Should I be annoyed at my parents?

[shouldibeannoyed]

Hi all, NC for this one due to information about my DS.

My DS15 has been having a rough time most of this year, it seemed to coincide with lockdown (not in UK) but was due to a number of issues.
He was starting to self harm and Monday (nearly two weeks ago) things were really bad, he was talking about suicide and self harming was more frequent, managed to get him an emergency doctors appointment etc and my parents looked after my other children so i could take him.

My parents live 5minutes drive away in the same town and I talk to my mum about once per week, we're close but not in each other's pockets constantly.

I told my parents in confidence what was happening as I was obviously upset, they were very concerned for my DS and for me and talking to them helped.

Since that Monday we had an awful week with our DS, my DH and I barely slept while we were checking on him (not getting to sleep until 4am as we were so worried he would harm himself) and just a shit week in general, we still had our other kids to look after and we both work (I'm working from home) so we have just been trying, and struggling, to make it through.
This last week has been a bit better but this has been at the forefront of our minds and we've just been hibernating as a family trying to cope.

Anyway, my point is that I have not heard from my parents in two weeks since I told them!
No phone call or message or anything to see how their grandson is going or how I/we are coping with things.

I missed a call from my mum just before and I'm so upset it's taken them this long to get in contact and I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable to be mad at them?
Or if I should mention how disappointed I am?

Not sure if I should have put a trigger warning in the title and I'm not sure how to change it?

If you want, but it's probably worth keeping in mind that the older generations are not nearly as open as we are about mental health issues. They would've been taught that it something that's just not spoken about, you just get on with it. Tbh, I wouldn't bother with being pissed off. Don't need the hassle right now and there's nothing to gain. Maybe once everything is calmer and more normal, have a conversation (not fight) about it, but for now...meh. If you need help/support, ask for it. If not, accept things for how they are, not how you wish they were.

Maybe she's just giving you space. She stepped up to help when you needed it. If you need to speak with her, why don't you simply call her?

Thanks, not sure if it makes a difference but they are not quite in their 60's, so not really that old if you ask me.

It is also annoying me that my mum in particular, offers so much support to other family members that have gone through a hard time, always calling and checking in and offering practical support but nothing for me?

@shouldibeannoyed

Thanks, not sure if it makes a difference but they are not quite in their 60's, so not really that old if you ask me.

It is also annoying me that my mum in particular, offers so much support to other family members that have gone through a hard time, always calling and checking in and offering practical support but nothing for me?

60's is still old in terms of mental health acceptence. I remember how revolutionary the Sopranos was about mental health issues. One of the reasons it was such a huge success is that it was really the first time a main character openly acknowledged having MH issues without being clinically insane, and that was only back in the very late 90's. How acceptence and openess of mental health is still something that is very, very new.

Call them

Ring your mum and tell her You have missed her.
You tell hermits been a cheap couple of weeks and you really need a mum hug.
No critcism. Just tell her You need a little emotional.support and forget about any blame.
I agree it would have been nice she she had phoned and it's likely she will say why she hasn't phoned. Could she be giving you space and wondering 😔why you haven't phoned.
It's possible your mum is worried sick.

I'm sorry you and your wee family are going through this and wish you well.

I can understand why you are upset and I'm sorry to hear about your son. What was the outcome of the gp appointment?

I think some people (perhaps especially those of an older generation) find it hard to talk about these things. When my husband was having serious mental health problems his mum refused point blank to accept he was unwell. I phoned his aunty in desperation...I've not heard from or seen her since that phone call.

3 years ago I had a mental breakdown and have only just been discharged from hospital. My parents have never asked me about my illness, my medication, my treatment, asked how it was going in hospital....nothing. And my mum is lovely and we have a reasonably close relationship although they live abroad so mainly over text...odd phone call or video call. My son is autistic and they've never asked about that either!

All I can suggest is you give them a call and see if they give you the support you are after. They may just not wanted to disturb you knowing you weren't getting enough sleep.

I really hope your son gets the help he needs and is on the mend soon

Thank you @UndertheCedartree but they don't know that we haven't slept or about anything that has happened since i told them initially.

We call each other but we're not close close, we don't hug or anything.

I guess my perspective is if I heard that my adult child (and grandchild) was going through a hard time, even if I didn't understand it, I would still call to check in and see how they were doing.
Are some of you saying that you wouldn't call you adult daughter if you knew she was going through something?

I haven't called them as I there's nothing I could have asked them for practically and tbh I've just been trying to get through the days and calling them wasn't my first priority.

I can understand why you're hurt and upset. Unfortunately, some people are just like this. My ILs don't offer much support in any form and they certainly don't phone regularly, we always have to phone them.

For your own sake, I think you have to accept that you can't control what other people do. Call your Mum back and let her know that you've been having a rough time, but don't expect anything. It'll only upset you further if they don't react as you'd like them to.