Is being fat a choice?

[notevenamum1]

This has all been triggered from a post I read on here the other day that was based around how short men must feel how fat women do when it comes to dating. There was a comment made about how it was worse for the men because they had not chosen to be short. Now this blaze comment about how being fat is a choice really sent me down a rabbit hole.

I think this is probably easy to say if you are someone who has never struggled with weight before but if you are someone like me who has struggled and yo-yo’d with their weight their whole life then they would beg to differ. I am both tall and fat, I have in the past been slim(mer) but it was a hell of a battle to get there and was unsustainable to stay there. Even now I am 5ft8, 14stone and convince myself that I am a size 14...I have to be mindful of what I eat every day, and exercise regularly or I would be even larger than I am now.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?

Is being “fat” a choice?

[NoMoreMrNiceGaius]

It's probably a choice for a lot of people, and unchangeable for the minority. However, a lot of factors affect how easily people gain/lose/maintain weight and it is so much easier for some people than others. Most of those people who never have to think of their weight are the ones spouting "just eat less" at every opportunity and it's total nonsense imo. How many of us take perfect care of our bodies? Only feed it healthy things, exercise and sleep as much as we should and avoid stress and other things that harm our bodies? How many of us are completely and utterly addicted to our phones!?

Our entire species is plagued by numerous health problems as a direct result of not taking care of our bodies, and being overweight seems to be the only one people feel entitled to judge and point out all the time. I am one of those "lucky" people who can eat as much crap as she wants and not gain weight. I've been the same weight my whole life, and I also haven't exercised a day out of my life. Every year I get older, I feel more and more broken, Im starting to have trouble even getting out of bed or bending down and I have pain all the time. I'm writing this at almost 2am after having slept 5hrs last night, and 3.5hrs the one before that and pretty much the whole night completely by choice.

People should be telling me as well that I'm killing myself and that I should "just start getting up earlier" but they dont because my appearance doesn't make them uncomfortable (yet). It's never as simple as "just do this/that" is it? Ultimately it's all upto us as individuals to decide how we want to treat our bodies, and it's never too late to start. I'm going to start right now by putting the phone down and trying to sleep. Tomorrow I might fail and stay up all night looking at cat pictures, but all that matters is now, and what -I- want for -my- body in -this- moment.

[Cactuslockdown]

I think it must be a choice for me. At the moment I choose to eat well and exercise. If I don’t do this I put on weight. It’s not an active choice for me to be bigger, but if I choose not to exercise and eat well you could argue I am choosing to gain weight?

[Managees]

In its simplest terms yes it is. You always have a choice. Always. The rub is that you don’t like the choices that you have.

I say to my children you can either go to bed nicely and have a book. Or you can scream and shout, still go to bed and not have a book. They have a choice. They might not LIKE their choices but they have one.

Equally, an overweight person might not like the choices they have. You can either eat your takeaway but have a smaller portion, or you can eat as much as you like and put on weight. It’s still a choice.

Having said that, I always think that being overweight must be so bloody exhausting, I’ve worked and lived with overweight people and the amount of time and energy that goes into planning food, thinking about food, talking about food is just ridiculous. It’s all encompassing, So then I think well who would make a choice to live like that.

So on a basic level yes, but it’s probably far more nuanced than that.

[MummyBearBoo]

It's a difficult one I have PCOS which makes losing weight difficult and i was overweight with me it wasn't so much what I ate it was how much -no matter how many meals you have you need to know what a healthy portion size is and not snack to compensate! I made a few snake change and had correct portion sizes (it was hard at first til m appetite shrank) and I lost 2 stone into the healthy range BMI - I think in some cases it is a choice -you need to make changes you can stick to and not over eat but as humans we hate feeling hungry!!

[mrbob]

@Brieminewine

Of course it is. I love food and wine but I don’t want to be fat so I watch what I eat and exercise/diet to counteract when I’ve eaten too much. Obviously with certain disabilities/medical conditions it can’t be helped but otherwise yes it is a choice.

For YOU that is the case. The only times I have lost weight are when I had a medical problem which made me vomit for 6 months or when I was on a diet with 600 calories a day.
I have been on an entirely plant based diet at 1200 calories and exercised 8 times a week and STILL not lost weight. I have friends who just give up eating chocolate a couple of times a week and drop a stone. I have envy but that is just how it is!

It is NOT a simple case of calories in v calories out. Slim people just like to tell themselves that because it makes them feel like they are better people and it is something THEY are doing that is making them that way (because they walk the dog once a day etc)

Yes there are extremes. If you eat a family size pizza in a single sitting or if you eat an apple a day and nothing else then yes that will change things. But the majority of people have a body that tends to a certain way and there is a limit to the effect they can have on it

[CherryVodkax3]

I’d agree in some aspect that yes, it is a choice - in that we choose what we eat and how much and how often. But I think it’s more complex than that and it’s not always a conscious choice.

I’m 25, 5’4 and 16 and a half stone. I absolutely hate it, but I’m at the point where I’m not ready to do anything about it just yet. But my history with weight issues is very long and complex.

My mum has always had disordered eating, dieting every other week and constantly talking about weight so I think growing up I got into that mindset as a kid. From the age of 5, my dad would constantly tell me I was ‘too fat’ to wear things and when we went swimming every weekend it wouldn’t be fun, I had to do 30 lengths to lose weight. I was five. I remember vividly trying on a swimsuit and him looking at me in disgust and telling me I couldn’t wear it as I was far too far for it.

During my teenage years I was around a size 10-12 but I was self-conscious and constantly dieting and comparing myself to other girls. It was especially upsetting when boys would tell me I had ‘tree trunk legs’ and when someone saw me online would say she’s ‘fatter in person’.

When I was 15 I developed bulimia. I had never had a healthy relationship with food and I started making myself sick after every meal and rationing myself to 500 calories a day. Until it got to the evening and I would binge until I felt sick. Then I would throw it all up and self-harm as a punishment and a reminder not to do it again.

A year later vomit got caught in my lungs and caused bacterial pneumonia. My lung collapsed. I was in hospital for three weeks on a ventilator, and during this time I lost so much weight. I was about a size 6 and I loved it, to me nearly dying was worth it to be so skinny.

My disordered eating continued though, and when I got into a new relationship I started only eating what he ate, when he ate. I would track his calories and mine so that I was always eating less than him. I’m not sure why, but it was another form of control. I remember one time we went out to eat and I wanted chilli and he wanted a mixed grill, which I don’t even like. But I ordered it because I didn’t know how many calories the chilli had and I was scared that there was more than there was in his meal.

Over the next year I continued losing weight. I was about a size 4. I actually started eating more and I was still losing it. I was thrilled. However I had developed symptoms like rectal bleeding, abdominal pain and constipation. It turns out the reason I was losing so much weight was because I had ulcerative colitis, and one day my bowel perforated and it had to be removed and I was given a stoma bag.

After the diseased bowel was removed I started gaining weight again, and it got out of control and I gained about two stone. I would frequently do no carb diets to lose it quickly, because I struggle with calorie counting because I get too anxious doing it without obsessing.

My relationship ended up being very unhappy and sexless and I would emotional eat and binge as a way to fill my emptiness. I felt like I had nobody to look good for so it didn’t matter anyway, right?

We split up and I met my partner now. I was about 12 stone and a size 14. He loved my body and made me feel so confident, and for the first time in my life I felt good.

However, I had been put on mental health medication for bipolar disorder and OCD, and my weight kept creeping up as the medication was notorious for weight gain - I was even put on metformin to try and lose it.

Six months later I got pregnant, had a complicated pregnancy and developed gestational diabetes and hypertension. I gained four stone in my pregnancy.

I’m now 14 weeks postpartum and fat. Nobody wants to call me fat because they don’t want to hurt my feelings but I am. And I want to lose it, but I am struggling very badly with maternal OCD and have been put on new medication which is rapidly causing me to gain even more weight. It’s got to the point where I think what’s the point? Because on that I’m going to struggle to lose it.

I’m also scared, because I know that I will never be able to just ‘eat healthier, less and move more’. My brain doesn’t work like that, years of disordered eating has made that almost impossible. I am scared because I know the obsessions will come back and I will have all those feelings of guilt and shame and paranoia and self-hate. I remember back to the days I would cover my mirror with a blanket so I didn’t have to look at myself.

I hate how I am now, and I know I need to do something about it, but I don’t feel the reason I have got to where I am has been a conscious choice, it’s not black and white. It’s not like I sat down one day and said right, you know what, I’m going to be fat. It’s been a long road of horrendous experiences, disordered eating, bad mental health and years of diminished confidence. I hope people realise that those of us who are fat, don’t always just simply eat big takeaways and say ‘who cares?’.

[Pixxie7]

A vast majority of people who are fat can maybe because of their behaviours. However what about genetics and the fact that eating a healthy diet is much more expensive with so many people struggling as it is?

[managedmis]

I think as a society we've been misled with the whole 2000 cals a day thing.

For most women, it's 1500.

[1forAll74]

People who are fat don't choose to be fat, they just choose to eat all the wrong.and unhealthy food,as in far too much junk food and fizzy drinkS, and far too much unnecessary snacking between meals and late night snacks.In a nutshell,always eating.

Most people know the risks of being too much overweight,,but maybe can't resist buying all the seemingly desirable amounts of tempting snacks and junky stuff that's on offer in the supermarkets etc.

[Guineapigbridge]

I watch my two little girls on this. One is tiny, barely interested in food, never finishes her dinner, always choses vegetables over bread. The other is chunky, always hungry, always raiding the pantry, scoffs dinner then asks for dessert. She is quite fat.

Neither of them are choosing the way they eat. They've both been brought up exactly the same, in my house with healthy food. One's going to be skinny for life and the other will likely be...solid.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

Few people choose to be fat. But people do choose the food they eat and most choose how much exercise they do to at least some extent. Those choices are made within the context of a society that doesn’t make it that natural for a lot of people to be a healthy weight.

I’m fat at the moment. At a healthy weight I only need about 1100 calories a day unless I’m do something like running (which I had to stop doing after I had kids). I watch what I eat to some extent but I still eat more like 1800, significantly less than anyone else in my household but more than my body needs to be a healthy weight. I choose what I eat. It’s a choice that is about more than whether I need food - I eat because I like food, because I’m bored, because it’s sociable, because I’m used to it, because it’s on my plate. I don’t choose to be fat, but my choices - which are heavily mediated by the society I live in - are the reason I’m fat.

[Yeahnahmum]

Being a bit more solid or densely built is genetic. We are not all destined to be a size 8. However Being fat is your own choice yes.
Choosing to eat unhealthy and to not work out. And to go on really weird and unhealthy diets is only digging the hole deeper.

Maintaining a healthy weight is a matter of willpower and determination and willing to commit.

[theendoftheworldasweknowit]

Being fat can be a choice. Being short is never a choice, it's just a fact. You can never do anything about your height, but you can often do something about your weight.

I've been fat most of my life (classic yo yo dieter) and there have been times in my life where I've actively not prioritised myself, my happiness or my weight. As an example, I might not have chosen for my food to be laden in calories, but there have been times I've chosen to take a demanding job where I didn't have time to cook my own healthy food. I might not have chosen to eat certain calorie-high meals, but I chose to be with a partner who kept insisting we ate them together. As a more simple black and white example, I've looked at a menu and decided to go for a deliciously decadent three course meal before, rather than a salad and some fruit.

It's complicated - there are often medical conditions at play when it comes to food - but to some extent, there are often choices, both direct and indirect that lead us here.

I can tell you that I am only losing weight now because I have chosen to finally put my health first. It's hard. It's tedious. But I have to choose to do it, or it won't happen.

I don't look at other fat people and judge them for the way they look, but I do judge myself because I know my background and my circumstances, and how much is down to my choices. I don't know how comforting this is, but most of the time, most people are too busy fussing over their own looks to fuss over someone else's.

[SD1978]

It's a choice for me and I think it is for may whether they are willing to accept that or not. I'm lazy, I do t eat well, and have far too much carb. I can't blame anyone else for this, and regardless of how much I hate it, I'm the only one who can change it. I can't change my height.

[amusedtodeath1]

I realised it's a subconscious choice for me. When I was young, I'd get a lot of male attention, which made me extremely uncomfortable due to past events, as a consequence I felt safer carrying weight. I'm still heavy but not so much anymore, so much healthier but still not slim. It took me many years of self analysis to figure this out. My flab is my comfort blanket.

I guess what I'm saying is that there are many reasons someone will eat too much (leaving medical issues to one side) but it's pretty much always a psychological problem.

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

@1forAll74

People who are fat don't choose to be fat, they just choose to eat all the wrong.and unhealthy food,as in far too much junk food and fizzy drinkS, and far too much unnecessary snacking between meals and late night snacks.In a nutshell,always eating.

Most people know the risks of being too much overweight,,but maybe can't resist buying all the seemingly desirable amounts of tempting snacks and junky stuff that's on offer in the supermarkets etc.

I'm afraid that's nonsense. I am fat but I eat a healthy well-balanced diet. Just a few calories a day too many. I haved gained 2.5 stone in 25 years. There's been no bingeing or glugging of fizzy drinks involved here.

[EveryDayIsADuvetDay]

for some, yes, others less so.
the comment above not many people judge anorexic people for "choosing" to be thin is an interesting one - for some overeating is a form of addiction - not a healthy one, but compared to alcoholism, gambling or drug addiction?
Only difference is that with treatment, one can aim to not drink/gamble/take drugs at all. Not the case with food.

[Bibijayne]

I was really slim until I was 30. Unfortunately I had to take some medication for a while that caused substantial weight gain (size 8/10 to size 16 in a year) I assumed it would go when I stopped taking it. It did not. Though I did stop gaining. I now feel 'stuck' at this new higher weight and have been for 6 years. I can shift a little, but it then comes back. I really need to work hard to lose weight now. But if I'm honest, I don't at the moment.

So the initial gain wasn't a choice. And the not losing it isn't an active choice, but there is a choice there. It's really, really hard and I have chosen to prioritise other things over my weight for a bit.

I think what sometimes irks is that, I didn't so much choose to be slim in my youth. I just was, naturally, with virtually no effort. Some people work really hard to be slim, but others do not (age, metabolism, luck). Which is what sometimes wrankles when people criticise fat people.

[Mydogisthebestest]

I was thin.

I’m now disabled and I’m fat.

that’s a choice I made to have a life changing accident. 🙄

I’m so upset to think that people will look at me and instead of being sympathetic to my difficulties will be judging me because I’ve put on weight (I can’t walk 10,000 steps a day. I’d be lucky to do 100 steps never mind thousands.)

I don’t eat unhealthy good, I eat salads and I don’t drink alcohol but I take medication a side effect of which is weight gain and I can’t physically move.

I can’t believe people here are saying that’s my choice.

[famousforwrongreason]

It really isn't a choice for me. I have disabilities. I used to be slim and fit and now I can't do any fat burning exercise without causing myself a LOT of pain.
I eat like a rabbit seriously and can't even lose one pound. Its very depressing if I let myself go down that train of thought

[famousforwrongreason]

@Mydogisthebestest

I was thin.

I’m now disabled and I’m fat.

that’s a choice I made to have a life changing accident. 🙄

I’m so upset to think that people will look at me and instead of being sympathetic to my difficulties will be judging me because I’ve put on weight (I can’t walk 10,000 steps a day. I’d be lucky to do 100 steps never mind thousands.)

I don’t eat unhealthy good, I eat salads and I don’t drink alcohol but I take medication a side effect of which is weight gain and I can’t physically move.

I can’t believe people here are saying that’s my choice.

Same here. The medication is a huge reason for massively fast weight gain. To the point where I refuse meds that can help me as I know each new drug will add at least a stone in a month.
It's horrible how people are so judgmental.

[Mydogisthebestest]

OP, I think the answer is “Yes, people have made the choices which have led to them being fat,

Choice to have a life changing accident? Wow.

[Mydogisthebestest]

Bold. Fail.

[FUBARFlossie]

It is a choice (and I say that as a fat person myself), BUT - it's a choice that is often driven by so many other complex issues (such as mental health) that it's not a black and white thing. It's multiple shades of grey. It's a form of addiction imo, but not one that that receives much sympathy or help, and is mostly just perceived as a deep moral failing.