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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't want husband to take DD on bus

37 replies

Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 09:26

My DH is off work today and I asked him what he was going to do today with our DD (2yo). He said they were going to walk into town and then get the bus back because DD loves the bus (which is true- she does). I questioned whether it was a good idea to take her on a bus in the current climate- especially as she can't wear a mask.

DH is now angry and says I've ruined their plans and if it had been my own idea I wouldn't have had an issue with it. For background- I have taken DD on buses at start of this year- pre Covid- as an 'activity'. however I haven't taken her on any kind of public transport since, because we are lucky enough to own a car and even since lockdown has eased I haven't felt it safe or fair to add more people onto a bus or train who don't actually need to be on there and are just going on a joy ride.

AIBU to say I don't think a bus ride is an appropriate fun activity for our toddler right now?

OP posts:
Loveinatimeofcovid · 16/07/2020 09:27

Do you have a reason to feel concerned about her being on public transport? One of you shielding of something like that?

Sirzy · 16/07/2020 09:28

A non essential journey just for the sake of it seems madness to me at the moment.

Ds loves trains but he knows it will be a long time before we go on any train rides as thankfully we don’t need to use public transport

Emeraldshamrock · 16/07/2020 09:30

I would feel the same unless it was necessary. The amount of people with the mask under their chin coughing on the bus you get all sorts. I got off 4 stops early and walked.

Original poster
Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 09:40

@Loveinatimeofcovid

Do you have a reason to feel concerned about her being on public transport? One of you shielding of something like that?
No we don't have to shield or anything like that thankfully. I guess I just feel that Covid19 is still a risk and it is still out there and tbh I see buses and trains as moving germ wagons anyway. I think we do all need to try and get back to normal as best we can because C19 isn't going anywhere for a long time, but a bus trip purely for entertainment when people are being told they have to wear masks on them (and DD can't due to age) just feels like unnecessary risk and exposure to potential C19 carriers (she could even be one of the carriers herself- if she was asymptomatic there's no way of us knowing is there).

I am happy for her to go back to nursery, we are meeting friends and family outdoors (within government guidelines) but I feel all of that has greater importance in her social development and wellbeing. Whereas a bus ride... she will love it for the 20 mins she's on there for and then she will promptly forget about it by this afternoon.

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 16/07/2020 09:42

I think the advice at the moment would be to avoid public transport if you can. Taking public transport just for fun seems stupid to me, at the moment

nitsandwormsdodger · 16/07/2020 09:43

I probably would not choose to go on a bus at the moment
But I would not have a row about it either

Hopeisnotastrategy · 16/07/2020 09:45

Does DH often get angry rather than have a sensible discussion?

muststopeatingfroyo · 16/07/2020 09:46

I wouldn't get on a bus unless I really needed to and I wouldn't take care child in a bus. YANBU

Original poster
Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 09:46

@OoohTheStatsDontLie

I think the advice at the moment would be to avoid public transport if you can. Taking public transport just for fun seems stupid to me, at the moment
Yes that's what I think too.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 09:47

@nitsandwormsdodger

I probably would not choose to go on a bus at the moment But I would not have a row about it either
We haven't had a row about it. I said my bit, he then got annoyed and pissy but he's taken her out for a walk instead.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 09:48

@Hopeisnotastrategy

Does DH often get angry rather than have a sensible discussion?
Yes, unfortunately he can be rather petulant on occasion. I have made him aware of it. To be fair I can sometimes be stupidly stubborn on occasion just to make a point, so neither one of us is perfect.
OP posts:
Itsarattrap · 16/07/2020 09:49

No, YANBU at all in the current climate.

TeddyIsaHe · 16/07/2020 09:49

Isn’t there something like 1 in 4000 people with covid atm?

I took Dd on the train last week to go have a picnic in the park with my sister. Everyone on the train wore masks. It was great fun! Especially after dd not able to do anything similar for months.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/07/2020 09:53

YABU from a safety perspective. We don't own a car so I've taken DS on the bus on several occasions. He doesn't wear a mask. They're very quiet. We haven't caught Covid.

Saying that, if you have a car and have no real need to get the bus other than DD will enjoy it then that's a bit unnecessary really. People who don't have cars and rely on public transport have no choice.

Itsarattrap · 16/07/2020 09:54

Numbers are guesswork unless every single person is tested.

Original poster
Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 09:55

@TeddyIsaHe

Isn’t there something like 1 in 4000 people with covid atm?

I took Dd on the train last week to go have a picnic in the park with my sister. Everyone on the train wore masks. It was great fun! Especially after dd not able to do anything similar for months.

I think for our area the R rate is 0.8-1.0. Not sure how that translates in terms of how many people have covid. I don't actually think it's possible to get an accurate number of people with covid because lots can be asymptomatic- so you just wouldn't know if you had it or not.
OP posts:
Mnhealth202020 · 16/07/2020 09:55

I haven't felt it safe or fair to add more people onto a bus or train who don't actually need to be on there and are just going on a joy ride.

I agree with you, you did the right thing. We’re not back to normal yet, I don’t think people should take buses for the sole reason of entertaining their 2 year old who likes buses. I know trains in my area are still on “essential travel only”, leisure travel still isn’t permitted, I don’t think this journey is essential.

Also not to be nasty but buses tend to host gross, unhygienic members of the public. I would massively regret taking public transport in this circumstance if I ended up being on a relatively busy service with people not wearing masks and coughing/sneezing. It’s a confined space.

Can’t he just take her on a scenic drive instead? It’s not the same, I know, but he can think of creative ways to entertain her.

PumpkinP · 16/07/2020 09:56

I get the bus every day with my 4 kids, and have throughout none of us have had it, and we see other kids on the bus as well so I think you are being ott.

Popsie17 · 16/07/2020 09:57

If it was essential they went on the bus I would YABU to get home but if they are doing it for the fun of it I was say YANBU. I wouldn’t get on one unless it was necessary.

Original poster
Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 09:57

@Waxonwaxoff0

YABU from a safety perspective. We don't own a car so I've taken DS on the bus on several occasions. He doesn't wear a mask. They're very quiet. We haven't caught Covid.

Saying that, if you have a car and have no real need to get the bus other than DD will enjoy it then that's a bit unnecessary really. People who don't have cars and rely on public transport have no choice.

Yes and that is the point I was trying to make- the journey is literally for entertainment. We haven't needed to take any public transport during lockdown because we are lucky we can get everywhere we need to by car. If you don't own a car then of course you are using public transport functionally rather than for funsies. I am pleased to hear you haven't developed Covid symptoms- but remember it is still possible to have it but be asymptomatic, especially in young children.
OP posts:
OhComeOnJohn · 16/07/2020 09:58

I wouldn't have any issue with it.

Original poster
Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 09:59

@Mnhealth202020

I haven't felt it safe or fair to add more people onto a bus or train who don't actually need to be on there and are just going on a joy ride.

I agree with you, you did the right thing. We’re not back to normal yet, I don’t think people should take buses for the sole reason of entertaining their 2 year old who likes buses. I know trains in my area are still on “essential travel only”, leisure travel still isn’t permitted, I don’t think this journey is essential.

Also not to be nasty but buses tend to host gross, unhygienic members of the public. I would massively regret taking public transport in this circumstance if I ended up being on a relatively busy service with people not wearing masks and coughing/sneezing. It’s a confined space.

Can’t he just take her on a scenic drive instead? It’s not the same, I know, but he can think of creative ways to entertain her.

Yes absolutely- they are germ pits as it is!

I agree that right now public transport should be for people who have no other means of transport and therefore have to rely on it to go about their daily lives.
DH's bus trip was not essential.

OP posts:
Fandanglethat · 16/07/2020 09:59

YANBU. It's an unnecessary journey, you DH and DD will be unnecessary bodies on the bus, taking up social distancing space for other people.

It isn't specifically about the risk to your DD and DH but also the increase in risk it causes to other people.

Original poster
Bluepolkadots42 · 16/07/2020 10:01

I think perhaps I didn't make it clear in my OP. This bus trip is non-essential in the sense a) we have a car, b) it is just to entertain my DD for 20 mins because she loves buses.

Normally I am all for a lovely bus ride just for entertaining her, but at a time when the government is making masks in shops etc. compulsory I don't think now is the time or the place for random bus trip.

OP posts:
Mnhealth202020 · 16/07/2020 10:01

Oh, and by relatively busy I meant by current standards (not pre-COVID.) Because of social distancing space on public transport is limited, eg aisle seats are supposed to be kept free so that others can walk past at a safer distance, some train operators have even marked seats off. So it’s “busy” with a lower number of passengers now.