Birthday presents for my children

[1neverending]

I don't want to sound grabby but want to check whether AIBU about my expectations.

I have two best friends who are also related so family by marriage. We have known each other since I've known my husband so aprox 24 years, we all married at similar times and have children the same ages. I absolutely love them and we spend holidays and birthday together.

None of us our great at Birthday cards etc, but we agreed when the children were born we do no xmas presents by spend £10 on each child for their birthday gifts. I appreciate they don't have as much income as I do so if they ask for an idea I will often choose something £7-8 and often spend a bit more on their kids £15 as they give me clothes from their children.

Last year one of them despite knowing it was my daughter's birthday age 7 didn't get her card or gift, her birthday was on a school day and they saw her on that day and we see them regularly as we do the school run for them 3 days a week, they then didn't get my eldest anything either.

I completely understand and don't expect gifts but they mentioned both occasions a few times and said they were going to do it.

1 year on and again I've had no card from the same friend and the other friend has just dropped of a card my daughter but with no gift.

Part of me believes you don't give to receive but I am upset as I guess because we are best friends and open about stuff we had all agreed to do gifts of £10 and so I have bought presents or given money to both of their children during lockdown.

Sorry for the ramble but what would you do ?

Don't buy them anything other than a card from now on. If they happen to say anything to you I would then say oh I thought we weren't doing gifts anymore as you didn't get my 2 any last time round

That's the easy solution, but I love these kids more that my own nephews & nieces. We spend so much time together pre lockdown

In this situation there’s very little to do, unless you want to have a cup of tea and explain you feel hurt on your daughters part, & just to clarify the situation.

Money could be tight. I agree, just drop down to card only and if you feel the need, explain to your child that money can be tight but it doesn't mean they like her less. It's good not to expect presents off people, then anything is a bonus. And despite initial agreement, years down the line, these costs can add up. There are likely other obligations and other things they need to buy.

If they are such good friends can you not just talk to them and ask what the issue is?

I would stop exchanging gifts.
They won’t mention it but if they do just say you thought they’d stopped exchanging gifts.
Was this idea suggested by you by any chance?

No this ideas was not mine, but my kids adore these friends and to be honest would be happy with a £1 item from the pound shop if it was from their best friends. I am very aware that I am in a more fortunate position financially but it's not about the money or presents. One of the friends has not even given a card or text to my daughter for the second year, so I guess I really want them to care about my kids like I care about theirs

I have always said to everyone, not to worry about cards for the adults etc so don't expect anything for me.

Why can’t your kids just enjoy their friendship with their friends without any monetary value attached to it?
The same with you but I love these kids more that my own nephews & nieces
You can still love them as much without giving them a gift.

I think YABU. They could have financial issues you know nothing about. Or last year could have been an oversight but this year they are suffering financially because of coronavirus. They might have more important things to worry about atm like whether they will keep their jobs/homes.

If that were the case and they were such good friends they would presumably say thibgs are a bit tight during lockdown so no gifts this year ok. But they haven't. They are happy to receive but ignore your DC.