I completely misjudged the situation

[randomer]

Re Covid, I thought buckle up for a rough few weeks, after the initial shock. Then things would return. I find now ( sorry for melodrama) my world is up the creek.
My town is bleak, my friends have lost contact, my MH is crumbling.

I think everyone is wrapped up in their own world. Some people (most I think) are enjoying lock down. Hunkering down with their partners and kids. doing a bit of bubbling every so often.

I personally was never terrified of coronavirus. But have also underestimated the impact of this on me personally. Months of wfh, no life, home education, exceptional pressure at work, ex H being a bastard, anxious children. It's hard.

Like you, I feel that everyone is just shrinking into their own lives.

Yes me too

Sick of everyone saying the new normal
And have you been getting out why don't you walk here
Yes I've got out but life is still very different and I hate it

It's really hard at the moment. Our mental health is fluid and vulnerable at the best of times- this has made things really shit for so many people. YANBU. Reach out to anyone you have nearby. It will get better

We had to pay the balance for our May holiday at the end of February and I remember saying to my husband that I thought it might be best to cancel it and just write off the deposit which wasn’t very much. He was convinced that it was all a fuss about nothing and we’d be on the plane in May...

It’s all so bloody horrible. My parents are 85 and 87 (and still active and in decent health considering their ages) and although we’ve stood chatting with me on the drive and them on the doorstep they’re too nervous of it all to let us into the house. Both me and my sister have been doing shopping for them and, bless them, they said the other night when I dropped their shopping around that they feel awful that we’re having to do this. They thought that after 12 weeks it’d be safe for them to go out. I annoyed and also sad that I’m losing time with my very elderly parents and that they can’t live their lives as they’re used to doing.

Madison, would they not consider just seeing you if you were able to minimise other contacts? It’s so shit.

It's horses for courses - I have a retail job so have had to continue as per normal when I am a deep introvert who would LOVE 3 months confined, more or less, to the house. That doesn't help you, I know.
What has it stopped you doing? Is it company, routine, freedom that you miss? Work that out and work on that area to establish a 'new normal' (sorry!) for you. What have you always meant to do but never got round to at home? What new hobby might you start or improve? How can you bring a little joy to your life every day - buy yourself flowers, cook from scratch, go for a walk. Reach out to others but don't get disheartened if they seem unresponsive - we're all a bit in our heads right now, but the more you do it the more likely you are to get something back

randomer "I am isolated in my isolation." OP I am sorry it feels like this. It definitely is harder for some people but you are not alone.

"I consider making contact but I feel small and insignificant." You are not small you are significant. "One day merges into the next." I think you can find some ways to make the days different, distinct and noticeable. but probably only you know what may work for you and what may be do-able.

I'll give you an example of what I have done. I've done a few zoom meet ups for coffee with friends. I've had a couple where no one was free and yet several where some others did come.

I am sorry you thought it would be all over in a few weeks. But now that we all know Covid-19 is not going away anytime soon I think we all need to buckle down for the long term. Wishful thinking is not going to make it go away. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and reality will be somewhere in between. Wine helps

"My MH is better if I am involved in something but there is nothing available. I need to be amongst people but they are preoccupied or unwell themselves" I can completely see where you are coming from.

Is there anything you can safely be involved in in your area that would help others and help you too?

For example shopping for people who need it, or delivering something for people, assisting with Food bank or any charity? Is there a dogs home that needs people to walk their dogs? Whatever it is, it needs to be safe for you to do and you need to be interested in it.

I've tried doing some art but to be honest it's not for me. Instead I've offered to walk an elderly neighbour's dog.

I'm a bit of a lists person, so I might make a list of what is possible in my area and then add to or cross through the things that were really not for me.

I'd also not overly commit myself to any cause, charity or person, only offer something small at first and see if you can manage it.

You could also take advantage of anything free on line, cookery class, or theatre trip or whatever, through these activities you may make some new friends and you may also find some interest you didn't have before.

Again, be careful, do not commit to anything costs money or demands a time commitment unless it really is what you want to do.

REMEMBER you are important and special but your friends may be feeling unsettled and dealing with their own issues, so make some time for yourself and for new activities that may help.

I knew it would be bad and long. Just didn't realise people I know are actually fuckwits of various descriptions.

@randomer It is very tough I'd give a random text for a park meet up, they might welcome it.
It's a shit lonely time.
Are you living alone? If so they should spare a thought even if they're busy.

I'm feeling similar and have definitely isolated myself from people. The people I most want to see are in a state of shock, numbness and hibernation. The rest I don't have the mental energy to deal with. It's tough.
Prioritize the people you truly care for and continue to let them know you care regularly, even if they are not up to meeting up. It may well help them, and it will continue the relationship so that when things are less shite, you will have friends to return to (or to return to you). It's tough, I completely understand.

I knew it would be bad and long. Just didn't realise people I know are actually fuckwits of various descriptions

OMG this so much. That's been a bit of a shock. And I guess that I am a fuckwit too, for some people.

I've always found stand-up comedy on TV/in the theatre absolutely amazing when I'm feeling low and I've just discovered WhatsOn livestreams of stand-up comedians this week. Any good for you, do you think? (Other genres of entertainment are available.)

www.ents24.com/whatson/from/2020-07-14/to/2020-07-31/feature/streaming/genres/comedy

I feel the same. I have tried to reach out to friends but this has just highlighted that I don't have any true friends. Trying not to feel sorry for myself, although some days I struggle, and focus on my kids. WFH doesn't help but once the kids are back at nursery (and when I can) plan to go to the gym and get out more as I know that will benefit my MH.

Do get in touch with friends. I know I’ve neglected some friends and feel a bit awkward to get in touch.

I’m feeling isolated too. Dh is starting to do stuff like sports with his family - that’s not possible for me.

I’m finding it all quite lonely

It has gone on longer than we ever imagined and still have a way to go but, take heart, there is light at the end of the tunnel and people do recover remarkably quickly.

I am angry. Angry that it's happened
Angry that all the events have been taken away
Angry my life is so different
Angry that I'm reluctant to go anywhere cos of going on buses and trains and having to wear masks on buses and trains and in shops
I'm angry because I haven't had an adult to cuddle so it makes me more angry and sad

I'm a complete introvert and love my own company and theoretically might have thrived in this situation. But it's terrifying. It's the uncertainty. I'm also in HE, and have never worked so hard in my life - we had to move all the exams online, including 2000 orals, while dealing with putting a curriculum online that will be worth £9250 (and it will be - we've worked really hard), but am crying every day from exhaustion and anxiety. And I know, I really do know, that I'm at the moment one of the lucky ones. It wouldn't be so bad if it were pandemic or Brexit, but both together is just too much to contemplate. All this to say, OP, that you're not being unreasonable at all. And yes, agree with purpleme, I ache to see my dearest friends again and hug them.

If it's any consolation I struggled at the beginning when everybody was sure it would be over soon, and I was preparing for serious long haul. I wish I was wrong, but I just knew it would go this way (I work in this area of research) and at the beginning everybody told me I was panicking, anxious, ridiculous etc. I really crashed at the start, but somehow pulled myself through. I've settled into it now.

Sorry, I'm rambling. I guess my point is that if you adjust your expectations you can then plan for it, but ignore whatever other people say. Plan for what will work for you.

Do prepare for the long haul. It's a hard thing to say, but if you can mentally get around the fact that this will be going on for a while longer, it'll help you get through it.

Made me realise who my friends actually were. It was a relieve getting rid of them, but of course the cull has led to virtual isolation.

Back then for me just after that half term, we were a couple of weeks behind italy's timeline. I went through the madness of the virus, eventually recovered and woke up kind of thing to the world gone crazy, maybe it wasn't the fever after all that was making me crazy!!

And the utter panic of having a few days food, child to feed and neither of us could leave the house. Locally for the first week there was lots of community spirit and helping each other out, then it stopped when the shelves were empty in supermarkets.

Ended up relying on takeaways to feed him, which of course was outrageous back then and lots of calls for them all to be closed down. People would just have to cope and the deafening silence when it came to solutions. Shielding household and couldn't get a delivery. After about 3 or 4 weeks of almost daily takeaways, a local shop who knows me, heard and came to our rescue.

I don't have loads of money to begin with, but I've never been so grateful for having some otherwise we would have been really fucked. It made me think about those less fortunate than me and my dc's and have been doing more when I have been able to, not for just now but for long term, to try and raise awareness of how many were abandoned regardless of being on any list.

I had a massive breakdown starting when I had the virus which was great!! Fast tracked through MH so I had ongoing support within days, because of other things also going on, medical people were just waiting for when. Eventually made it through but not fully.

Somewhere during all the grass on your neighbour for going out, and I remember I really needed to go for a walk. But of course I might have this bloody virus, but a part of my coping strategies for my mh is to go out and walk. I live somewhere that was deserted mainly especially late out night. I cannot remember if I had mentioned if I had gone or was thinking about it, and omg the outrage for even thinking about stepping a toe outside the door. Locked myself away from any outside contact for about a week, I'd given people what they really wanted for me to disappear. Had a cull and now people in my rl are those who help look after my health.

I'm a twat like that, I give people a disclaimer when we meet, one day I will tell you to fuck off. Don't ask for a second chance, you've had them all. Cannot deal with that, fair enough.

I found the time just before lockdown to be quite anxiety inducing, but once it happened I was fine. I had one job - to keep my nearest and dearest fed and watered, and to stay at home.

Now I feel anxious again. I hate feeling like I should be doing something but don't want to/don't feel comfortable/worried about being asymptomatic and passing it to someone vulnerable. Guilt about what people are missing out on/family pissed off at us not visiting. The longer it goes on the more I worry I won't want to go anywhere again. I fear it could shake things up a bit politically, socially, economically and I feel apprehensive for the future.

Your friends WILL want to hear from you.

Please, please, please don't say things like this. Or 'please reach out to your friends, they'll want to help you' or anything else in that vein. Because you don't know if it's true. And if it isn't, and the friends aren't replying (as the OP has said they're not) then you risk making that person feel worse, wondering why her friends don't care about her when it seems like everyone else's would.

It's like talking to someone who is suicidal. When they say that no-one would miss them if they weren't here, the last thing you should say is 'but what about your family and friends, they'd miss you' - how do you know? They may not have any friends or family, or their family may genuinely not care. So it doesn't help, it reinforces the idea that they have nothing to live for.

@randomer, I'm sorry I'm talking about you instead of to you, but I'm on your side here - and I definitely am not suggesting you're suicidal. It's just that statements like the one I quoted from this thread annoy the hell out of me and I climbed on my soapbox.

randomer have you looked at discussion forums for people with MH issues? You'd be talking to people who will understand, who will support you and offer help and ideas. I don't mean the 'official' ones run by professionals, but those where the forum members are all going through the same thing (which isn't to say that they're one big pity party, there's a lot of positivity too).

Try these for size:

www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/

depressionforums.co.uk/dpf/

www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/forum.php