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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want him to go and stay with his parents abroad?

15 replies

Crunchynut198 · 18/07/2020 12:20

OH’s parents live abroad (5 hour flight away) he’s currently not working and want to go and stay with them even though their boarders don’t open until 1st August. He isn’t going with me or our children so I can’t stop him but I’ve made it clear I don’t think it’s sensible at all and I don’t think it’s worth the risk. I get he hasn’t seen them for months but I just don’t think it’s sensible to fly right now. AIBU?

OP posts:
Loveinatimeofcovid · 18/07/2020 12:22

Unless he’s shirking childcare duties Or is shielding or there is some other reason why he shouldn’t go you really have no right to tell him not to go.

Original poster
Crunchynut198 · 18/07/2020 12:24

He’d be leaving me with the children but that’s not an issue. I just think it’s risky to fly right now. I’ve said he’s a grown man and can do what he wants but I personally think flying right now really isn’t sensible.

OP posts:
Drivingdownthe101 · 18/07/2020 12:27

YABU. It’s his decision to make. DH’s parents live abroad and we were due to fly out last week but our flights were cancelled. The only reason we didn’t rebook is the thought of 3 hours in a plane in a mask, with a toddler on my knee who is distressed by people in masks, and trying to keep a 6 and 5 year olds masks on for the duration too.
Are you worried about the risk to him, to his parents, or to you on his return?

Original poster
Crunchynut198 · 18/07/2020 12:32

I’m worried about the risk to him, to me and my children, to his parents and to mine. My Dad has COPD and looks after my youngest while I work.
I’ve told him I can’t stop him going but I think I’m within my rights to express my opinion? x

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/07/2020 12:32

@Crunchynut198

He’d be leaving me with the children but that’s not an issue. I just think it’s risky to fly right now. I’ve said he’s a grown man and can do what he wants but I personally think flying right now really isn’t sensible.
And if a vaccine isn't available for another year or so?

He has to visit them at some point. I get you're feeling wobbly about it but as long as he's masked up and sanitizing his hands etc, it's really no different to getting transport to work or going to the supermarket which most people are having to do now.

Drivingdownthe101 · 18/07/2020 12:36

@Crunchynut198

I’m worried about the risk to him, to me and my children, to his parents and to mine. My Dad has COPD and looks after my youngest while I work. I’ve told him I can’t stop him going but I think I’m within my rights to express my opinion? x
Yes of course you can express an opinion, it’s up to him what he does with it.
Original poster
Crunchynut198 · 18/07/2020 12:36

@WorraLiberty I do understand what you’re saying. I just think even in a few months or by next year we might have a better picture. I don’t know as I say, I’m not stopping him going as I can’t but I just think right now we’re only just coming out of the worst of it. We haven’t got any public transport since this happened for the same reason. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Crunchynut198 · 18/07/2020 12:38

@Drivingdownthe101 I’ve said I’m not able to stop him going but he seems to think unless he gets the green light from me he won’t go. I’m just not able to as I would be lying to him and myself if I said I thought it was worth the risk as things stand. I haven’t said he can’t go or anything like that, I’ve just said I think it would be sensible to avoid it for the moment.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/07/2020 12:40

But without a vaccine, what better picture do you mean?

The virus will still be out there and we'll all still run exactly the same small risk of catching it.

Re public transport, my point was that so many people who are back at work just have to get on with it and take sensible precautions etc.

I'd hate to not be able to see my parents for possibly a year or more.

Original poster
Crunchynut198 · 18/07/2020 12:42

@WorraLiberty they are booked to come over and stay with us in the autumn and at Christmas so he’s going to see them twice before the end of the year.
I just hope the numbers might continue to go down as they have been doing? I know the risk is obviously still there until there is a vaccine though. x

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/07/2020 12:58

[quote Crunchynut198]@WorraLiberty they are booked to come over and stay with us in the autumn and at Christmas so he’s going to see them twice before the end of the year.
I just hope the numbers might continue to go down as they have been doing? I know the risk is obviously still there until there is a vaccine though. x[/quote]
In that case I'm puzzled.

Him going to see them is going to be lower risk for you and the DC, than both of them going to see you all?

The numbers may go down but the virus and the small chance of catching it will remain exactly the same.

WorraLiberty · 18/07/2020 13:00

In actual fact, with all the relaxation of lockdown going on right now, there could be a large spike in the Autumn/Winter and that may cause travel restrictions.

So he's probably wise to go now.

2155User · 18/07/2020 13:02

YABU

but even if every person on this thread told you that, you still wouldn't listen

Original poster
Crunchynut198 · 18/07/2020 13:03

@WorraLiberty they booked those dates ages ago as we are/were due to get married. So that was booked a long time ago, as was Christmas as they come to us alternate years.
I see what you mean about the possible spike over autumn/winter though. It’s just all this uncertainty, I wish they lived in the UK! Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/07/2020 13:07

Well I very much doubt the vaccine will be here by the Autumn or Christmas, so he might as well go now as the virus itself and the chances of catching it won't change.

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