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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To deregister?

33 replies

NameChangeAgain222 · 15/07/2020 17:41

Sorry if this has been done, I can't find another thread.

I'm thinking of deregistering my kids and continuing to homeschool in September. They will be in year group bubbles with 90 kids per bubbles and no PPE. My younger two are too young to properly wash their hands etc, and younger DS has always had a bad chest. I know the rates are low now but surely by October it's going to be like March again?

On top of this, my elder DS has ASD and they won't allow any kind of phased return to settle him in after 6 months off. He's never met the teacher or assistant he will have next year and apparently won't be allowed to use the toilet outside of set times (he has accidents when he's stressed). I feel like they don't want him there, yet they'll fine me if I keep him off.

My DH agrees with me but my family have said I'm 'being ridiculous' and that the kids need to socialise. This is despite my uncle ending up in the ICU with coronavirus after catching it from his granddaughter who caught it at school.

Thank you if you've read this far! I'm just hoping for some more points of view.

YABU - get them back in school
YANBU - deregister

OP posts:

GracieLane · 15/07/2020 17:51

I think a lot of people will be in the same boat and chose to deregister, but ultimately there are the same advantages and disadvantages, it's whether covid is enough to unbalance that for you and decide that their are more disadvantages now. Nobody else can make that choice for you because everybody's families and kids are different, but I doubt you will be alone if you do chose to home school going forward

ilovesooty · 15/07/2020 17:58

You and your husband need to do what feels right for the well being of your children. It's no one else's business. Good luck whatever you decide.

Winter2020 · 15/07/2020 18:00

Why don't you wait and see what the situation is with Covid nearer the time?

DDiva · 15/07/2020 18:01

I hope we wont be back in the same situation as March in September but realistically no-one knows.

Personally I think homeschooling 3 children one with special needs sounds very difficult.

Perhaps consider keeping your eldest at home as he appears he will struggle most and still send your younger 2 into school......

MsEllany · 15/07/2020 18:04

Not really up to anyone else is it? If you think it’s best, husband agrees, and you think you can do it, then do it.

I wouldn’t. I’d be a shit teacher.

FrugiFan · 15/07/2020 18:08

If you and your husband are in agreement and it's what you want to do, then it's nobody else's business. It isn't what I worked personally choose but as long as you dont outwardly judge others who make a different choice then go right ahead.

Bluepolkadots42 · 15/07/2020 18:11

For your son with ASD it is actually unlawful for the school not to make 'reasonable adjustments' to accommodate his needs if he has an official diagnosis (doesn't need to have an EHCP just a diagnosis). I work in a school and I don't think a reduced timetable over 2 weeks to get him back into swing of things gently is an unreasonable ask at all.... I would push that further and remind them of their duty to make 'reasonable adjustments' and if they fail to they are in breach of the disability discrimination act.

Hercwasonaroll · 15/07/2020 18:12

His family are right that they do need to socialise. This doesn't have to be school but they will need LOTS of social activities. Attending lots of different home school groups may actually end up exposing you to more people than a school.

It would be a very rash decision to de register before trialling home school for a fair few weeks. Why not start now and see how you feel in September?

Does your DS with ASD have an EHCP?

zingally · 15/07/2020 18:13

At the end of the day, you do what is right for your family, and everyone else can shove their opinion.

Sirzy · 15/07/2020 18:13

The key is do you have a proper plan for homeschooling?

It would be wrong just to knee jerk and say “we are de registering”

It wouldn’t be wrong to say “we have fully researched it and know what the local home Ed community is like and have a plan we think will work for the best of the children”

RB68 · 15/07/2020 18:17

If a child is old enough to be in school they can be taught to wash hands properly stop being ridiculous

FelicityPike · 15/07/2020 18:18

Hopefully with masks & all the other measures we might be lucky to stave off a major second wave.
We’ve had no COVID related deaths in 7 days, so long may that continue.

FourTeaFallOut · 15/07/2020 18:20

You wouldn't be unreasonable to deregister but, tbh, I'd drag my heals about it until it becomes plain about what can and cannot be done to accommodate your ds. I'm sure they can think of more creative solutions to settling him in if you hold your nerve and are prepared to be difficult and then, if they cannot help, then you have the option of homeschool.

FourTeaFallOut · 15/07/2020 18:21

Heels

Zeusthemoose · 15/07/2020 18:24

Only you can make the decision. My children will be going back but that's our choice.

lifesalongsong · 15/07/2020 18:24

@zingally

At the end of the day, you do what is right for your family, and everyone else can shove their opinion.

This, no one on here can advise you, you know your family best.

Personally I would never do it but they are your children and your responsibilty to educate them. You need to own the decision.

Needtobepositive · 15/07/2020 18:41

@RB68. I’ve tried so much to get my youngest to wash her hands after Using the toilet. If I don’t physically stand there watching her she just won’t do it. Sometimes she doesn’t even flush the chain. She’s been told over and over. She’s been warned about germs, Covid, making herself and family ill. She just doesn’t listen. She’s 8 too so it’s not even like she is too young to understand.

Hercwasonaroll · 15/07/2020 18:42

@Needtobepositive She may be different in school if everyone is handwashing. I'd expect her teacher to make them all hand gel before entering the classroom after a toilet trip too.

RippleEffects · 15/07/2020 18:42

For your DS with ASD, until you've fought for adjustments for him I think YABU.

Have you contacted the SENCO, head of year, county inclusions, CAHMS, form teacher etc etc

My concern with removal of additional needs pupils from school, is that it rarely appears to be something that unravels. It appears to be a one way street. It has whole of life implications if you lose the little bit of county and transitional support you could find yourselves truely on your own. Which only you know if that is really the right decision.

I have a 16 year old Autistic son. I've changed schools, moved county, moved country, moved schools some more. Finally found something that worked. It is a constant fight but at 16 DS now has opportunities he would never have had if I'd gone with my very strong urge to keep him home safe with me (albeit I didn't have the added significant complication of Covid). I've seen (many) others take time out to breathe and homeschool. I've seen many children happier as a result but I've also not seen them ever properly reintegrate again. Maybe they never would have.

simonisnotme · 15/07/2020 19:03

your choice OP
if you feel that it will be best for your kids and you can handle the schooling , go for it
but maybe give the school a chance to give you their plan of action, things may be 'more normal' come september

dododotheconga · 15/07/2020 19:09

Honestly OP, if I could afford to not need to go to work I'd do it today. I have absolutely no faith in my youngest dds school to do any kind of attempt at social distancing (they must be the only school in the country to be having a sports day tomorrow, if you need evidence of this) and I am worried sick. My child, in year 1, did not return when she could have done because I was worried about the school making a mess of it but in September we will have no viable alternative. I'm worried.

SunshineCake · 15/07/2020 19:20

It isn't anything to do with your family. It is you and your husband's decision only.

Original poster

NameChangeAgain222 · 15/07/2020 19:26

I'm not concerned about the academic side of homeschooling. School have barely been in touch so I bought study/exercise books and have been working through the curriculum with them since April. They've all been doing well. My main concern is how another 6 months without interacting with other kids (except by facetime) could affect them? Their normal clubs are closed and Facebook homeschool groups are understandably closed to new joiners for my area (not that I would expect anyone to want to meet up but it would be nice to be able to communicate with other people in the same situation).

We don't have an official diagnosis for DS1 yet. He was first referred in nursery as he was still non-verbal. He was talking by the time we'd gotten through the whole stressful process and they decided to take a wait and see approach. The school referred him again this year but then covid happened. He's under the SENCO and normally has ear defenders, a calm down tent etc and they've stopped him doing PE or music lessons because they say they upset him (I think it's sensory overload). But he has no EHCP so I'm not sure I can ask them to do anything? In truth after the initial adjustment period he's doing really well at home. He seems so much happier when he's alone (which breaks my heart). I'm also not sure he was being challenged enough academically. He's in year 2 but happily working through year 5 maths now.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 15/07/2020 19:29

Do you get what proper homeschooling is - how it works, what is means - how you are planning to give your child(ren) the full time education that is legally required whilst been at home.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/791528/EHE_guidance_for_parentsafterconsultationv2.2.pdf

Are you going to continue this after COVID is over or continue home schooling

Home schooling is brilliant for the right parents and the right children. I have friends whose children have thrived because it is the right environment for them. But the work involved in making it so is a lot and it is tough and most importantly does involve socialisation.

Do it because you think your children will thrive and because you have the skills and the desire to do it

Dont do it just because of a fear of Coronavirus

Original poster

NameChangeAgain222 · 15/07/2020 19:38

@RippleEffects Thank you for your post, you've articulated exactly what I'm afraid of! I've never seen him more happy and relaxed (he was a ball of anxiety in school) so it feels right to keep it that way and yet I'm scared he will never learn how to deal with life if he isn't forced to face it? I also don't particularly want him to get an official diagnosis because I'm worried he will define himself by it but I feel the school are forcing it on us.

OP posts:

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