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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand what the issue is with using toddler reins?

51 replies

DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 17/07/2020 10:38

I'll try and make this short.

Mother outside my daughters school scoffed and frowned when I mentioned in passing what a great time my son and I were having going on walks, now that we had toddler reins and I didn't have to carry him in the sling any more. I no longer have to force him to hold my hand on roadsides and busy pavements if he's walking instead of being carried, and he seems so much happier being able to explore his surroundings. He never pulls at them or tried to get them off...not relevant but they're the funky backpack kind, buzz lightyear ;)

She didn't give me a reason for her adverse reaction, just said that she 'didn't believe children should be restrained' and that she would 'much rather keep them safe and close in a sling than running riot on a leash'

So....AIBU to not see what negative adverse effects toddler reins will have on my son? He's 17 months. Surely on reins and being able to explore is better than trying to let go of my hand and potentially running in to a road?

FWIW we also don't own a pushchair....small cobbled village with tiny shops never made for an easy experience!

OP posts:
applemousey · 17/07/2020 10:41

I was just talking about this with my sister. I never understand why some people scoff at the safest option. My toddler was a runner, and using them meant I had peace of mind they wouldn't bolt in a crowd or near a road.

LovingLola · 17/07/2020 10:42

Just ignore them.

ShowOfHands · 17/07/2020 10:44

It's the same as any decision ever. Some people don't like it. You won't find anything that is 100% supported from vaccination to reins to method of feeding. Fortunately, you're talking about a minority attitude. Just ignore it.

WorraLiberty · 17/07/2020 10:45

YANBU I think they're a great idea.

However, I would still keep him firmly in the habit of holding your hand when walking down the road as he won't be using reins forever.

So many parents struggle to get their 3/4/5 year olds to hold their hands and I wonder if it's because they've got used to not doing it, due to the reins?

WisestIsShe · 17/07/2020 10:46

Anything that means DC can walk safely can only be a good thing, surely? I'm a childminder and sometimes have to use them for the littlest mindee. It wouldn't be possible to keep all three children safe without them. Mindee's parents are happy with this because they'd rather he was walking than sat in the pram .

Whatever way you choose to parent your child you'll always find someone who loves to judge.

Destroyedpeople · 17/07/2020 10:47

Oh she sounds really precious. 'Safe and close in a sling'......Grin until what age exactly?
I used to have my twins on reins when using the bus station and did get some comments. Still better a few silly comments than a squished toddler eh?

One Greek girl said my children were 'like dogs'...

What a cow. She did look shocked when I gave her dead eye as she wasn't expected scruffy single mum with kids on strings to understand her language...

Destroyedpeople · 17/07/2020 10:49

But yes try to get in the habit of still having him hold your hand . That is good advice.

AngelicInnocent · 17/07/2020 10:51

Isn't safe and secure in a sling a form of having them restrained?

Agree with pp though, make sure DC still stop and hold hands to cross the road. It's a good habit for the future.

Original poster
DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 17/07/2020 10:52

Thanks everyone - feel a little better! I was genuinely shocked and trying to work out what possible disadvantages there were. Baffling.

Of course - hand is always held and he's kept close when on busy roads. Lucky my town is currently pedestrianised due to covid, but he's always hand held or carried along main roads, least until there's some level of verbal reasoning to be had :)

OP posts:
Original poster
DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 17/07/2020 10:53

My OP was referencing busy pavements in town where I would normally just be holding his hand for security. Or should I hold his hand here too?

OP posts:
Original poster
DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 17/07/2020 10:55

@Destroyedpeople LOVE THIS. Think there's a thread here somewhere about "overheard in my mother tongue" - there's some great ones!

OP posts:
Coffeecak3 · 17/07/2020 10:56

My dgs had backpack reins at a similar age. He was quite happy and they were still useful when he was 4 and my son had to negotiate an airport with him and luggage.

bathorshower · 17/07/2020 10:57

Some parents get a child like mine who never ran into the road (don't worry, she's provided plenty of other challenges); I didn't need reins because she simply didn't run into danger - we spent a lot of time by the river, where again, she was fine. It isn't my parenting, it's luck, but some people confuse the two....

EachandEveryone · 17/07/2020 11:02

In the 70’s we all had them. They were great when you were —forced— babysitting your younger siblings.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/07/2020 11:03

It takes seconds for a little hand to slip free and a toddler to get lost or into the road.
Dogs wear leads to stop them running off or across roads. Why treat a dog's life as more precious than a child's? A lead is reins for a pet. Not reins being a dog lead for a toddler.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/07/2020 11:05

Busy with people I always held hand aswell. It keeps them close.

Wither · 17/07/2020 11:08

My eldest was a runner, so we had one of those backpacks. Couldn’t care less what anyone thought.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 17/07/2020 11:08

Hahaha I was so judgemental about those before I had ds who was a " bolter" !
I bought one of those backpacks with reins attached only because I wanted to style it out after all the ignorant comments I'd made beforehand!

Ahwig · 17/07/2020 11:09

My son was in reins and walked st 9 months so wanted to be up using his new skills and not confined to a pushchair. But I do have a funny story about them. We had gone to a petting zoo which was fenced in and completely safe so I let him toddle off to explore with me just behind him. So there he was toddling along when suddenly he stopped dead. He tried to toddle on but he couldn’t move. He turned around to see a baby goat nibbling his reins. I went to intervene thinking he would be scared but no he tapped the baby goat on his nose and the goat opened his mouth in a startled way , the reins fell out and off he toddled again. It made me laugh out loud then and still makes me smile now but I’m sure someone will think not only was I treating him like dog on. a lead but I am guilty of a goat being attacked. So just to assure any doubters No goats were harmed in the petting zoo at the time of this “ incident “ and my son did not grow up thinking he was a dog

Notredamn · 17/07/2020 11:10

Those people would clearly rather see kids under the wheel of a bus than safe and protected, so are their opinions really worth a second thought? They're weirdos.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 17/07/2020 11:10

There's a poster on here called MrsPresley who had twins many years ago, her (ex) husband took their 2yr old twins out, with no reins. He got distracted by one twin, and the other took that opportunity to bolt into the road and sadly he was hit by a car and was killed.

For this reason alone I much prefer to have my children safely restrained than simply holding a hand.

EmpressSuiko · 17/07/2020 11:15

My ds has autism, reins were my saviour, he had a cute monkey backpack, he hated being kept in the pram and wanted to walk but refused to hold my hand and due to hypermobility he was exceptionally clumsy and would fall over his feet constantly so letting him run free wasn’t an option as I’d be chasing him and trying to constantly stop him falling, with the reins he was able to toddle around merrily and if he tripped I was able to grab him easily to prevent him hurting himself.
Not everyone has to agree but I can’t stand it when someone looks down on another parent for their choice.

DoubleTweenQueen · 17/07/2020 11:16

They were essential and probably life-saving for dc2. DC 1 didn't really need them. Children are all different, and you can't afford to use hindsight. We had the reins, and a small backpack with optional rein. They both loved taking their favourite things in the backpack.

M0mmyneedswine · 17/07/2020 11:25

I used reins for my 3 especially useful with baby in pushchair and toddler as couldnt always hand hold safely

Straycatstrut · 17/07/2020 11:28

I got this when I kept both of mine in an off-road buggy until they were 3. I'm a single parent, don't drive and both would bolt quick as lightening. Would NOT hold hands. My 4 year old is still an absolute pain with it but at least he understands why he has to now whilst crossing roads.

The LOOKS I got at my buggy as they strapped their kids into their car-seats to transport them on a different set of wheels were hilarious. I always used to think at least mine were out in the fresh air and I was getting tons of exercise in!

Many parents of the non-bolters think all kids are the same. I remember being terrified watching 2yo twins running way ahead of their mum alongside a main road, right to the edge to press the crossing button. If that were my boys they'd have forgotten all my warnings and run straight across.