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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have a little cry?

30 replies

Bridecilla · 15/07/2020 23:49

We're supposed to be getting married on Friday - obviously that's not happening and we've postponed until next Summer

I've been really positive and sensible up until tonight but I'm really fed up and upset so I told DP that I feel sad. He gave me a cuddle and I had a little cry... until Dp asked why I'm upset and now I'm cross and sulking.

He says I should have been more clear and said "I'm sad because our wedding that's supposed to be in 2 days time has been cancelled" I think it shouldn't take a fucking psychic and that me prodding him to say that I'm upset and the timing should be enough

To be clear, I love the bloke. We've been together years and I so wish we were getting married in 2 days. I just want a little vent and a cry

OP posts:

lukasiak · 15/07/2020 23:54

You're not being unreasonable to have a little cry, but yabu to be upset with your partner. He isn't a mind reader.

Persephonecall · 15/07/2020 23:57

Honestly, I would have a quick registry marriage ASAP, and put off the celebration till your new date. Being married is what matters and you can still do that. By this time next year, a party will be a joyous event in celebration of everything you have endured.

Persephonecall · 15/07/2020 23:58

But just to be clear you are definitely NBU. 💐

BogRollBOGOF · 16/07/2020 00:00

I'd have a cry too.
And DH would probably be a plank too

bellctrying · 16/07/2020 00:02

I think a little cry is the least you deserve right now. And although he's not psychic, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to work out why you're upset. Although if he's anything like my DP he does sometimes need it spelled out!

Original poster

Bridecilla · 16/07/2020 00:04

I just wish he'd put 2 and 2 together and not had to ask.

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 16/07/2020 00:10

Yabu to be in a sulk with him. It’s not like he told you you were silly for crying. It’s not the day itself and there is so much else going on in the world that could be affecting you in that way, why was he wrong to check?

youhave4substitutes · 16/07/2020 00:17

You're cross and sulking? How was he to know why?

You can get married now, just book it in

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 16/07/2020 00:18

It is sad you cant get married this week.

Throughout lockdown my mum has had sepsis , covid and now an ovarian tumour.
My life resembles nothing like it did 4.5 months ago.

So i cant get worked up about your post.

I do feel for you , but in the grand scheme of things...

user1473878824 · 16/07/2020 00:40

If it helps OP, I was meant to be getting married last weekend and now we can’t really work out what we can afford to rebook for next year, and it’ll probably actually be 2022 with everyone else already booked and rebooking, or work out what we actually want to do now that the big white wedding is done. So you’re already in a better position than me! I’d do think YABU though, if it was the day, fair enough. But you want him to guess what has upset you on a random day that could be literally anything.

Happymum12345 · 16/07/2020 01:01

I understand you’re upset but expecting your partner to know why is a bit daft. My dh wouldn’t have a clue - it does seem like a man thing. Just think, you can keep planning your wedding. I love wedding planning!

Original poster

Bridecilla · 16/07/2020 02:16

@bellctrying

I didn't think it was unreasonable for him to make the link either!

I hear the rest of you - I know that our wedding doesn't trump illness at all. I'm sorry that your mum is ill xx

It does feel a big deal though and this is the only time I've been visibly upset since realising we couldn't go ahead.

For clarity - I was reading him an email about something unrelated when one from the guy who made our wedding rings popped up. Obviously automated that he forgot to cancel - wishing us luck for Friday. I said something like "urgh, reminders are everywhere" and read it to him. Pulled a sad face..

He played his game for a bit then came to sit down and I told him I was sad. The very last conversation we had was about the ring email so that's why I assumed he'd link my sadness with the reminders blah blah

I was so looking forward to Friday - we'd booked a lovely relaxed day with no frills and fuss. It was going to be lovely and ds was so excited that he was going to wear a suit and that I'd be changing my name.

OP posts:

HermioneMakepeace · 16/07/2020 02:36

I just wish he'd put 2 and 2 together and not had to ask.

Most men don't really think like that. My DH wouldn't have a clue either. And it's not because he's a bad person, on the contrary he's lovely.

Original poster

Bridecilla · 16/07/2020 02:39

@HermioneMakepeace my dp is lovely - not always very sensitive but hey ho

He's also not stupid though. Is it really such a shock that I'd be a bit emotional (and I mean sad face and a couple of tears) 2 days before what should be our wedding? We should have been heading to the hotel in the morning.

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 16/07/2020 02:51

Communication is key to relationships, you know that, right? I totally sympathise with your disappointment, but although it seems obvious to you, expecting the other person to "just know" how you're feeling really isn't the best way forward. Perhaps this should be obvious to him, and he's being a bit dense, but in general, its definitely better to actually talk to him when you're sad.

StoppinBy · 16/07/2020 03:19

Rather than just give you a fob off he took the time to actually ask you why you were upset and you bit his head off?

For being upset YANBU, for being upset with him YABU, although I understand it must be a pretty emotional time for you.

Original poster

Bridecilla · 16/07/2020 10:15

Maybe it's all in the the detail and my detail was crap.
Me: (poking him in the leg) I feel sad
Him: ah, do you want a cuddle?
Me: yes please, sob
Him: reaches back for his phone
Me: do you know why I'm sad?
Him: no, why?
Me: erm... we should be packing to fo to the hotel to get married. Sob

Woke up to my period so it would have been a shit day to get married tomorrow anyway ;)

Booked lunch out for 2m and feel a bit better. I'm still fucking sad a d grumpy though.

OP posts:

Alloftheboys · 16/07/2020 10:32

Poor bloke, he gave you sympathy and a cuddle and then you fell out with him as he couldn’t read your mind.
How was he to know something else hadn’t happened to upset you.
What were you wanting him to do?

IndiaMay · 16/07/2020 10:49

Yep, you're allowed to cry, it's awful. We're looking at postponing for the second time now and we both have a cry most nights. I know its ridiculous but we've been together 13 years and we both feel empty and dead inside. I feel worse now then the lead up to our first wedding date because we had this hope that in 6 months we would be married (thanks f**king Nationwide advert). It just feels like all hope is lost and nothing good will happen again. I get up, I work, I go to bed. No wedding, no honeymoon, no holidays, no babies. And to be honest I cant see weddings being allowed to go ahead until a vaccine is found which could be years and years away.

Original poster

Bridecilla · 16/07/2020 10:56

@indiaMay twice? That's so sad. My dp doesn't really do emotional sharing and he's much more 'it is what it is' so I feel like I'm just sad on my own.

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SomewhereInbetween1 · 16/07/2020 11:14

I don't think weddings as they have been for the last 20 or so years are going to be making a come back soon. People will need to scale down and maybe look with more scrutiny about the groups they can invite. Smaller weddings will make a comeback which actually I think is a wonderful result of all this. You can celebrate with just the people you love most, who won't care about how much you spent on wedding favours or how many drinks you've got per person and part of your catering package. The more important parts of your wedding day such as your vows and your union will become the sole focus and I think that's beautiful.

Original poster

Bridecilla · 16/07/2020 11:22

That is nice but for those of us who've already planned it is tough. My family is quite sparse now and the only time everyone gets together is weddings and funerals so I was excited to see everyone, have fun together and have a family dance off.

If I were just planning now then I'd have a different view but we planned before all of this and I don't think I'm outrageous to be a bit upset.

I'll be fine after tomorrow and of course it's a small thing in the scheme of things but right now I'm wallowing.

OP posts:

IndiaMay · 16/07/2020 11:46

@bridecilla yep. We postponed our late April wedding to early November but cant see it going ahead. It's not like we wanted anything special either. We were having a church service and then a party in a barn on a friends land. Had hired some caterers and bought a lot of fairy lights and that was that.

Like PP said, I dont think we will ever be able to have a big wedding again and we've spent half our budget on deposits and things already because we had to cancel 6 weeks before our last date so just dont know what to do now. The monies gone so for a little while we might have to see if it's possible to have our original planned wedding but it doesnt seem possible. Weve already had our hen and stag dos as we had to cancel so close to the original date. Its just rubbish.

SarahBellam · 16/07/2020 12:24

I’d just get married. Have a small picnic or barbecue in a garden or park and then have a party when it’s safe to do so. This could drag on for a few years so don’t put off doing what you want to do even if it’s not quite the way you originally imagined it.

Original poster

Bridecilla · 16/07/2020 12:34

@SarahBellam it's booked and paid for hence the postponement. When I'm feeling practical we might do that but today is the day before what should have been our wedding day so today I'm sad.

I'm not weeping on the floor, I'm just sad.

OP posts:

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