Is being fat a choice?

[notevenamum1]

This has all been triggered from a post I read on here the other day that was based around how short men must feel how fat women do when it comes to dating. There was a comment made about how it was worse for the men because they had not chosen to be short. Now this blaze comment about how being fat is a choice really sent me down a rabbit hole.

I think this is probably easy to say if you are someone who has never struggled with weight before but if you are someone like me who has struggled and yo-yo’d with their weight their whole life then they would beg to differ. I am both tall and fat, I have in the past been slim(mer) but it was a hell of a battle to get there and was unsustainable to stay there. Even now I am 5ft8, 14stone and convince myself that I am a size 14...I have to be mindful of what I eat every day, and exercise regularly or I would be even larger than I am now.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?

Is being “fat” a choice?

[rwalker]

for the majority yes always odd exceptions. I was at school in late 70's and can honestly say there was 1 fat teacher and a handful of fat kids .
Our lifestyle and diet has changed.
Once again there will always be exceptions but think there are very few people genuinely fat .
The majority take more calories in than they burn off.

[Hangingover]

But I was also a smoker and I have to say that giving up smoking is (for me) just as difficult as dieting

I feel like some people are more slaves to their own dopamine reaction than others. I'm not fat but I'm an alcoholic, have abused prescription drugs, smoked and hair-pull compulsively, also used to self harm habitually; it does seem that some people get obsessive over sugar/booze/drugs/endorphins than others. Much as some people can have one cake or a couple of lines at a party once in a blue moon or one glass of wine and not feel particularly fussed about having more, some people like me obsessively crave "moremoremoremore" to the point where they can't think about anything else. It's easy to pat yourself on the back for your self control when you don't suffer in this way. The problem with food is abstinence isn't an option which must make it even harder!

That being said, it's your choice how you deal with it - which isn't necessarily fair but that's the way it is. Stopping all my addictive activities has been hell but I've just had to get on with it for my health.

[Seriouslyconfused3]

I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with food since my teen years. Crazy diet after crazy diet. I have anxiety and am on anti depressants. I have pcos and have had three dc, gaining weight each time. I’ve been under an endocrinologist for a couple of years now- he said my metabolism is basically fucked and that the only option for me is bariatric surgery which I am now scheduled for.

If I could go back in time there is no way I’d let my 13 year old self start the spiral of diets- I looked totally normal.

So yes maybe it was a choice to have an unhealthy relationship with food as a teenager, but I wasn’t as educated as I am now about the issue. If anyone thinks I choose to be fat now they’re frankly a judgemental dick.

[Bluntness100]

How is the amount of exercise I take a choice. Please can you explain that to me

Sure. Unless someone has a disability or illness and prevented from exercise then the amount of exercise they take is a choice they make. As in they decide whether to do it or not. I’m really not sure how to explain it further.

If you’re being passive aggressive because you have an impairment that prevents exercise then that’s a bit pointless as clearly every single person knows some folks can’t exercise and they were excluded from the statement, it really shouldn’t need to be said.

[Noconceptofnormal]

There is an ekement of choice but people now have the odds stacked against them. The way our society is now set up is conducive to obesity -

• convenient, cheap, tasty fast food as opposed to having to cook meals for yourself

• price of food is so much cheaper so there are excesses of it

• both adults in a family work, less time/inclination to cook

• many adults on meds like antidepressants and painkillers which cause weight to pile on

People in previous generations were not better than us, they just were living in different times.

[Bluemoooon]

I think it's difficult if you are the family cook as you are around food all the time.
I'm mid 60s and ime you do put weight on as you get older - I could lose a stone or two and will give it a go -not to look good but to ease the wt on my knees, feet, ankles and lighten my heavy sagging boobs. It's not just appearances and when I see obese people I pity them carrying all that weight, it must be exhausting.

[Mydogisthebestest]

@Bluntness100

How is the amount of exercise I take a choice. Please can you explain that to me

Sure. Unless someone has a disability or illness and prevented from exercise then the amount of exercise they take is a choice they make. As in they decide whether to do it or not. I’m really not sure how to explain it further.

If you’re being passive aggressive because you have an impairment that prevents exercise then that’s a bit pointless as clearly every single person knows some folks can’t exercise and they were excluded from the statement, it really shouldn’t need to be said.

You clearly didn’t even bother to read my posts.

[Veganforlife]

But op
At a size 14 ,you know full well you are not fat ,as the majority of women in U.K. are a size 16 and over .
Is this a thinly veiled attempt at fat bashing ,again.

[Mamabear12]

Most people could lose weight if they ate the right foods and exercised. It is about self control and learned habits. Of course there are some with health issues that cause them to have slow metabolisms. But I see a lot of overweight people with huge portions and soda or juice etc. And thinking 30 minutes of exercise is a lot. I realised for myself I actually naturally do a lot of walking. I would say 2-3 hours a day with the school run, errands, walking the dog, in the park with the kids and walking the baby in the stroller. I also don’t snack most days. I have three meals. To me they are good size portions and I eat until I’m very full and satisfied. But I have seen other people pile on their plates 3 times as much pasta/rice I have taken. And then they wonder why they can’t lose weight. I tend to pile on the salad or veggies because I genuinely like them. But it was learned as when younger I ate a lot of junk. I was and always slim and can eat what I want. But when I was younger I ate a lot more junk. I’m still the same size as when I was in my teens. I just have different eating habits (started to eating more fruits and veggies because I became interested in health and nutrients etc). I have also seen young kids already getting fat because of learned habits from parents... Drinking these huge blue frozen drinks, sodas, and other junk. I’m not saying all fat people do this. But I do see a lot have a choice and choose to eat these wrong foods. We don’t allow these types of foods as they are filled with chemicals and bad for health. McDonald’s is a once or twice a year thing. My kids know in summer they will have McDonald’s once. And perhaps one other time during winter. That’s it.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

It's a choice for SOME people.

I'm 5'4 and weight 11st 7lbs. Not fat, but definitely overweight and I look chubby. It's entirely my fault that I weigh this much because I eat too much. I'm attempting to lose weight and the only way I can do that is by changing my eating habits.

I don't buy this "eating healthy is more expensive" either because when I was on benefits after splitting from my ex I was the slimmest I've ever been. I had a food budget and had to stick to it so I didn't have spare money to buy snacks and overeat. Now I'm in a much better financial position and I can buy whatever food I like, I can buy takeaways when I don't fancy cooking whereas I couldn't afford that before, I can go out for coffee and cake and I go to restaurants more often. That has all contributed to my weight gain.

[Mydogisthebestest]

@Bluntness100

How is the amount of exercise I take a choice. Please can you explain that to me

Sure. Unless someone has a disability or illness and prevented from exercise then the amount of exercise they take is a choice they make. As in they decide whether to do it or not. I’m really not sure how to explain it further.

If you’re being passive aggressive because you have an impairment that prevents exercise then that’s a bit pointless as clearly every single person knows some folks can’t exercise and they were excluded from the statement, it really shouldn’t need to be said.

And also, you didn’t exclude anyone from your sweeping hurtful statement

[StuffThem]

MN is not friendly or supportive to fat people so I expect (if you've enabled voting) the vast majority will say it is a choice, whilst judging the discusting fatties

This. Mumsnet is a horrendously judgemental place when it comes to being overweight.

I only came on here to say this and I've tried to avoid reading most of this thread because it's not helpful.

People don't choose to be fat. They either have a medical reason *underactive thyroid is much more common than you might think) or an emotional reason why overeating is a thing that they do. Considering most people who diet do not manage to keep the weight off (in fact diets generally fuck your body up hormonally as well as generally ending up in you putting on weight), nobody ever got slim as a result of reading crap comments about fat people (quite the opposite, destroying self esteem will cause and perpetuate comfort eating), AND there's a link between lack of wealth and obesity, it's incredibly unkind and counter productive to claim that fat is a choice in a massive pile up on thread after thread.

[AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter]

Yes, I'm sorry but unless you have a very rare medical condition, it is a choice.
My best friend is overweight. I couldn't give a toss. She does. She is always saying to me "oh you're so lucky to be slim, I wish I was slim, its so unfair that I put weight on so easily" etc etc
I adore her but what she's saying is rubbish. It aint luck. I go to the gym regularly (when they were open!), I eat lots of fish and salads, I never eat dessert when out. My friend on the other hand eats sausage rolls for breakfast, then snacks mid morning, often takeaway food for lunch, then a huge meal with lots of wine for dinner and no exercise ever. Now, I'm not saying this is wrong- its her choice and none of my business what she eats, but there is no doubt that if I ate her diet for three months I would put on a load of extra weight. What I'm saying is, the difference between our weights has nothing at all to do with "luck". Its about lifestyle choice and whilst your lifestyle choice is entirely up to you, you cannot then claim that this is luck that your friend is slim and you arent, not when you are eating approx 3-4000 calories a day.

Noone is saying losing weight is "easy". It isnt. Its bloody hard. But it IS "simple". Its simply- eat less calories than you burn. If you do this, barring some rare medical condition, you will lose weight. People misconstrue the fact that the equation is very simple with people saying losing weight isnt hard. I get it- its very, very hard and I used to be much bigger when I was younger but the fact is, overeating is a choice. Noone is forcing you to put food into your body.

[TheStuffedPenguin]

My two nephews - one chubby like our side of the family and one lanky like his Mum's side of the family . Both fed the same .In fact the chubbier one is so much more active than the lanky skinny one . It's much more complicated than choosing to be a certain way .

[SauvignonBlanketyBlank]

I was watching an old episode of supersize v superskinny on YouTube yesterday and dr christian was saying that the only thing that can make you fat is food.I think that is a true statement.Ive put a stone on since Christmas which is due to overeating and not caring about what I was putting into my body.It is my fault that I put on weight no point blaming anything else.

[CardsforKittens]

I keep hearing people say that only a small minority of people are fat because of health problems. I don’t think that’s very convincing, especially considering the prevalence of mental heath difficulties and the association of antidepressants with weight gain. Add to this the many many medical conditions that can cause weight gain, from arthritis to PCOS and dozens of others. And then so many medications are associated with weight gain, from biologics (arthritis) to insulin (diabetes). It doesn’t look much like a small minority to me.

[Incrediblytired]

Hi OP

I’m the same height as you 5”8 and I recently put on weight, I’ve been gradually putting it on for years but gained a stone during lockdown. I weighed myself and I weighed 14 stone.

So we are same height and weight. This gives a BMI of 28 which is classified as overweight - and not just a little bit, nearer the border with Medical obesity.

If you are doing this much calorie counting and exercise it would be worth discussing with your GP as there may be an underlying medical condition.

Personally I know that diet and exercise will help me lose weight and being fat is essentially a choice. Caused by me being an excellent baker and lover of food. However I’m massively uncomfortable at this weight and have been on slimming world for a fortnight, it’s my first diet and I’ve lost 10lb. So for some people there’s a definite choice. I’ve been fat and happy for a couple of years but now reached peak fatness and I was fat and unhappy. So I choose to do something about it!

[Newdaynewname1]

Behavioural nutrition researcher here (i.e. I spend my days observing what people eat).
To me the top reasons are

• loads of ignorance/lack of education. People just don’t check calories
  
• massive portion sizes (too much healthy food makes you fat as well). starting with kids being given adult portion sizes. Getting smaller plates helps.
  
• demonisation of some foods, glorification of others (portion size is more important than what you eat for your weight)
  
• not counting “small stuff” lime dressings and sauces. a salad drowned in dressing is fairly bad for you
  
• if you don’t want to eat it, don’t buy it
  
• bad habits, i.e. people don’t even realise they snack a lot (my favourite case was a lady who ate 200g of chocolate a day - without ever noticing)
  
• choice - yes, its hard. Being healthy means conscious choice for healthy options and healthy portion sizes
  
• overestimating activity. 10 minutes walking a day isn’t an awful lot

[Ohffs66]

Maybe 10-15 years ago I'd have said yes definitely it's a choice - when I was younger, naturally slimmer and could drop half a stone just by restricting my eating and going to the gym properly for a couple of weeks. Now, at nearly 50, it seems so much easier to put weight on even if I eat fairly healthily, and much harder to get it off. I also have far less energy than I used to, and am less motivated by what other people think of my appearance than I used to be. So I guess for me right now it is still kind of a choice to a certain extent, but I'd have to massively cut back my intake of food and up my exercise and even then I'm not sure I'd ever be properly thin like I used to be. And I think the bigger you are, for a lot of people the amount of effort it will take to make a minimal difference is really really offputting and also a bit scary. So it becomes a non-choice, and you just accept that this is the way it is. Relationships with food and weight are very complex for a lot of people, and I don't think choices are always made on a rational 'this is what I need to do to be thin' basis, it's just not that straightforward.

[GrapefruitsAreNotTheOnlyFruit]

I think mainly some people's appetite's are set wrong. If they eat when they are hungry until they are not they will be overweight. The only way is to constantly control what and how much one eats. The problem is you can't just give up eating.

[BabyDancer]

While teenagers may significantly vary in their calorie intake requirements depending on if they're going through a growth spurt etc, I think by the time you reach adulthood it doesn't vary as much as some people are suggesting. You might see a skinny friend wolf down a Big Mac in minutes when you catch up one time and put it down to 'good genes' as to why she is so thin. It's more likely that it's an occasional treat for her and that she eats healthily most of the time OR she eats crap but just way less than you. For most people that don't have underlying health issues, if you ate exactly what the skinny friend ate for a month then you will lose weight.

There is a huge difference in what different people consider healthy as well. Overall, for most, it's a choice.

[Mydogisthebestest]

Can I ask. Those who say it’s a choice.

Do you exclude medical issues? If so, what ones? Do you tell people who have MH issues, depression etc to pull themselves together? Do you believe those are real issues or do they have a choice too?

[SpillTheTeaa]

I don't agree that it's always a choice.
I do believe some people have 'fat genes' of course what they eat but some people's build will never ever be slim.
It depends when people are on low incomes, frozen food and crap food is generally cheaper then healthy food. It also depends on your relationship with food and your up bringing. There is a lot to factor in to why people are overweight or underweight. I don't think it's as simple as they eat too much that's why they're fat.

[itssquidstella]

I think people who have been fat since childhood have very little choice, because their metabolisms and reward systems (dopamine etc) are totally fucked. It's why I'm so judgmental when I see parents with fat children.

If you become fat as an adult and have no underlying medical conditions then that's more of a choice.

[heartsonacake]

Yes, I do think people are fat by choice (barring medical conditions) and I do think it’s because of a lack of will and/or self control.