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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

17 replies

Mum2xx · 14/07/2020 19:17

I was with my partner on and off for 3 years we have a baby together. He broke up with me when I was pregnant because I found messages on his phone from other women. We got back together again a few months after I had our son but he dosent live with us or ever help out and anytime I speak on how I feel he ignores me for weeks dosent reply to my messages or just tells me to f**k off but never actually states we are broken up. Anyways the last argument we had was only over something silly and we didnt speak for 3 weeks but we got back together again. Last week His phone was left on the table while he was sleeping so I decided to look through it ( I know I shouldn't but I did) I found loads of messages telling women how sexy they are and inviting them over to his house to have sex 2 days after we had a fight. I felt sick reading the messages and so hurt. Surely if you love someone you wouldnt want to sleep with someone else two days after a silly argument, anytime we argue he texts other women I couldnt believe the messages I was seeing. He never told me we were finished he just ignored me and he thinks that counts as him telling me its over. Do you think I'm being unreasonable? I think he is a narcissist and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy because he makes me feel like I'm completely over reacting. Any advice would be good. Thanks xx

OP posts:

heartsonacake · 14/07/2020 19:20

YABU to be with him. You clearly can’t trust him and he treats you awfully, and that isn’t a good message to send to your child.

YWBU to check his phone as well. That you felt you needed to do that was reason enough to leave in and of itself.

ScubaSteven · 14/07/2020 19:25

Why are you waiting for him to tell you it is over? You found messages, you break up with him. You might have decided to get back with him (it sounds like he decided that it wasn't your decision), you find more texts, you break up with him. Don't wait for him to tell you where you stand.

I'm not sure why you are still communicating with him about anything other than co-parenting.

Fandanglethat · 14/07/2020 19:29

He doesn't love you. He's a twat.

Put on your big girl pants and break up with him. You and your son deserve so much more.

ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 14/07/2020 19:29

YABU for being such a fool and allowing some boy to play you. You need to get a sexual health check then work on your self esteem. You are not a dog he can keep coming back to every so often. He does not love you and I know that hurts you but look at yourself.... you are worthy of more. Mums dont allow foolish cheating boys to bring them down. We rise above it and shine. Your child is watching and learning from you. Straighten your crown you will be just fine.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 14/07/2020 19:36

If he wanted to be a great partner and Dad, he'd be a great partner and Dad. Instead he wants to use you when he feels like it and shit all over you when it suits him.

Pick yourself up, hold your head high and move past this hurt. You (and every other woman being treated shabbily like this by fuckwits) deserve more than he's able to give.

I'd bet you twenty pounds if you walk away and make a permanent break from him, get your shit together and move on emotionally he'll come crying to you that he's changed, he's sorry, he's realised you're the one. By which point you'll be stronger and realise that he's nothing but a piece of shit and wonder what you were doing spending so much time hurting over someone who was such a wang.

Smallsteps88 · 14/07/2020 19:37

Don’t waste a single second more worrying about this nasty bastard. YOU tell him it’s over. He’s not welcome in your home anymore and he’s only to contact you about seeing your child. You’re far better than this OP.

Bluetrews25 · 14/07/2020 20:05

He's not a narc, he's just a bastard who comes around for a shag because you haven't thrown him out and blocked him. When he does that, you think it means the relationship is back on. No, OP, he's only there for a shag. He won't dump you because he's lazy and does not see this as a relationship, so there is no need to call it off.
You have a vote, you know. You don't have to be there for him, you are allowed to break it off yourself. He's not the boss of you. You don't have to be available to him.

Sunrise234 · 14/07/2020 20:06

He broke up with me when I was pregnant because I found messages on his phone from other women.

HE broke up with you!

I am all for giving someone a second chance but you've given him that and he's blown it so go and find someone better who respects you and treats you like a princess.

MidnightCitrus · 14/07/2020 20:08

and what does he bring to the table, he's unfaithful, he gaslights...

user1456324865563 · 14/07/2020 20:12

What did you learn about relationships growing up and what do you want your child to learn?

You need to end things with him permanently.

And then do the Freedom Programme course.

BlueSuffragette · 14/07/2020 20:13

He's using you. His actions tell you he doesn't respect you or that you are in any kind if meaningful relationship with him. Dump the waste of space and move on. Built a better life for yourself and your child.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 14/07/2020 20:21

YABU to stay with this bellend. Wake up, you deserve better.

HavingAMoan · 14/07/2020 20:23

I can’t work out why you’re with him.

WitchDancer · 14/07/2020 20:23

It's time to tell him to get gone. You are worth so much more than this!

Kassandra1 · 14/07/2020 20:35

Why are you with him? Where's your self respect? Do you think this type of chaos is good for your child?

FantasyPanda · 14/07/2020 20:48

Even though going through his phone was wrong, it's done now. Definitely leave him because he is never going to stop doing this. You deserve so much better than this. It's time you put yourself and your son first.

Justcallmebebes · 14/07/2020 21:17

Sorry to be harsh but where do you get the idea that he loves you from? His actions don't support that at all. Do yourself and your child a favour, gather up your dignity and block him and move on. But put in a claim for financial support. Oh and get tested too.

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