My sister is coming to visit and I'm freaking out!

[fatandnotfabulous1]

My sister is coming to visit in a few weeks time, I really want to see her but hate the way I look. I’ve tried to lose weight for a long time, and have only managed to lose a few stones in the past year. I was 19 st when I saw her last year, I’m now 17st. I hate going out, I was quite happy about the lockdown as that meant I don’t have to go out. I haven’t eat out in a restaurant in about a year, and if I have coffee, it’s to go I never sit in the cafe. I don’t like it, I feel so conscious about my body. I can’t concentrate on my food. I don’t have any nice clothes to wear, I don’t have my friends, I don’t socialise. It’s horrible! I keep saying to myself I’ll buy nice clothes once I’m slimmer and at my target weight. But I don’t want to think like this anymore, I don’t want to put my life on hold because of my weight. There’s so many things I want to do, but my weight is stopping me. There’s so many women my size or bigger, who’s out there enjoying life, and I wish I could be like that and give zero fucks. Gemma Collins for example, I think she’s my size, but she’s stunning 😔

My sister coming to visit means I now have to go out. It’s a mental thing, I suffer from anxiety. I don’t know how to get out of this 😔

I was EXACTLY like this in my early through mid 20's, so understand exactly how you feel. I missed many events because I hated the way I looked, did not want to risk anybody taking photos of me and showing them to others. So I'm not going to tell you the usual things people will sprout because it's BS when you're in this headspace, but I will tell you the two first steps I took to get out of it.

1. I brought a whiteboard with each day of the week on it and 6/7 days I wrote a personal goal. Something small. Like say on Monday, I wanted to focus on healthy eating. Tuesday, improving my sleep, Wednesday, doing something social ect. That way all the problems were broken up into smaller, easier to deal with chunks. I only worried about that specific problem on that day. Then one day a week I had a rest day and didn’t try and improve on anything at all. Eventually the daily healthy habits started flowing natrually into the other days without me thinking about them.

1. And this is the hard one - I started taking one selfie a day, and really looked at it. Examined what I thought was wrong with my face and why. After months of doing this, I concluded that there was nothing wrong with my face, at least nothing more than anybody elses. Nobody was looking at me, they were to busy worrying about their own face.

Self-love is a marathon, not a race, and everybody starts at different markers. And like all marathons the only way to get to the finish line in one piece is to train everyday.

Oh god, the photos yes! I don't have a single picture of me with my children, or even a selfie. None!! I sometimes think to myself if I died tomorrow my kids wouldn't have a picture as a memory of me 😔 yes I've thought of setting small goals, like sitting in Costa and have a coffee. But it's hard to control all the bad thoughts.

Hi OP have you thought about CBT? It can be useful for negative thought patterns

If I was your dsis (sadly I haven't got any siblings) I would just be so glad to be seeing you right now...
As you should be her..
Family has no strings love!!

I hear you as someone who lose theee stone last year and has put it back on again BUT I have come to the realisation that I might not ever be slim. Am I not going to do anything nice for my whole life? Nope
I have gel toenails, get hair done, like a fake tan, like handbags and shoes. All of these things make me feel better about myself even if clothes make me feel ‘meh’. Do it, we only get one go. By things that fit nicely. Don’t just stick to dark colours either. They don’t make us drop stones do they?
As for the photos, I do struggle with that one more. Recently though, I was looking at someone’s photos on facebook and realised I was just looking at them and their family. Not looking at their weight- we only give ourselves the hard time. No one is looking at our photos thinking ‘omg she’s fat’ they are thinking ‘oh I wonder where fabulous is in that picture’ or ‘I must remember to get some toothpaste’
Do it. Go spruce yourself up for you, not your sister. Doubt my sister would even notice

@NaturalBlondeYeahRight I know. It's all in our heads. Although I was happy when lockdown was enforced, now I'm actually happy things are starting to open up. Because now I can go do the small things I'm talking about, go to a cafe or sit in a restaurant and eat a meal, see how I feel. How much do you weigh if you don't mind me asking? You don't have to answer, I'm just being nosey I always look at women my size or bigger in awe when they're out and about doing things.

It's hard OP though from your posts, you know it's not your physical size you need to work on.

Does your DSis love you? If so then she'll be looking forward to seeing you. I hope you both have a good time.

YABU about Gemma Collins though.