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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL

36 replies

junebug87 · 17/07/2020 14:48

Last year my SIL stayed with us for a few days. To put it mildly, it wasn't a great visit and I was glad to when she went home. During her stay, she fell out with DH and one evening started screaming at him, calling him every name going. This followed on from a drunken jibe that she felt her brother had changed and was clearly sexually frustrated. She made this remark to myself. I ignored her at the time but since this visit I feel like she's tried to exclude me from things.

She's going through a divorce. When it first happened, DH told me and said not to say anything as she hadn't wanted me to know. This shortly followed on from me receiving a birthday card that I didn't find amusing and felt she was mocking me for being unattractive with the card and content. She has since reactivated her FB account and has added every other family member, excluding myself. I am not going to beg and send a friend request, but I honestly can't think what I have done. We also have a family WHatsAPP group. When I post a photo on there of DS she sees it, but never replies (replies to everybody else), but when DH posts a photo of DS she's all over it.

I know I am probably be sensitive, but she really irks me and it leaves me feeling like an outsider. Family gatherings are always a bit awkward too. DH thinks I've offended her - if anything, its the other way around, but not sure if I am just being silly and unreasonable!?!

OP posts:
Original poster
junebug87 · 17/07/2020 15:04

I should also add that DH received an apology for the way he was spoken to, but I didn't.

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 17/07/2020 15:07

Ask her how you've upset her?

SeasonFinale · 17/07/2020 15:10

Hang on, if DH thinks you have offended her then he knows why otherwise how did he get to this conclusion? Personally I reckon she is jealous that you are in a loving relationship with her brother and feels you have taken him away from her. (Daft but happens so often!)

BlingLoving · 17/07/2020 15:14

Well , if Dh thinks you've offended her then he needs to ask her what the hell is going on so that he can explain that she's mistaken or (unlikely) ask you to apologise for whatever it is.

This kind of thing winds me up no end.

Justanotherwrinkle · 17/07/2020 15:16

I would expect my DH to square up on this one and tell her he has noticed and that’s it’s petty and what’s the issue?
She sounds incredibly childish and hard work and tbh I’d be distancing myself anyway.

Nymeriastark1 · 17/07/2020 15:20

Why is she concerned about her brother being sexual frustrated, bit bloody weird. She doesn't sound like much of a loss just ignore her.

Original poster
junebug87 · 17/07/2020 15:24

I am trying to socially distance myself. I leave the FT to DH. DH sort of gets it when I explained, but thinks I am also being sensitive and took a drunken remark too seriously. I've also stopped replying to any of her WhatsApp group remarks as invariably I will say the wrong thing etc. I just don't get it tbh!

OP posts:
MyOwnSummer · 17/07/2020 15:28

She's acting like a petulant child, and its not your job to parent her. I'd stay well away and let your DH deal with it.

JRUIN · 17/07/2020 15:32

Did you not ask your DH in which way he thinks you may have offended her?

Original poster
junebug87 · 17/07/2020 16:06

She also uses the group to moan about how hard her life is (not having any money), and how she can only afford to provide water at her divorce party. She doesn't work, but is equally happy to send photos of her out and about drinking with friends!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 17/07/2020 16:16

No, you're not being too sensitive, your SIL is a grade A, platinum coded bitch, who has taken an intense dislike to you, and is taking every opportunity to be nasty to you, to cold shoulder you, and to try and put you on the outer, and ideally, in her eyes, to create a wedge between you and DH. You have my sympathies.

Alongcameacat · 17/07/2020 16:22

Sounds like you are better off keeping your distance tbh. My SIL likes to manipulate and appear hand done by when things don’t go as she wants. I have zero time for her. Her parents are being completely (and willingly) manipulated by her. It’s easier to keep her at arms length and have as little involvement with her as possible.

babycakes1010 · 17/07/2020 16:28

Fuck her...don't worry about it...I'm in my dh families WhatsApp group and if I post stuff nothing is said but if my dh does then the response is unbelievable.
I've let it wash over me now and just send pictures of the kids now and then just to show I'm not petty and they can't say I haven't bothered

bonjonbovi · 17/07/2020 16:43

Just leave the DH family WhatsApp group. Leave DH to deal with his family - if it’s not visible, it won’t piss you off so much.

billy1966 · 17/07/2020 17:05

Your husband doesn't sound very supportive.

It's very dismissive of him to say you are being "sensitive".

I wouldn't be impressed with him!

Fully avoid his sister and family things if they make you feel uncomfortable.

Do NOTHING for his family.

Suit yourself.

Your husband certainly is.

Flowers
excuseforfights · 17/07/2020 17:12

I wouldn’t want her in my house ever again. You shouldn’t have people who disrespect you in your home.

Your DH sounds like a wet lettuce. Don’t ask her why she’s ‘offended’, ignore the twat.

mbosnz · 17/07/2020 17:20

My DH (we were very young, he was very blind) was, 'oh you're being oversensitive', too.

Women can be utter bitches to other women in ways that it damned near takes a belt upside the man's head with your Le Creuset frypan to get a man to see. . .

MeridianB · 17/07/2020 17:25

She sounds vile. Ignore her and get off social media.

randolph78 · 17/07/2020 17:41

Did you say something to her about the card you got?

Sceptre86 · 17/07/2020 18:14

She is a bitch. Don't give her headspace and do not allow her to stay at your home again. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home and if she makes you feel uncomfortable then she should not be welcomed. Peace dh to it.

Sceptre86 · 17/07/2020 18:14

*leave

WorraLiberty · 17/07/2020 18:19

You haven't done anything wrong OP.

Its sounds as though she just doesn't like you.

I think you need to make peace with that. Personally I'd be thanking my lucky stars!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 17/07/2020 18:21

Funny looks and excluding someone from the conversation is difficult to prove but inviting everyone but one to be a facebook friend and never replying to your posts on a WhatsApp group shows in a factual way she is treating you differently. I think your husband should have a word. Either sort out her differences with you (she wont) or at least be civil and treat you as part of the family even if you're not best friends, or he distances himself from her so he isnt in the middle

caitlinohara · 17/07/2020 18:24

Sorry but even mentioning her brother in the same sentence as sex is just icky! Had she always been like this or just since her breakup?

FortniteBoysMum · 17/07/2020 18:45

My partners sister was like this to me for a few years made it very clear she did not like me. Mind you our kids were treated the same where as other brothers son was clearly favoured. It got to a point when dps brother was getting married in the hen do chat it all exploded as some things were done to try to irritate me. She did not count on me biting back. Mind you it cleared the air and now things are good. I suggest you send her a private message saying you don't know why she has a problem with you or if it's just bitterness because of her divorce but if she has a problem that's her choice. The least she can do is be civil in the family chat and in person as others will pick up on it.

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