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Original poster

Friends, lack of.

13 replies

Meme2019 · 13/07/2020 21:10

Just dawned me that I have gone through life without friends. I have lots of acquaintances if that's even the right word, but no real friends. Is this sad?

My OH is my only friend. I have tried so hard to make friends now that I have kids but even that's proving a challenge. I want so badly for my kids to have good friends, I know people who have been friends since childhood, and I think that nice. The parents at my kids schools are in such tight clicky group, a new comer dare not even try.

OP posts:
CoRhona · 13/07/2020 21:28

I think it is sad. My friends are all so different and imo one person can't be all those things.

But your children might be very different from you and find making friends really easy?

Daphnesmate01 · 29/08/2020 20:10

Was going to start a thread about friendship and spotted this one.

I have two good friends the rest are acquaintances and I have found trying to make new friends very difficult. I would love to have some new friends or even just people who go out of there way to keep in touch. When covid eases I aim to join a couple of new groups in an effort to meet new people, I suppose some of it is down to luck. I can totally relate to the school gate thing, I think again, a lot of it is down to luck about who is there etc.

I am fairly introverted and find large group situations overwhelming but I figure that I am never going to make friends if I don't go out and meet others. I overheard two mums organising a trip to a theatre (pre covid) and I felt a pang of envy. Of course I could easily go alone but just having someone to invite me along/someone to invite along would be wonderful. I had an extroverted friend who helped me to broaden my social life. Unfortunately, she moved abroad and sadly, I've not met anyone like her since (she was the type of person who you could call and say, do you fancy going to x,y,z).

I have little extended family, going forward it would be lovely to meet more people.

BunnyLovesBananas · 29/08/2020 22:25

I think more people feel like this than you would expect, OP. I started a thread about friendship earlier this year and I've seen many similar ones. In my case it was more having friends but not a best friend or someone I can just call on a while to meet up with if I needed a chat.

I think shows like Sex and the City have sold us a lie.

There are ways to make more friends. I have found Facebook groups about certain interests have helped me, things that relate to my life have helped me connect with people. That and I now just put less into the friendships that I feel are one sided.

Daphnesmate01 · 30/08/2020 18:34

A lot of it is based on need too. Some people feel they have the friends they want/need already and don't seem interested in instigating new friendships. I don't feel I am that 'go to' person for either of my good friends - they have family and friends to whom they turn to first and one of those friends has several other friends. I have very little extended family so would very much like to develop a couple more good friendships. I am hoping to meet a couple of like-minded people through the hobbies I have developed. Only once did I make a friend through work and that friend emigrated.

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 30/08/2020 18:49

My “best friend” I see infrequently but would call in an emergency

I have lots of “inherited friends” through other friends or my DH who I wouldn’t meet 1:1

So real friends I have hardly any and some are very recent

MaxedOutMinnow · 30/08/2020 18:51

Friends can be lovely, but also overrated.

wigglerose · 30/08/2020 18:53

Every now and again I think it's worth starting a thread so Mumsnet users can state their likes/hobbies/location so they can meet for coffee. I see loads of these threads.

I'm in the same situation. I have a bunch of acquaintances I met at clubs at uni who live in the same area, but we're a big bunch of people who like doing the same hobby so no real close friends.

MaxedOutMinnow · 30/08/2020 18:53

'Sex and the City' - someone mentioned, astutely. Friendship based on tryna' be sexy and bag a man, basically.

Hmm...

Is that friendship?

What is the basis for friendship is the question I would ask, and go from there .... Smile

Bagelbabies · 30/08/2020 18:55

I could have written this. Had a pretty large circle of friends from different backgrounds (work, babies, school) but then I had four toddlers in quick succession and then moved abroad and then relocated back to UK to a different town and friends just stopped bothering with me. Now my children are all secondary age and I have made acquaintances through work, but no one I have really clicked with and am not really sure how to fix it. We are a very close family and do lots together, but I really miss friends I had a shared history with, but what can you do when they have just decided you aren’t worth visiting or meeting up with any more??

Daphnesmate01 · 30/08/2020 19:03

Maybe, good to hear you have made some recent friends.

Maxedout - yes, good question, what is the basis for friendship. Going through a shared experience, I guess is one. I met a friend when I became a first time mum...I think we were struggling together!

Bagel I have found one friend who I click with...we can relate on an emotional level and have a shared hobby. I would love to have another friend like this but feel lucky having met this friend.

I would like to have a variety of friends...being an introvert, an extrovert would be an interesting friend to have, someone who might drag me out of my comfort zone.

BunnyLovesBananas · 30/08/2020 21:35

@MaxedOutMinnow

'Sex and the City' - someone mentioned, astutely. Friendship based on tryna' be sexy and bag a man, basically.

Hmm...

Is that friendship?

What is the basis for friendship is the question I would ask, and go from there .... Smile

I don't fully understand but I think it's true we have different friends for different eg the friend you go for drinks with, the friend you call or message when you need to chat, someone to go running with or walk the dogs...
BunnyLovesBananas · 30/08/2020 21:40

@wigglerose A Facebook group was set up after a few of us were on a thread like this a few months ago. It has been quite good as there are people from all over the UK and there have been get togethers on Zoom like quizzes and a book club. If you would be interested, please inbox me and I will send you the link.

GisAFag · 30/08/2020 22:00

I have 2 that I talk to when things are crap. Both work colleagues but I value them over others, my I turn to them friends. I have 2 others that I chat to but no one else. Other people are polite conversations, how are you, did you see X on the TV. I

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