To not know how to help my friend (or even if she needs it)

[MollieMaeve]

I have a relatively new friend who I know through a hobby - over the last year we have started seeing each other outside the hobby for a coffee or a few drinks etc or with our kids as our daughters are friends through school.

Since we met she has made the odd comment about her DH that made me internally raise my eyebrows - he texts her constantly whilst we are out and she always says ‘God he’s just obsessed with me’ or something similar jokingly.

She says that she keeps money aside secretly as he gets cross if she buys her DC a treat when they are out (they are not short of money) and that he doesn’t like her spending money on certain things.

Whenever we do meet up she has to be home by a certain time or he starts calling and she cancelled plans with me yesterday (just going for a walk) as he told her she has too much to do at home.

All these things make me concerned about her. Some of it could be an excuse (she actually wants to get home and so preps him to call her/she just didn’t want to meet yesterday) but my internal alarm bells are ringing.

AIBU to not know whether something is wrong and if so how to help? And advice, wise AIBUers?

You are right to be concerned, but sadly I don’t think there’s much you can do. It does sound like he is controlling and probably abusive too.

I have been in a relationship like this and I have also had friends in these kinds of relationships. From my experience, she has to want to leave him, and make the decision herself.

Please support her, and let her know that you will be there for her if she wants to talk or if she needs help to leave (if you feel comfortable with that). If she broaches the subject with you, it may be worth recommending that she speaks to somewhere like Womens Aid.

You sound like a lovely friend, OP.

Thank you, I will keep my ears open and make sure she knows I am here if she needs me.