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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people can really change?

5 replies

Bananaicecream123 · 17/07/2020 14:49

I’ve name changed for this but it’s probably quite outing anyway.

I have a bunch of close friends from high school and we still see each other regularly, not as much as we used to but still a fair amount. A couple of weeks ago we were having a (socially distantanced) picnic in the park when we saw another woman sat on a bench who we used to go to school with but didn’t really like.

This woman looked kind of sad so I suggested asking her to join us but I got a very firm no from the others, except one but she didn’t want to go against the group. As we were getting up to leave my dd ran off to pick some flowers so I was the last one to leave. By now the woman had noticed me and half waved very timidly. We had to walk by her to leave the park so I went over and said hi. Turns out she has had a rough time lately, she’s lost her mum recently and is going through a messy divorce. I gave her my number and we texted a few times since then.

Today we met up at a cafe in town, we were sitting at a table outside when two of my friends walked past, they didn’t say anything at the time but gave me The look of shame and sure enough just now we had an argument about it.

I know I’ve rambled but here’s my actual aibu. This woman was a complete bitch in school especially to one of my friends, the one I would consider to be my best friend but I feel she really has changed. If I had to pick I would obviously side with my best friend and not see this woman again. I know I said and did somethings when I was younger that I wish I could take back, I think everybody has regrets about how they behaved at one point or another. It has been almost 10 years since we finished school so is it time my friend let it go or should I not see this woman again?

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 17/07/2020 19:52

I can see why your friends are pissed but its your party. You can speak to whoever you want.
Also I don't think people change imo

Letshavesometea · 17/07/2020 20:00

Of course people change! I am absolutely not the (not so) nice person I was in high school.

lukasiak · 18/07/2020 03:41

People change.

This is going to sound horrible, but it's something that I own, I'm actually very friendly now with a girl whose life I helped make a living hell back in primary school. We will never be best friends because of that shared past (shame, because if I hadn't been so full of myself as a child/young teen we very well could've been) and her mother still hates my guts (again, don't blame her), but we get along very well and meet up for lunch, have intellectal discussions, and attend each others events. It's definitely me who has changed (wasn't a happy child with severe mental health issues and shitty, cliquey friends) rather than her.

isabellerossignol · 18/07/2020 03:45

You can see and be friends with whoever you want, and people can change.

I'd be devastated if one of my friends started hanging out with my school bully and I left school over 20 years ago. But in fairness, every time I have come across her in the 20 years since leaving, she has still been awful. If she was sorry for being so awful all those years ago I'd feel differently.

piscean10 · 18/07/2020 04:28

well she wasnt a bitch to you, so no wonder you want to feel better than everyone else and look so forgiving.
if you were the recipient of being bullied your tune would very quickly change.

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