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To think I can go to a new parent and toddler group without having an identity crisis???

27 replies

Dabbles · 29/09/2007 09:51

Arghh... sigh!

SO, new group. consisted of:

Rough people off the estate (no, i am not just being judgemental, we are talking the sort of people who you see smoking a joint on their way to pick their kids up from school or whose kids play out in the street by themselves from the age of 3!)

Yummy Mummys/too posh to push... all designer clobber and how much my house cost


group of girls who look like they have just stepped otu of a slip Knot/marilyn manson video

sigh. problem is I am a sutdent, so live on above said 'estate' but only because dp and I are students and its not that rough, honestly. but when the mummy yummys - homeoowners ask where u live and u tell them, eyes glaze over and suddenly Tarquin/Emily needs their bum changed....
and am far too old and now far too normal to 'hang' with the goth girl... big sigh!

OP posts:
2mum · 29/09/2007 11:13

Im just glad i dont have to go to toddler groups any more!

Dabbles · 29/09/2007 19:58

Lucky you!

OP posts:
GreebosWhiskers · 29/09/2007 20:11

Dabbles - I know exactly what you mean. I live on an estate with a very bad reputation & tbh there are streets where I just would not go but mostly the area doesn't deserve the bad rep. We're a normal family - 4 kids, own our own home (on said estate), dh works f/t & I'm a SAHM mum on a career break - but the amount of cr@p I've had to listen to at toddler groups re where I live. On a mums' night out with our old group the woman across the table from me was slagging off our estate & I just said (very loudly) 'actually, I live there' - she was so mortified she just totally clammed up. There are people who wouldn't send their kids to the high school on our estate yet it's the only one that gets mentioned in the local paper for good things (charity work, awards etc) rather than the bad behaviour of the pupils.

I've gotten so fed up of being apologetic about it that I proudly tell people where I live & if they don't like it tough - it's their problem. I also console myself with the sure knowledge that I'm not practically bankrupting myself trying to afford my mortgage.

btw - I'd have gone & talked to the goth-girls but that's just 'cos I'm an ex-goth myself & still listen to Marilyn Manson if the dcs aren't in the house

GreebosWhiskers · 29/09/2007 20:15

And just while I'm on a rant;

The neighbouring estate was one of the first all-private estates around here & a lot of the people think of themselves as posh - the councillor for that estate even had a quote in the paper saying that we're different to them as we have different values & a different culture so they should not have to share the same amenities as us


denbury · 29/09/2007 20:20

have been the new person at toddlers to many times ( married to a service man so move a lot)so i don't care where people are long as they are nice people i don't care

mazzystar · 29/09/2007 20:20

Don't want to be harsh but I think you are judging on first appearances as much as you imagine the goths and yummys are judging you.

I've been braving some new baby groups with dd recently, and frankly I "worked the room", well y'know as much as you can when playing with a 7 month old. I think its the only way.

missyhissey · 29/09/2007 20:33

lol at "working the room" Mazzy, any tips on how to do that for those of us who are socially challenged! I need to take dd to some groups soon, hardly know anyone as not lived in the area long so would have to go on my own.

Dabbles · 29/09/2007 20:33

oh no i did try! honestly!

( the goth girls seemed nice, but like if i was 10 yrs younger!!)

OP posts:
Poohbah · 29/09/2007 20:38

I plucked up loads of courage to go to a M&T group and the first person I met was dressed in chav pants and a baseball cap and I thought..maybe this place is only for single teen mums...but she was American and only wore chav pants so she could jog everywhere and became a best buddy.

FrannyandZooey · 29/09/2007 20:40

You are judging people and pigeon holing them based entirely on what they look like! Any of the people there might be absolutely charming and exactly who you are looking to meet, but you have just dismissed them all with a rather cutting description

it takes a while to get to know people, keep on trying

cluelessnchaos · 29/09/2007 20:41

talk to the goth girl

FrannyandZooey · 29/09/2007 20:43

yes I agree the goth girl sounds the best bet

tell her your imaginary friends in your computer sent you to speak to her, that should get her attention

blazingsandals · 29/09/2007 20:43

But you are all mums you must have something in common, even if it is only a love of chocolate and a hatred of biscuits which break off in your tea?

Also, you aren't the 'new mum' for very long, stick it out. Who knows, next week two students might turn up feeling totally out of it.

FrannyandZooey · 29/09/2007 20:43

ooh I do like your name blazingsandals

blazingsandals · 29/09/2007 20:52

Why thank you F&Z - I lost two stone and my old one didn't fit very well anymore

FrannyandZooey · 29/09/2007 20:52


what was it?

orangehead · 29/09/2007 20:54

I was so nervous when first went to toddler grps, I had had all the confidence knocked out of by cheating husband and messy divorce which left me alone with two under the age of 2. I was sure that all anyone would see was single mum on benefits, im not bragging but i also looked more like 18 than than 27, not thats theres anything wrong with being mum at 18 but its a steroetypical image. Anyway I made some really good friends that still close too yrs on and they see me for who I really am, funnily enough all of them are considerably better off them me, in a 'nuclear family' owning quite large houses from a quick view we seem to have nothing in common but we have all supported each other through various trials over the yrs. There are some that will judge but there is also many who wont and will get to know u as a person not u and yr fiancial situation

blazingsandals · 29/09/2007 20:54

Something about someone running off with confectionery

FrannyandZooey · 29/09/2007 20:56


blazingsandals · 29/09/2007 20:56

yup. ss

FrannyandZooey · 29/09/2007 20:59

someone moved it to somewhere you couldn't find it for quite a while, then?

Boco · 29/09/2007 21:00

So now you are 'who set fire to my shoes?'

blazingsandals · 29/09/2007 21:13

No, I just bought some nice red spangly sandals and in the sunlight they look like my feet are on fire. They are utterly frivolous, I love them. However I no longer even like chocolate. Blame that Paul McKenna bloke. He did it with his whispering in my ear late at night

2mum · 30/09/2007 10:30

I remember going to toddler groups years ago and some people at them were not very friendly at all. It didnt put me off though i just ignored them and focused on the ones who made an effort to speak to me.

Miaou · 30/09/2007 10:47

I started going to a local toddler group about two months ago and was frankly terrified going in! Naturally everyone's heads swivelled round as I walked in and I felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights . However I was approached by a goth who is at least ten years my junior (see where I'm going with this!) who showed me where to sign in and told me how it works. As time has gone on I've talked to more people (including a very shy teen mum with bright green hair and two cute dds) and made some friends. I doubt there are many mums of my age (36) but I try not to let that worry me. When I first went though I was convinced I wouldn't fit in and spent most of the first session thinking "I'm not coming again ...". Persevere Dabbles!

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