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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand what the issue is with using toddler reins?

51 replies

DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 17/07/2020 10:38

I'll try and make this short.

Mother outside my daughters school scoffed and frowned when I mentioned in passing what a great time my son and I were having going on walks, now that we had toddler reins and I didn't have to carry him in the sling any more. I no longer have to force him to hold my hand on roadsides and busy pavements if he's walking instead of being carried, and he seems so much happier being able to explore his surroundings. He never pulls at them or tried to get them off...not relevant but they're the funky backpack kind, buzz lightyear ;)

She didn't give me a reason for her adverse reaction, just said that she 'didn't believe children should be restrained' and that she would 'much rather keep them safe and close in a sling than running riot on a leash'

So....AIBU to not see what negative adverse effects toddler reins will have on my son? He's 17 months. Surely on reins and being able to explore is better than trying to let go of my hand and potentially running in to a road?

FWIW we also don't own a pushchair....small cobbled village with tiny shops never made for an easy experience!

OP posts:

Kapps123 · 17/07/2020 11:37

I remember getting snarky comments when my daughter wore them as a toddler. They are a godsend when you have a bolter!

Hyrana · 17/07/2020 11:46

I had two close together and my DD was an angel but had she decided to run I would have been useless. I had reins for DS and a very lax wrist thing for DD. Without reins I could not have taken them out walking.

Original poster

DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 17/07/2020 11:46

See....I'm still waiting now for the mums who DON'T agree with snarky woman!

Knobhead. I felt like the worst mum in the world - like I'd missed some major news bulletin that deemed them cruel and mentally damaging.

Good to know I'm in good company.

OP posts:

StrangerSwings · 17/07/2020 11:51

Stupid comment, if she doesn't want to use them fine. Different strokes for different folkes and all that 🤷‍♀️

I loved them for my two. It also meant I was able to pull them away from danger or stop a fall if it ever arised. Top tip- also brilliant for learning to ride a bike without stabilisers!

Midsommar · 17/07/2020 11:54

I don't have children but I really don't see the big deal about using reins on toddlers! Would you rather have them on reins or have them run into a busy road? People need to wind their necks in.

zingally · 17/07/2020 11:56

I used old-fashioned toddler reins for my twins from the time they were walking at 14 and 16 months, until they were about two and a half.

Neither were runners particularly, but juggling two toddlers, a bag, sometimes a buggy as well - because one would always get tired - reins seemed like a no-brainer.

Never felt judged once. Only ever got smiles and nods from folk, amused at seeing these two tiny tots plodding along.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 17/07/2020 12:00

Most of DS1's second year was spent in some kind of Turner-and-Hooch-style standoff where I'd chase him, he'd sprint at the speed of light and laugh like a drain, I'd mutter what the fuck was I thinking having DC. My neighbour gave him a backpack shaped like a bee with reins attached and it was like a lightbulb went off for us both.

Use the reins. Use them and tell her you plan to keep your DS on them til he's 24, just to be sure he's safe.

Also, as parent to two boys who were both in slings from the minute they were born, there comes a point where you just need to tire them out and let them belt about the place (safely). It's good for children to get exercise, fresh air and movement. She's a knob and should be ignored.

IWantThatName · 17/07/2020 12:04

I had reins when I was a toddler; my children had reins when they were a toddler. We've all grown up reasonably sane without traumatic issues from ooh, I dunno - being kept safe?!!

Itisbetter · 17/07/2020 12:05

I think it’s weird you don’t understand her aversion when she explained her reasoning. I don’t think it’s weird you don’t agree with her because people are different.

Original poster

DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 17/07/2020 12:05

Just realised a typo on my last post changed the whole meaning of the sentence....

I meant I was waiting for the women who DO agree with her. Idiot

OP posts:

HaudMaDug · 17/07/2020 12:10

As an Auntie with no great experience of child herding I'd have lost my nephew by now if I didn't have him on his lead in one hand and my dog on his lead in the other. Neither of them seem to be damaged by being extra safe in my care.

whatshebininagain · 17/07/2020 12:11

Not long ago I saw a child of about 2, walking a few feet ahead of his mum, suddenly run into the road. This is a main artery through the city where an elderly person had been killed a few weeks before.

By sheer chance there was no traffic coming and she managed to grab him. I was on the opposite side of the road so could do nothing but watch in horror. It happened in a heartbeat and it was so lucky there was a pause in traffic on what is a very busy 4 lane road.

I hope she went out and bought reigns the same day.

whatshebininagain · 17/07/2020 12:12

reins

BabyLlamaZen · 17/07/2020 12:14

They've never had kids, never had a runner or would rather a kid is locked up in a pushchair or being squeezed to your side then allowed to run free. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or they just love a hard life because it doesn't look natural or whatever.

BabbleBee · 17/07/2020 12:15

Ooh this reminds me of when my now DD was small, we visited family in Florida. I went to put her reins on in a mall and my Aunt reacted with horror - apparently my DD wasn’t a dog, shouldn’t be ‘on a leash’ and I was breaching her human rights.

How I laughed...

MrsXx4 · 17/07/2020 12:15

When I was pregnant I said I’d never use a dummy or reins as I thought both were unnecessary! Oh how quickly that opinion changed! On both items!

I know of a lady who’s baby darted into the road before she could grab her and it still sends me cold, she lost her little girl and whenever I get a judgemental stare because my boy is on his reins I just think of that lady and think how quickly your entire world can collapse around you. I know it’s extreme but I don’t think I’ll ever get her out of my head and I hold my boys hand and his reins so tightly when we are out walking! You do you! Sod anyone else!

Redcrayons · 17/07/2020 12:18

It’s usually said by people who have children who are very compliant and will walk nicely holding hands without any fuss. They also think that this is down to their superior parenting.
I have twins and always used them. One would have been fine without, the other one would have been running into roads and diving into ponds at any opportunity.
Rather a short time ‘on a leash’ than under a bus.

SisterAgatha · 17/07/2020 12:20

My sister in law made the comment that the child is like a dog on a lead. Which I found hilarious because I’ve never seen her alone with her own children in 10 years, her mum, sister, MIL or dad is always holding their hands so I can’t see that she has much experience with keeping children out of roads.

CrimeCantCrackItself · 17/07/2020 12:53

Top tip- also brilliant for learning to ride a bike without stabilisers!

That, right there, is fucking GENIUS! THANK YOU!!

I used reins from DS being able to walk. About 12 months. He was still is at nearly 4 a liability They're a god send. I've had dog walkers laugh with me about the reins "I bet yours is better behaved than mine!" Etc but that's it. And I used the old fashioned ones, not the backpack style. If we were going into a crowd situation now then I would stick them on him again. Better safe than sorry on this subject.

lifesalongsong · 17/07/2020 12:53

It's not something I used, it didn't even cross my mind and I very rarely see anyone with them but it can't really have been a shock to you that there are many different practices on child rearing can it. You seem to have a very strong reaction to a difference of opinion.

Original poster

DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 17/07/2020 12:57

@lifesalongsong it was more curiosity - i was curious about what the possible downsides were to them. It baffled me a little.

And yes, I took offence to some-one commenting that my child was on a 'leash'. Twas a little upsetting.

OP posts:

ArriettyJones · 17/07/2020 13:00

She said that, did she?

LadyPrigsbottom · 17/07/2020 13:01

Dc1 was 'a bolter'. It was terrifying, especially on busy roads. Pushchair was no good as we also seemed to have a little Houdini, who hated the pushchair and dc would just climb out. I got a wrist strap thing in the end, but can't say we used it a lot. I did get a few raised eyebrows when I mentioned that to school mums the other day actually.

Dc2 loves the pushchair and holds hand almost without fail, so I've never needed the wrist strap thingy. If I'd had dc2 first, maybe I'd have not understood the need for them either though.

Itisbetter · 17/07/2020 13:55

We tried reins once. Didn’t work for me so managed without. I don’t care what other people do though.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 17/07/2020 13:55

My son is 4 and has autism among other things so has absolutely no danger awareness or impulse control. He cannot run with the other children after school as the gates open onto a main road and he will not stop.
We use traditional reins with him for his safety but he also holds hands too. The reins are to stop him bolting.
We are having another baby soon and are getting a wrist strap to attach to the pushchair so that we have a few extra seconds to grab him if he decides to bolt.
As far as I'm concerned, my child cannot keep himself safe and cannot follow the rules all the time so I need to have a back up just in case. I know some of the other parents judge us but I'm not losing my child under a car for something as stupid as not using reins

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