. Is this my fault? I really don't know how to deal with this without upsetting my son. I know I sound like an idiot

His threats and loneliness aren't your problem.

Your right to live without constant abuse and harassment overrides everything else. And whilst your son may well be upset, it's important that he learns about boundaries and appropriate behaviour as well - you do not have to tolerate this treatment.

Non molestation order. Hes still controlling you, cannot believe you are still putting up with it. He's not your problem.

Your son wont blame you OP it's your exs fault you are the victim.

I am going to contact the police tomorrow after I have spoke to both children. I have all texts and emails over the years to show them.
Thank you I just hope I can keep strong.

I would advise you to talk to your DC after you've been to the police.

I have no idea whether the one you are concerned about has his own mobile, but if he does, that he might not dissuade you by becoming distressed, but could immediately contact his father, causing you more abuse without the security of having spoken to the police.

Good luck, be strong. It’s worth it. 💐

Good luck 💐