To change parts of our holiday to suit my mum

[AmyandPhilipfan]

My husband and I and our 3 kids are due to go and stay at my mum’s during the school summer holidays. After staying there for 1 night we will then go to destination B for 3 nights, then back to my mum’s for 3 nights, then to destination C for 1 night and then back home.

This was booked/planned months ago and my mum was meant to be coming to B with us. I was on the phone to her about it tonight and she is happy for us to stay with her (she’s in her 70s and has a couple of medical issues so has stayed isolated at home for months but is generally fit and active) but thinks she better not come to B with us. I suggested that we tried to rearrange B so that we go from there straight to C without going back to hers. So we’d stay with her for a few nights then not see her again once we head to B without her a few days later than originally planned. She agreed she’d feel better about this as we’re going to a busy place and will be mixing with lots of people.

I told my husband this had been suggested and he got a bit annoyed about changing the plans. Part of the reason, he says, was that we could have washed clothes for destination C while back at my mum’s. I pointed out that destination B has laundry facilities plus as we’re only at C for one night I’m sure we’ll manage. He’s looking into changing B but is acting like it’s a big fuss but I think it’s the least we could do to protect my mum.

So AIBU for wanting to change the holiday plans like this?

You are not being at all unreasonable!

I Gree you should rearrange it to protect your mum

Ynbu over all, but at the same time, I would be annoyed if my husband changed our holiday plans without at least discussing it with me first.

So he thinks it’s acceptable to put your mum at risk so he can wash his pants 🙄. I wouldn’t even bother with the conversation with him if he can’t see how selfish he is being in wanting to bring unnecessary risk back to your mum

Forgot to add, and it then fell to ME to do the leg work of changing it.

Wow, cant he pack for a week without doing washing?! Pathetic

@lukasiak

Forgot to add, and it then fell to ME to do the leg work of changing it.

Who is doing the leg work here though?

Is there even any extra leg work to be done?!

You are completely in the right. and being very considerate. Does DH understand your mum is worried?

I'd have discussed it with him first before offering that option to my DM.

I can imagine an OP where a female MNer moans because her DH has changed holiday plans with his DM without discussing it with her first, and everyone responds with how unfair of him it is.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing! Your mum needs to be protected and her concerns respected. Many people have had to change plans for holidays etc ... during this period.
You are not being unreasonable

With regard to changing the plans, as with lots of people’s holidays the plans have been up in the air for months. My husband was saying just the other day we might have to cancel everything. We were waiting to see if my mum would offer to have us to stay as I knew she would say yes if I asked if we could still come but I didn’t want her to feel forced into it, if that makes sense? But I told my husband I was ringing her tonight to discuss it. She then said she was happy for us to come, we ummed and ahhed over whether she should come to B with us, she decided she’d better not, though she would love to, then it occurred to me that we’d still be putting her at risk coming back from there and we could eliminate that risk by not coming back from there to hers. That option honestly hadn’t occurred to me before the phone call but really I hadn’t thought too hard about the holiday because the first thing we needed to know was if we could go to hers in the first place and there was no point thinking too much about the rest before we knew that.

And I would be perfectly happy to ring up place B tomorrow about changing the plans but my husband chose to start looking at our options online once I’d told him about the phone call.