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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed by DH's halfhearted attempt to help?

8 replies

Fudgewhizz · 18/07/2020 03:38

Okay, it's 3am and I'm really quite sleep deprived so I may be more reactive than usual but AIBU? BFing 5wk old DS has been a nightmare - blocked ducts, mastitis etc. Also he quite often grunts and strains for ages after a feed so I can't get back to sleep. Saw feeding specialist yesterday who said probably wind so he needs winding after a feed.

As I'm doing all the feeding DH has been doing nappies - so I generally wake up and feed, DS is changed, I feed on the other side. I'm up for about 50 mins, DH for about 5 in the middle (gives me chance to go to the loo and have a drink, and means I'm not carrying DS more than necessary with my painful chest and my neck injury that makes holding him difficult).

Asked him to wind DS after feed. He plonks him face down on his chest and sort of jiggles him a bit. I point out that that won't work and DS needs to be upright. He lets him slide down to his side so DS is upright but his head is at a weird angle and half heartedly pats him a bit. DH is clearly falling asleep and there's no way I'm leaving DS like that so I ask him to sit up and do it properly. He says 'oh it's fine' and refuses to do anything else so I give up and get cross and do it myself. I ended up yelping in pain as DS presses really hard into a painful but on my chest and DH asks if he can help. I retort that I'd already asked him to but he couldn't be bothered to do it properly so he might as well go back to sleep. Get so fed up I bring DS into the spare room and sit doing it myself with him kicking me rather painfully in my poor swollen mastitisy boobs and my neck killing me.

I am now right royally pissed off because I've been up for ninety minutes, I asked DH to do one little thing to help and he couldn't be bothered. He doesn't have work in the morning or I wouldn't mind. I am in pain, keep getting headaches from sleep deprivation and really needed him to do this and I'm really cross!! AIBU?

OP posts:
Fudgewhizz · 18/07/2020 03:41

Oh and I've had a C section which I'm still recovering from too...

OP posts:
sergeilavrov · 18/07/2020 04:01

I’m sorry your DH is being useless. Would you consider expressing and then getting him to deal with him for a week while you catch up on sleep in the spare room? (I bottle fed, so no clue how this would work/how long it takes to express, sorry if this is a silly suggestion).

In the morning, set him straight: you expect him to be a father, not a sperm donor, and if he’s bright enough to work his willy, he can work out the oh so complex notion of winding a baby. Make sure to let you HV know that you aren’t being appropriately supported too.

Couchbettato · 18/07/2020 04:01

I am trained as a breastfeeding peer support volunteer, and one of the things they really push us to say is that breastfeeding takes a lot of support.

Many people struggle to breastfeed because they don't have the right kind of support and it seems like your husband isn't 100% on board. It might be worth getting the infant feeding specialist to tell him how he can support you, and what he can do with your baby.

That said, unless you can see grievous harm befalling your baby, let him do things his way.

After 5 mins of half arsed burping he'd have to wake up and sit upright because he isn't doing it right in the first place.

C sections are hard work. Every one is sleep deprived but you need rest to recover from major abdominal surgery. Your husband needs to suck it up and help more, but you both deserve rest too.

mumfeelingguilty · 18/07/2020 04:07

Your tired and sore so bound to be feeling grouchy, but as @Couchbettato says, unless baby is at risk, then let DH do it wrong, he'll soon learn that it's quicker and easier to do it properly, especially if baby cries at him until the wind is up.

Rainbowqueeen · 18/07/2020 04:07

Tomorrow make sure you sleep when baby sleeps. DH can do everything else.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 18/07/2020 08:09

Congratulations to the baby! 💐

Have you thought about showing it to him when you are both awake and calm?
You sound extremely tired and sleep deprived. 💐
Maybe your DH would be able to learn it better when both of you are a bit calmer. If he is changing nappies, then he is trying ☺️☺️

Fudgewhizz · 18/07/2020 08:31

Oh he knows exactly how to do it! He's usually very good and is doing most things (cooking, vacuuming, most nappies etc). I just really needed him to do this and it would have taken him five mins. I took the baby off him because he'd (DH) have fallen asleep - he can sleep through it even if baby is screaming - and I was worried he'd end up squashing him. I've told him this morning after I've fed he is taking him for a couple of hours and is not to disturb me at all! We've started combi feeding so he has no excuse!

I may be unapologetically grumpy today... was awake 2.5hrs in the end Angry

OP posts:
Stefoscope · 18/07/2020 10:03

Hope you manage to get some rest today Fudge. With a bit of luck your DH will do the half arsed winding when he's taking care of him this morning. Then he can see first hand why it's easier to just do it properly the first time.

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