Is being fat a choice?

[notevenamum1]

This has all been triggered from a post I read on here the other day that was based around how short men must feel how fat women do when it comes to dating. There was a comment made about how it was worse for the men because they had not chosen to be short. Now this blaze comment about how being fat is a choice really sent me down a rabbit hole.

I think this is probably easy to say if you are someone who has never struggled with weight before but if you are someone like me who has struggled and yo-yo’d with their weight their whole life then they would beg to differ. I am both tall and fat, I have in the past been slim(mer) but it was a hell of a battle to get there and was unsustainable to stay there. Even now I am 5ft8, 14stone and convince myself that I am a size 14...I have to be mindful of what I eat every day, and exercise regularly or I would be even larger than I am now.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?

Is being “fat” a choice?

[notevenamum1]

@edwardson amen!

[BrandNewShinyThings]

I honestly do not believe that there would be so many overweight people in the world if they could make the choice to be slim. It is too simplistic to put it in those terms. Being overweight makes my joints ache. I am constantly and painfully aware of how I look to others. I put a lot of thought into what I am wearing so that my fatness is hidden as much as possible. I would love to throw on any old thing and know I looked good in it but that is what thin people can do and I am not one of them. I am constantly thinking about what I want to eat next and then thinking that I shouldn't be eating it, it is torturous. I've had hypnotherapy, I've tried every approach and diet under the sun. I've listened to and read people's opinions telling that me if I had self control I wouldn't be in this position. That its just a matter of calories in versus calories out. That I only need a calorie deficit to lose weight. As I say, if only it were that simple.
Never in a million years would I actively choose this body or mindset and yet it seems I am stuck with it.

[dazzlinghaze]

I'm fat and to a point I would say it's a choice. However, I have depression which often makes it really hard to make good food choices, get myself motivated to exercise and I often binge as a comfort thing. I tend to lose a bit of weight when I'm going through a good period with my mental health as I find it much easier to eat healthier, I get out and about more and I don't feel that desire to comfort eat.

Obviously I'm not saying it's not as simple as more calories in than calories burned = weight gain but I think the reasons why so many people eat enough to be overweight is more complex than just simple greed.

[thenightsky]

To lose weight I have to think of nothing else. It has to be my one priority in life. I can't do that. I have done, and lost 2 and a half stone at a time. The moment I take my eye off the ball it creeps back up again though.

This is my life too.

[allfalldown47]

I can totally see how people taking steroids etc have little choice but I think the vast majority of overweight people do absolutely have a choice.

I am the only slim member of my extended family and guess what? I eat much less and drink way less alcohol than all of them.

[blankittyblank]

I've always wondered this - and I genuinely don't think it's a choice. At least not for everyone.i know many people who exercise way more then me, eat well but will always be biggish.
There are few things I've heard which I thought were really interesting.

One is - you develop fat cells in your youth, up to around 16. As an adult, you are then stuck with fat calls you had a child/teen, which means the ones you have can then only get smaller or larger. Which is why, if you're an overweight child you will struggle to ever be a skinny adult, and vice versa. (I read this in the new scientist many years ago. I have never read anything else about this theory, but it's very interesting I think)

The second was on a program about gut bacteria. A woman who was always slim, had a daughter who had always been overweight. The mum had some medical issue, and the cure for this issue involved injecting gut bacteria from her daughter into her (I can't remember the issue she had). Not long after this happened, the mum suddenly became quite overweight and couldn't lose it.

The take away from this was, scientists are wondering if the issues many people have with weight loss are down to gut bacteria.

I found both these theories fascinating, and go some way I think to explaining why some people really struggle to lose weight.

[blankittyblank]

I've always wondered this - and I genuinely don't think it's a choice. At least not for everyone.i know many people who exercise way more then me, eat well but will always be biggish.
There are few things I've heard which I thought were really interesting.

One is - you develop fat cells in your youth, up to around 16. As an adult, you are then stuck with fat calls you had a child/teen, which means the ones you have can then only get smaller or larger. Which is why, if you're an overweight child you will struggle to ever be a skinny adult, and vice versa. (I read this in the new scientist many years ago. I have never read anything else about this theory, but it's very interesting I think)

The second was on a program about gut bacteria. A woman who was always slim, had a daughter who had always been overweight. The mum had some medical issue, and the cure for this issue involved injecting gut bacteria from her daughter into her (I can't remember the issue she had). Not long after this happened, the mum suddenly became quite overweight and couldn't lose it.

The take away from this was, scientists are wondering if the issues many people have with weight loss are down to gut bacteria.

I found both these theories fascinating, and go some way I think to explaining why some people really struggle to lose weight.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

The ‘choice’ to remain fat is an unconscious one based on negative past experiences, negative self-talk, often a lot of self-blame or self-hatred or comfort seeking behaviour, and the inability to truly live in the moment (if you could do that you would notice when you’re full or thirsty rather than hungry).

Losing weight is an active choice but to do it effectively you need to sort out the mental as well as any physical causes otherwise it will just keep piling back on.

[indemMUND]

I wouldn't say it's choice for everyone.
I'm 5ft and have a small frame. Low appetite, one meal a day is fine for me - but very aware when I'm uncomfortable with a few extra pounds, especially with lack of usual essential school run walking exercise (4 miles a day, 5 days a week) due to months of lockdown. And I'm a lazy bugger at heart
We're all different. In build, genetics, medical issues etc. Can't really generalise this one.
I wouldn't like to be taller by choice though.

[SerenDippitty]

i have an underactive thyroid. I am overweight, BMI 27.5 but it is not a choice. I eat healthily and exercise. I did lose weight with WW some years ago but only by sticking to it rigidly and never using the extra points. It was grim. Most people when calorie counting can afford the occasional treat or meal out and it won't make any difference but not me.

[Crazycrazylady]

I think it's a choice to a degree. I was 2 stone overweight at the start of Covid. For me it was simply I love nice food so I chose to eat out/ eat what I wanted knowing that I would put on weight but at the time it seemed 'worth it' to me. I don't feel like that now and have lost a stone and hope to shift the other one in the next few months but that's a choice too.

[2020iscancelled]

It’s probably far too simplistic to label it a single choice.

For some yes it is, they are capable of change but ultimately enjoy eating more than they need to, thus are fat. So that’s their choice.

Others and probably the majority of us, have reasons as to why we overeat. It’s still a choice I suppose but it is one loaded with complex emotions. So it feels much less like there is a choice and more like a conclusion.

But ultimately I suppose excluding those genuine conditions which make weight gain inevitable it really is down to each of us to make a decision on whether we put food into our mouths or not.

OP - it simply might be that your calorific intake needs to be on the lower side, perhaps it’s metabolic issue for you? Lifting weights to build muscle may help, as muscle burns calories more
Effectively. Upping your low cal / high volume foods may help. Upping your protein may help.

It’s very, very unlikely that diet couldn’t control your weight. You just have to find the right balance of calories, NEAT, sleep and exercise.

[SpuriouserAndSpuriouser]

I don’t think it’s a choice for most people. Anyone who thinks it is needs to read up about the social determinants of health. There are so, so many factors that effect obesity, many outside of what an individual can control.

[BrandNewShinyThings]

I would also add that a lot of thin people are completely lacking in empathy for overweight people and look down on them for not having enough willpower to be slim. They feel superior for their ability to eat less.
allfalldown47's comment demonstrates this attitude perfectly.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

I think when discussing this on MN it should be taken into an account that there will be more people here who have health issues affecting their weight, than you would meat outside of MN

[youkiddingme]

As others have said, many many complicated reasons why people struggle with their weight. Great post by Adoptthisdogornot.
I am very overweight, and yes I am disabled and it has been contributed to be medication, but I don't always eat the right things and sometimes overeat. But the efforts I make not to are enormous. Previously in my life I was thin and had much better appetite control. I'm still the same person. So I neither deserved to feel smug about being thin nor deserve to feel ashamed about being fat.
I really don't think any fat person sits there and thinks I am fat, I want to get fatter, and it's my choice. So clearly, even if SOME of the choices they make contribute to their obesity, it's not really free choice is it?
Also I have read a few articles suggesting that gut flora can impact weight in various ways; firstly the way food is broken down is affected by the different microbes present. Secondly it is thought that some bacteria can interrupt the feedback process that regulates appetite - or to put it simply they secrete chemicals which induce you to eat to feed them. And thirdly they make affect the production of insulin. Early days in research on these things but I suspect there is much to learn.

[SusieOwl4]

@maddening

Me too.

I eat approx 1100 calories a day . And am stuck at same weight and no energy at all.

[ZuzusPetaIs]

I don’t think it’s one or the other - I think it’s a bit of both. If those who say that it’s unequivocally a choice, I assume they mean it’s a choice around food?

We all know people who consume massive amounts and remain thin; equally, we’ll know people who eat relatively little who are overweight or obese.

I believe that we all have a set point and it’s difficult to vary much from this without a lot of effort. I exercise a lot - when not in lockdown, I hill walk every weekend (8-10 hour walks/climbs “bagging” munros), I’ve done many challenging treks, during the week I walk or run 3/4 times usually between 5 and 15 miles, but I find it difficult to get below about 13.5 stone. I’m 5’8” and my BMI hovers around the upper limits of “overweight”. At my fittest (many years ago) I would run to and from work and do a lot of strength training, and my weight was still about 11.5 - 12 stone. 11st 11lbs would be 25 BMI for me.

My diet is what I’d consider normal - I eat plenty of fruit/veg but also eat meat about three time a week and don’t limit bread/pasta. At weekends, I’ll normally have dessert on Sat and Sun. I rarely drink alcohol.

I guess my point is that it’s a choice not to go at it hammer and tong with exercise and strict calorie control in order to be a couple of stones lighter. But I guess I’m not prepared to be exercise obsessed and record everything that I eat. However, it’s most definitely not a choice to have 13.5 stones as my sort of default weight.

Everyone’s different and I know that some folk do overeat and then are amazed that they’ve put on weight. But it’s not a straightforward choice as the body-shaming superior skinnies believe it to be.

[treeshaveleaves]

I think if there's nothing actually medically wrong such as a disability then yes. And I'm overweight and believe it's a choice.
Eat less and exercise more and you'll almost definitely lose weight so it is within most people's reach to be healthy.
I find it very hard to prioritise my health though. Much rather eat chocolate and snacks curled up on the sofa sigh.

[bottleofbeer]

I don't think people actively choose it but yeah if you become overweight you can make changes and lose the weight. You choose to address it or not. It's hard to lose weight so it's easy to fall into the mindset of "oh I'm not that big, it's fine".

I choose to smoke because I lie to myself that it is ok really and I'm sure I'll quit one day.

[allfalldown47]

@BrandNewShinyThings
How am I 'looking down' on anyone? I'm stating a fact, I think your reaction says way more about your own issues than mine!
As an example, my mum will regularly eat a whole packet of biscuits in one sitting, I would be happy with 2. She acknowledges that this contributes to her being overweight and in the same way I can see that me being happy with eating less is clearly one of the reasons I'm slim.
I'm not looking down on my mum, I can just see the difference in our eating habits (as can she!)

[aufaitaccompli]

I have to say I'm devastated to read Laurie's post re the consultation she had. Zero chance of keeping it off if BMI over 35 I think the surgeon said.

It's knocked the hope clean out of me.
Hope of ever feeling better, less tired, fitter, more attractive, longer life.

I'm fucked. Because whatever way its sliced and diced, I'll only put the weight on again once/if I lose any.

I feel bloody awful now.

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

Of course being fat is a choice. Im fat because I choose to get in the car rather than walk. People say they have to go to great effort to loose weight.... they choose not to as its effort. I'm in the same boat but wont say its not my fault as it bloody obviously is.

[doskant]

not many people judge anorexic people for "choosing" to be thin

Categorically untrue. I’ve been (falsely) accused of having an eating disorder my entire life. The accusations are hurled at me like an attack. I’m told I look terrible, asked why I don’t eat property, told there’s something wrong with me. I imagine if I actually had an eating disorder these sorts of comments would be very damaging.