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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think family should care about ds’s birthday?

6 replies

Cardiff76 · 16/07/2020 22:46

It is ds’s 10th birthday tomorrow. We invited my mum and sister round for midday and I’m doing a little spread. All socially distanced. We haven’t seen my sister since February and she hasn’t shown any desire to come and see us once lockdown began to ease, despite the fact she only lives a 10 minute drive away and has been to stay over night with friends.

Anyway, my mum has now said she will pop in to hand over her present but can’t stay, as my brother is flying in from NI tomorrow night and she needs to go food shopping. My sister has just text to say she’ll transfer me some money for ds as she doesn’t know what to get him.

I feel like neither of them are particularly keen on coming, and aren’t interested in ds. He has asd and is really looking forward to his grandma being there in particular. He would normally have a party with his friends, and because of covid that isn’t happening. I just wanted to make his day as special as it can be and feel let down. My family have form for this sort of stuff but aibu for expecting more? For them to come for a little bite to eat and be happy to do so? To put a tiny bit of thought into a present? I’d rather them just not bother?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 17/07/2020 00:02

I was going to say that some people aren't ready to come out and everyone is in a different 'place' in their mind.

However, reading in your post, she has been happy to stay at other people's houses, then I do think they are being unreasonable, or YANBU.

He is of an age when he knows that people mark birthdays, and, especially as they know he can't have a 'school friends' party, then it would be nice if they were willing to commit to coming over for a couple of hours.
You must be very disappointed.

Mrstwiddle · 17/07/2020 00:05

Yes, they’re being selfish, tell them how this will upset your son, and if they’re not willing to make the effort, then I would ensure I didn’t go out of my way for them in the future.

PennyArcade · 17/07/2020 00:18

Yes they are being selfish. I’m sure when they have an important date to mark you will have something better to do OP.

It sucks when you realise your dc are not important to the family 😔

Hope your DS has the best day he can. I’m certain you will make sure he will 💐

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 17/07/2020 00:24

My family are like this. I've basically readjusted my expectations of them and instead would invite a grown up friend of mine over or plan a special meal/trip and not plan on them being there at all. They sometimes fly by for their "30mins just dropping by not staying..." but if we dont build up to it it doesnt matter.

locked2020 · 17/07/2020 01:41

I would be hurt by this too. Hope you have a great day with your son.

Beeziekn33ze · 17/07/2020 01:45

Would it help to gat your mother and brother to come the next day?

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