To be pissed off at my ex?

[Annabanana1234]

To prevent a drip feed I have some background:

I was in an financially, emotionally and sexually abusive relationship with my ex husband. I left when my dd was 4 months old. Met a new partner when she was 1 and we now have a dd together who’s 2. He treats dd1 as his own.

Exh has history of being physically abusive to partners and doesn’t get to see dd from relationship before ours due to harm he caused. He got away with a breach of the peace.

I stopped Dd going round for almost 18 months because she came home when she was 5 saying he’d his his gf in front of her. Reported to police but gf denied anything happened.

Exh took me to court for access and the sheriff (Scotland) ripped me a new one. I’m irresponsible and basically a horrible person for stopping him having a relationship with her dad. Access resumed and I’ve put measures in place to minimise the contact I have to have with him.

He decided against having dd during lockdown and visits restarted 4 weeks ago. She went away from last Wednesday to today to his as per the court agreement.

Today she’s come back to tell me that he called her through to the loo and shown her his poo when he’s wiped his arse. I’m absolutely fuming. Add that to the fact that she was telling me about how much she dislikes playing with the neighbours kid who is 3 years older but he sends her round because he needs a rest. The kids were playing football and my dd kicked the ball off the other kid’s tummy so the other kid kicked her in the shin then claimed it was an accident. I’d not take dd’s word as gospel as a rule but I know this kid is known for bullying at school. My exh gas lighted my dd telling her she’s naughty for making up stories.

Anyway, Aibu to be absolutely sick of the waste of oxygen that is my exh? I’ve reported things multiple times to sw who are as much use as a chocolate fire guard and have done absolutely nothing. Police have been informed regarding the assault as well as another occasion where he was stood outside my work when I finished and told me I was a good for nothing slut. I don’t know what else I can do as I’ve clearly been typecast as a neurotic mum.

"Today she’s come back to tell me that he called her through to the loo and shown her his poo when he’s wiped his arse."
I'd never let him near any child again. What is he thinking? Is he thinking?

@Paul72 trust me if I could keep him away then I would 100%. The problem is that they are unwilling to actually speak to dd to hear what she’s got to say. It’s so frustrating to hold my tongue because if I stop access I’ll be in contempt of court. It’s a joke.

Why have a child with a man that is not allowed to see his older child. You knew what he was like. No sympathy from me. The first childs mum gets sympathy she may not have known better. You were just dumb.

This latest incident of him showing her his arse/poo whatever I think you should report as safeguarding to social services. It's creepy, weird and violating appropriate boundaries.

@ToBBQorNotToBBQ Oh do fuck off. How does that help the OP or the OP’s daughter who has just been made to look at her appalling father’s shit?!

@ToBBQorNotToBBQ do you think if I’d known about it I’d actually have been that stupid? He had every aspect of my life controlled and I lived in fear of what he’d do next. You clearly have no idea how that feels. Regardless of if I was a heartless bitch and completely deserving of it all (which I’m not and I wasn’t), how does that help my daughter?

@ToBBQorNotToBBQ Oh do fuck off.

^^This.

@Annabanana1234 see a solicitor immediately. No one can make you send a child to a non resident parent if there are safeguarding risks. The toilet incident is alarming and can be a sign of trying to desensitise your dc.

I'm not sure on the law in Scotland. In England no social worker or court would see this as appropriate.

@tobbqornottobbq how delightful and helpful of you. I hope you're never in a position where someone finds it pleasurable to kick you whilst you are down!