Mother in law doesn't like me, 7 months pregnant

[eausolovely]

So my partner comes from a very different kind of family to me. While both of our parents are divorced, mine still get on as mates and his can't be in the same room 20 years later.

I get on really well with his dad and I thought I did with his mum too. Today however she decided to message him completely out of the blue kicking off that he has seen his dad more in lockdown than her (he's 28 years old remember so is a grown adult!)

Now I usually stay out of this kind of thing as I don't like arguments and as we have a baby due in 2 months I've been trying to keep everyone happy. But in this rant she started saying how I "obviously didn't like her" And how she would never get to see the baby when he came. She made some pretty harsh accusations about me and essentially made out as if I am keeping her son from her.

It's actually laughable because I genuinely really liked her but I'm seriously taken back by this. How do you move past something like this? I'm really upset as I'm not used to having conflicts, my lot are really close which is another thing she was annoyed about. Basically how would you handle the situation if you knew your MIL didn't like you and you are only finding out after 7 happy years of being with her son?! Any advice welcome, please tell me if I'm just being a bit hormonal and shouldn't let it bother me so much.

Just remember that not everyone is lovely and reasonable at heart and it's not just a case of reasoning with them and being kind until they see sense. Some people won't like you for completely irrational reasons and their own issues, and it doesn't matter what you do, they never will.

Also she may feel you have picked sides already by daring to get on with her ex - not saying that is rational or reasonable at all but it is how some people think.

So by all means, be your usually lovely self with her. But FGS don't blame yourself if she turns out to be the MIL from hell. You can't change how people behave towards you.

We're living through extraordinary times and I'm sure that many people are acting out of character having been isolated from their loved ones. If you had a good relationship with her before then maybe you need to let this outburst go but be wary of her future behaviour.

Three things:

1. Back way way way off and let DH deal with his. The moment you try and deal with it absolves him of the responsibility of dealing with his DM. Don’t let that happen just before baby is due.

1. I never realised how weird becoming a granny could make some people until it happened to my own DM who basically went weird for 9 months, resetting when DD arrived.

1. The whole Corona madness has affected people a lot deeper in ways I believe we’re only seeing now Lockdown is easing a bit. That’s why I truly believe you’ll need to dig deep and take the higher ground.

Still though - say nothing.

I really am not on her side, but sometimes when you're spending a lot of time on your own, little things can grow into big problems, almost a paranoia, also there is also a possibility that she is or going into menopause, which is always joked about, but it really messes your head up (years ago women would end up in aslyums)
I really do t believe she dislikes you at all, She is no doubt excited about this baby and her mind is giving her thoughts of her ex seeing more of it and that you both dont like her much, so she won't get to see her grandchild.
Please be patient and send her just a little cheery card, it's really not giving in to her, just giving her a chance to sort herself out.
I just feel if you've known her for 7 years and all has been good, then there is something else entirely going on with her.

My fist thought was that perhaps she had been drinking and had one more than was sensible.

It would definitely cool my relationship with her and an apology is in order.

Bean counting grandparents need dealing with firmly not pandering to be tying yourself in knots to make sure everything you do is their idea of fair. I live over 200 miles from my Granddaughter, she sees her other grandparents far more than me, I deal with it. It's just the reality of life.

She’s got an xDH she can’t be in the same room with even after 20yrs. She’s got a DD who is pissed at her 😀

I wouldn’t take it to heart OP, the woman seems to have issues. But do put your foot down now because I can see this pettiness continuing. She will be using your future child as emotional blackmail.

If you've never had any problems before I think I'd try not to take it personally and leave it to DH/DP to deal with it. She's clearly got a lot of unresolved issues with her ex. I'd be inclined to not say too much but also be prepared to nip it in the bud of she did something again.

Thank you so much for your replies, I'm glad to have had some outside advice as sometimes I just take everything to heart and struggle to see things objectively.

Yes she's never ever behaved like this so think there must be a lot going on for her, just unfortunate that it has come out like this. Going to see how DH handles the situation, hopefully he can talk with her properly and get to the bottom of it. Sure we will be fine, thanks again for the advice

You tackle it head on via your DH. He says you read the message and you are heartbroken as you thought she liked you and you liked her. He asks her what else is going on and blames himself being lazy/busy ( whatever to get her off his back) during lockdown even if the answer is actually she’s just too needy.

I'd keep out of it. There's nothing in your OP to say that she dislikes you. You know you like her. No need to do anything, but I'd keep the door open.

It will be fairly easy to move past this. You liked her. She wrongly thought you did not like her. Start again - but this time let her know you like her - remembering that actions often speak louder than words.

I would "guide" your OH, tell him this isn't fair, that you have known her for 7 years & thought you had a decent IL/MIL relationship.
If she is jealous about where you are spending your time, she knows this is difficult for everyone, CD19 etc. & you will try & get together asap.
He needs to carefully but clearly tell her to wind her neck in, because if she ostracizes you with this childish jealous outburst , she will inevitably cause a rift which will not work in her favour when the DC arrives.