To stop my kids playing out

[Gordonbennit]

Bit of back story...
Lots of kids play out in the streets where I live. I have let some of them (friends from school) play in our back garden before, as I have 3 kids, they all play nice then it gets a bit rough and someone starts crying then they go home. All play again nice next time etc etc.
Since lockdown ended some other children have been hanging around riding down the middle of the road on their scooters, not moving for cars and then when the cars beep at them they’ve been swearing at the driver.

AIBU to stop my kids playing out altogether due to other kids hanging nearby who I don’t want mine playing with?

The groups of kids inevitably mix as kids do so I feel I can’t stop my kids ending up with them...I feel bad for keeping mine in and have today resorted to telling the other kids to go play somewhere else (they don’t actually live on our street) which I’m scared leaves me a target for their potentially angry parents or worse become know as “the women who will shout at us if we wind her up” meaning they will hang around here even more!!

Anyone any experiences to share on these situations please? it’s really stressing me out and causing arguments as to why mine can’t play out. I didn’t grow up on an estate so don’t really know the “rules”
All these children are primary age by the way!!

My husband thinks I’m wrong and have no choice to let them all mix as it will happen anyway at some stage so I should just accept it now ours have got to playing out age.

God I feel a failure of an adult just writing all this!!

Tbh I think the idea of an estate is for children to be able to play out so I think it's not really fair for them not to be able to.

What are your specific concerns about your kids mixing with these others, and how old are yours? It might help to think of it more as a learning experience for them - how to deal with various situations, improve social skills etc?

Thanks for your reply

My kids are 7,8 & 10 (boys). Maybe I’m just scared my 8yr old is really easily swayed by kids, wants to be the clown & will do anything anyone asks if he thinks it will impress. So I always watch & listen when he is out. My eldest is fine and will move away from people doing things he thinks are wrong. Depending on which brother is been the most fun that day depends on who the youngest follows round.

I’m outnumbered as if one wants to play out then they all want to.

Perhaps this is just how it is with kids growing up and I should stop sweating it?

I don’t want them thinking kids riding down the middle of the road & swearing at adults is a fun or “cool” thing to do when playing out.

I don't let my nearly 9 year old play in the street, let alone a 7 year old.

In theory I would agree with the age of them but lots of kids play out here, some are far too young to be out of parental sight IMO mine play outside the house on a grassed area and I’m always watching them (which is why I see & hear Everything) plus like I say if the eldest wants to play out then the younger ones do. I always feel like iv to either stop the older one going out or feeling bad that my 7&8yr old cannot play out when their brother & younger children are out.

I can see why you’re worried but I don’t think it’s right you told the other children to go and play somewhere else that’s not really your place to do so because you see them as “undesirable”.

I think you need to trust your children not to get involved in silly behaviour, it’s sounds as if you supervisor them out there though so they probably wouldn’t swear when they know you’re watching. They will end up swearing with their mates though, all kids do eventually.

Which country are you in where lockdown has ended? Lockdown and not mixing households and social distancing is quite useful if you want to avoid spending time with other people/children

We are in England, the usual 4 kids mine play with (who I let in our garden) are in the same key worker classes as mine so they mix at school already. The others who turned up after school today are from a diff school, I probably should have used social distancing as a reason for them not to be near each other but I was so stressed about them riding in the road and swearing at people I didn’t think to be honest.

I don’t want them thinking kids riding down the middle of the road & swearing at adults is a fun or “cool” thing to do when playing out.

I wouldn't want them doing that and would have stopped my DCs playing out if that was what they were doing. It sounds like you need to sit out the front and supervise them if they are going to play out as they are not behaving in an acceptable way.

Use the bad behaviour as an example to them ie when they don't move for the car

"I would be so angry/embarrassed/upset if you 3 ever refused to move for a car it is disrespectful but more importantly dangerous. If you ever join in any of their naughty behaviour you will be grounded. Luckily you know how to behave, hopefully these children learn soon"

But I would still let them play out. They will meet badly behaved friends and they have to learn to follow their own instincts, useful for them to learn this when you are nearby.

you dont have to let the youngest play out just cos the oldest does.... did you let him play out at 7? - this is why youngest kids get into trouble more in my experience as they tag along with stuff they are not mature enough to deal with .......that is very young mentally still
and having grown up on estates i would not let a child with a tendency to clown hang around other kids that swear at drivers either... your instincts are telling you this is wrong for good reason...

you are the parent you decide what your children do at their ages.....you need to agree with your dh ..some ground rules etc as the kids will notice any split...

I would use Sallys approach as well as social distancing to set ground rules.....and maybe the 10 yr old gets to go out a bit then the other one and the youngest 'less' or when you can sit and watch and call them in...

I would never have let my eldest play out at 7 or if he ever did go out with his scooter up & down the street (which was rare) I would have sat watching him like I do with the others. He’s a bit of a loner at times though was never over bothered about playing out like the younger ones are.

I’m so used to them doing everything together especially more with lockdown but probably need to accept the elder one should have different rules now.

It feels a bit weird to sit outside feeling like I’m policing all the kids playing out, wondering if their parents will kick off at me if I tell them off for swearing or running over the road. Am I a weirdo parent! No other parents are out watching their little ones playing unless they are curtain shuffling so I just don’t see them.

I’m mostly taking pre-lockdown here when lots of kids are out.

Thanks for the replies so nice to have someone to talk it through with.

I wouldn't necessarily tell other kids off - but I would watch mine .. and maybe it would be time to come in for a treat/tv/play in the garden if these other kids turn up....and well dones for good behaviour say if you see yours moving etc
it doesn't really matter what other parents think/say these are your kids... they don't need to learn these 'life' lessons at 7or 9 depending on the 10yr old ... - they will meet enough of a range of people at high school ... go with your instincts! and don't argue with your kids about it ! you've made the decision you are the parent...