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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My son is being bullied

16 replies

Alexisaurous · 15/07/2020 11:55

My 6 year old son is experiencing a bit of minor bullying at school. The boy in question is currently in his bubble, but they will also be back in the same class next year. I found out from my son's twin sister that this boy is saying my son is 'small as a germ', 'the smallest boy in the world' and some other 'small' insults. My son is small for his age as he was premature, so unlikely to catch up with his peers until he reaches puberty. I anticipate he will have to deal with these sorts of insults for a while and would like to arm him for it.
I have been in touch with the school who have been great, have had a quiet word with the boy in question about saying nice things to his friends and have said they will keep a close eye on the situation.

My question out to you guys is that I want to empower my son, so that he knows that being small will not hold him back and if someone says these things to him, how he should respond. I have so far told him that small people can do anything they want in life, I have told him to just try to ignore this boy, shrug his shoulders and walk away if he persists. I don't want to hear about retaliation as I don't believe in that course of action. But if anyone has experienced this and knows of ways I can make sure my son continues to feel good about himself and how he can deal with it?
He's not very sporty, we have tried him with football and tennis, but he hasn't really taken it on. I'm going to see if he's interested in martial arts when things get back to normal.
Thanks in advance for the help and please be kind..

OP posts:

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 15/07/2020 11:56

My brothers were both the smallest in their class until middle of secondary school. They both shot up and are 6ft2 and 6ft3. He may be small now but he may not always be small.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 15/07/2020 11:57

Sorry, I know that doesn't answer the question.

Original poster

Alexisaurous · 15/07/2020 12:00

@WhenISnappedAndFarted but it certainly helps me! His Dad is tall and the males in my family too, so I think he'll shoot up too.

OP posts:

Hyperion100 · 15/07/2020 12:03

Get him down to your local Brazilian Jiujitsu school.

1 - Its crazy fun for kids - rolling around on mats play fighting.

2 - Will give him a lot of self confidence. Size means very little in BJJ
3 - Nothing quite like winning a fight without throwing a single punch
4 - He'll make a ton of new pals
5 - Kids wont mess with him after that
6 - He'll get strong as an ox

My brother (who has been doing various martial arts for over 30 years) has his 7 and 5 year old girls doing BJJ classes and they absolutely love it.

dontdisturbmenow · 15/07/2020 12:04

I would tell him to always remember that the nasty words of a person is not in any way the reflection of what everyone else and that most people who say things to belittle others are often those who are sadly belittled themselves and hurt so feel it is ok to do so, or are very unhappy inside so want others to feel unhappy too.

mbosnz · 15/07/2020 12:06

Being a shortarse myself, I found a contemptuous look, and something like 'get some new material', or 'haven't heard that one before', or 'wow, you're crazy funny, aren't you bud', tended to mean it got boring for them real soon.

missyB1 · 15/07/2020 12:13

Bless him my ds has to put up with this a lot at school too. Ds was born 10 weeks prem weighing 1lb 10oz his growth never really caught up. He just learnt to ignore and walk away. We did put him into karate lessons just to build his confidence.
His height never stopped him from making friends though and at 30 years old he is still good friends with his gang from school.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/07/2020 12:18

I’d be inclined to go down the root of “he’s a silly boy isn’t he, how can being small be a problem. We are all different and grow at different times. He sound like he doesn’t understand this.”

I wouldn’t want to say to my son “what he’s said is nasty” as it reenforces the small is bad idea.

Spied · 15/07/2020 12:22

I'd try to educate him and get him to understand that bullies often have very unhappy lives which is why they try to choose something about someone else to pick on to make themselves feel a little better.
I'd stress that it could be anything a bully chooses, hair colour, size, what trainers someone wears- so that he doesn't fixate on just his size being an attribute to bullying.

I'd also mention that people copy off the bully usually because they are frightened they will be bullied if they don't.

Original poster

Alexisaurous · 15/07/2020 12:27

Thank you all. This is all really good advice and giving me lots of food for thought. The boy in question is the youngest of 3 boys, so I have told my son that I suspect he probably gets called the smallest at home and he's just looking around for someone smaller than him to pass it onto.
I will certainly get him on the martial arts front when we are allowed as I think that will help with his confidence.

OP posts:

MsEllany · 15/07/2020 12:32

My twins were prem and by about 9 they’d caught up with their peers. They were very little before then.

My third son is the tiniest in his class by quite a large margin (he’s 8) - he knows this and isn’t embarrassed or upset by it. Do you know why it’s upsetting your son? Is it the ‘germ’ comment? In an of itself those sound like comments rather than insults.

I mention that because this sort of teasing I would always recommend a sort of pride in yourself approach - yes I’m little, what’s your point? You’re bigger than me, I’m faster than you etc. Everyone is different.

Of course if it’s actually upsetting him rather than he’s just reporting back it would probably be worth asking the teacher to have a class talk on when to make comments about a person.

MsEllany · 15/07/2020 12:38

Actually your last post reminds me of something - when DS3 was in reception, he was targeted by a bigger boy. He was a lot taller than mine and very boisterous - he has two teenage brothers and clearly was imitating their rough and tumble. It was too much for my son though, he was frightened by it. Quick chat with the teacher, she had words and kept an eye out and it was sorted. The other boy really didn’t know he was being too rough. This little boy might be the same.

Original poster

Alexisaurous · 15/07/2020 12:56

@MsEllany yes, this may well be the case. Hopefully now the teacher has had a word it will stop.

OP posts:

Yorkiee · 15/07/2020 12:59

Read him the book Cottonwool Colin. Beautiful message behind the story.

nowayhose · 15/07/2020 13:03

Anything that he likes, encourage. Keep telling him that he is wonderful, clever and that you're proud of him.

If you help him develop confidence, he will no longer be a target for bullies as they target the nervous/ insecure whenever possible.

Give him ideas of suitable responses eg.
Bully - You're SO tiny !
DS - And ?.............................Oh, am I supposed to care what YOU think ?....................

Things will improve in time, just keep a close eye on whether any of your DS's friends start to avoid him as that would mean things are deteriorating and you'd need to take some action.

TooTrueToBeGood · 15/07/2020 13:06

I'd tell him the other boy is just being silly. Ask your son if he would rather have friends that were tall or friends that are nice. That might help him understand in an age-appropriate way how unimportant size is.

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