Have I been unreasonable?

[WhatOnEarth67]

Would genuinely like opinions on whether I’m being unreasonable because if so maybe I’ll become less anxious and change my mind.

I have a 14 week old baby and my immediate family & my DP’s immediate family have met him. Some have been tested and some have been isolating. We haven’t been seeing friends or anyone not related to us due to the virus. It took us 6 weeks to even allow a social distancing meet because I was so anxious about it.

Probably important to add that I’m struggling massively with postpartum mental health issues.

My DP’s brother is due to come down next week from the other side of the country. He planned to stay with his mum for a couple of days before going elsewhere. He is taking the train and will be going through two of the UK’s biggest train stations to get here.

He asked to meet our baby and I told my DP I just wasn’t comfortable with it due to the places he’s travelling through having the highest number of cases and the fact he’s travelling so long.

When DP told his mum I wasn’t comfortable with it, she said she was upset and that it was unfair. She then started ignoring us after I told her how I felt about it. She also told BIL without giving us the opportunity to, and he text my partner saying ‘She’s f*cking doing this on purpose’. It really hurt my feelings because I am not being spiteful or vindictive, I am genuinely just worried about it even with social distancing.

Nobody seems to be annoyed with my DP, just me, and they’re all angry with me.

Obviously quite upset and just wondering whether anyone thinks I’m doing the wrong thing. I understand it must be hurtful for them.

Any advice? AIBU?

You sound anxious in general but not without reason for the visit.

Two things, can you put them off first of all, that's reasonable, second can you talk to your gp about pnd?

Thanks @AriettyHomily - I have been diagnosed with perinatal OCD, but I do think it’s turning into PND. I have a CBT appointment next week which I’m really hoping will help x

Would he be happy with a sd meet up outside at a local cafe or something?

That's considered such low risk.

You'll get no risk all the time the virus is present in the population. Maybe even ask he wears a mask?

Sorry should have said would you be happy with

You are being completely reasonable, don't worry about that. You have to protect your baby

Do get some help if you're struggling, I've been there and it's awful, but your gp can help you

And tell your husband to stand up for you, he should be helping you out with this

@itsgettingweird Possibly. Admittedly I am having quite a bad anxiety today so maybe I’ll be more open to it tomorrow. I do want him to meet our son, I am just also aware that I will be an anxious wreck for at least a week afterwards

Could you not do an outdoor social distant meet, so he can meet your baby but not touch or hold? Seems like a fair compromise. I can see why he’s upset at not being able to meet the baby when travelling so far but I can also understand your anxiety, however if there’s no touching or close proximity there is virtually no risk either. Sorry your mental health is struggling, I can’t imagine how difficult that is to deal with at the moment, hopefully his family sort themselves out and start supporting you.

Oh OP, it sounds like you are suffering.

Can your DP really hammer it home that you are suffering serious PP anxiety etc. OCD is not fun, and in the midst of a pandemic with a newborn.

Your reasons are perfectly valid but I think in this situation I'd settle for an outdoor meet where he could see baby maybe over a coffee etc and potentially hold for a short while having thoroughly sanitised hands and wearing a mask.
I absolutely see where you are coming from but it's so hard for family too with babies changing every day and not being babies for long x