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AIBU?

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Original poster

Saving for a house

13 replies

kayoutdoors · 13/07/2020 23:03

Hi,
So I'm ready to finally get a house, I've got a deposit when we can have the 10% mortgages but I'd like to go halves with my partner and get somewhere closer to them.

I've made loads of efforts to save but my partner on the other hand seems to be less inclined. Whenever a holiday opportunity comes up or they can get a take away (they used to go out 5 nights a weeks with friends) they take it.

I'm lucky my rent is minimal and I can pick up overtime if I ever need it.

But should I be expecting the to save up just like me?
I'd prefer to go halves or else I'd look for a place that's ideal for me (closer to my work, family etc.)

OP posts:
Callmedolly · 13/07/2020 23:10

Have you asked you partner if they want to go halves? Sounds like they might not be quite on the same wavelength as you.

If you have the money yourself, buy in your name and then you have a safety net as well, especially as partner doesn't seem to want the house.

Original poster
kayoutdoors · 13/07/2020 23:23

@Callmedolly

Have you asked you partner if they want to go halves? Sounds like they might not be quite on the same wavelength as you.

If you have the money yourself, buy in your name and then you have a safety net as well, especially as partner doesn't seem to want the house.

They have mentioned going halves and most of the houses we send to each other are at their end of town. It would be me moving to a new area having a longer commute.
OP posts:
Perch · 13/07/2020 23:29

Have you ever lived together? It sounds like a LDR...
Not being on the same page when it comes to financial issues and attitude to money can really sink a relationship. Are you?

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 13/07/2020 23:36

I bought a house with someone who wasn't a saver. I paid the deposit and then had to buy him out after 3 years when I couldn't deal with being the only grown up.

Original poster
kayoutdoors · 13/07/2020 23:50

@Perch not lived together, that might be the next thing to rent together just to see if we can live together but I'd rather get on the ladder now.

@PastMyBestBeforeDate that's what I'd worry about that financially I could get screwed.

I'm worried cause I know the family doesn't have much money to their name, my partner's usually sending cash over to help for random stuff like another family member go on the same holiday this year...this member can't afford so I can't see why they've said yes.

Thanks!!

OP posts:
krustykittens · 13/07/2020 23:56

Buy on your own, OP, you don't even live together. Live where suits you, in a property you can afford on your own. If your relationship blossoms, great. You can always move. If it doesn't, you have no financial ties and your home remains yours.

Perch · 14/07/2020 00:07

So you want to buy a house using all your savings with a man who you have never lived with and who is a bit free with money at best and irresponsible at worst in a new area (not yours, his!) with a longer commute for you

Why one earth would you do this??

Remember he has most likely learnt his attitude to money, responsibility and values from his family, so if you look at their situation you will see yours down the line.

In my very honest opinion love is not the only thing that makes it work in the long run.

How old are you? What is his earnings potential? One thing is he can match your savings with one city bonus payout. Another altogether if he is on a zero hours contract with little prospect for improving earnings.

HeddaGarbled · 14/07/2020 00:36

So he/she isn’t saving but expects the house to be in a location more convenient for them? Come on now, don’t be a doormat.

Rumbletumbleinmytummy · 14/07/2020 00:41

I was going to post something like this earlier but wasnt sure if i could take the flames at the moment!

It's absolutely shit isnt it? When you're doing all you can to get there and he fritters away much needed money to get to the point of buying.

Any possibility you can buy something on your own? To potentially keep as only yours so you arent involved in his financial affairs? The last thing you want is to be years down the line realising you were the only one who sacrificed and him walking away with 50% of what you worked hard for.

Rumbletumbleinmytummy · 14/07/2020 00:43

Sorry, I assumed your partner was a he! I do apologise

Popc0rn · 14/07/2020 00:47

Don't do it.

Rent together somewhere first, you really don't know someone til you've lived with them.

If you do buy somewhere together and you're putting more money into the deposit, make sure you get legal advice and something like a 'deed of trust' written up:
www.homewardlegal.co.uk/deed-of-trust

My friend bought her first house with her boyfriend before living together, she paid all of the deposit, but they owned the house 50/50 on all the paperwork. Less than two years later he cheated on her, and when she kicked him out she ended up having to pay him about £15,000 more than he'd actually put into the house in order to keep the house.

Crankley · 14/07/2020 00:56

Perch
So you want to buy a house using all your savings with a man who you have never lived with and who is a bit free with money at best and irresponsible at worst in a new area (not yours, his!) with a longer commute for you

This says it all.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 14/07/2020 01:00

Don't be daft, rent together first.

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