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Original poster

to stop bringing dc on days out

14 replies

Sarah510 · 13/07/2020 14:04

so, ds age 11 and dd age 16. I'm wfh so for a lot of the day i'm in meetings or on calls, working etc, so dc have been spending a lot of time online to their friends. Yesterday I thought I'd make an effort to go out, so we drove to a water park place - just a lake really, with some sandy bits - the hiring of canoes etc wasn't open yet. I was disappointed at dc moaning and arguing nearly the whole time - particularly ds - he didn't like the mud on his feet, he didn't like little flies, he was too hot, he was thirsty, he was car sick (he cant help that I know...). The day ended with me getting very annoyed in the car and saying I wasn't bringing them out any more - that they were happier at home online. I'm just feeling despondent today. It's DS birthday on Wed and I had booked the day off to go somewhere, but I really don't feel like doing it now. An awful lot of effort for them to just moan. I'm trying to "make memories" but what if the memories are just bad ones! It's the one time I find it really hard being a single parent - I feel that it all just falls on me to keep the day happy and upbeat and I cant afford to be annoyed, or fed up. Feeling very down about it all today.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 13/07/2020 14:10

hhmmm I can see why you're annoyed, I suppose it's hard to find something that an 11 year old and a 16 year old will both like to do. keep the day off for his birthday though. Have you asked him what he might like to do?

zingally · 13/07/2020 14:28

I can see that you'd feel annoyed... But did you ask the DCs what they would like to do?

A lake you can't do anything in, and a bit of sand, would be deathly boring for a pre-teen and teenager. What were you thinking they were going to do? Play with buckets and spades? They're not 5. But similarly, they're not of an age to sit for a couple of hours and admire the view.

Wouldn't have been my idea of fun either. Hot, flies, nothing to do!

Original poster
Sarah510 · 13/07/2020 14:28

he wants to do things that arent open - like to the swimming pool. He only started a new school in November, and hadn't made any 'proper' friends before the lockdown so he's a bit in limbo now - there is only 1 friend he could possibly invite for a 'party' - the usual places aren't really open yet anyway - he's had football parties in the past or playcentre. I think he would happy playing fortnite all day, like he does every day. The battle to get him off it yesterday to come on the day out. I know I should try and get him off it more, but its hard when I have to wfh. I don't have the time to give him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarah510 · 13/07/2020 14:31

yeah ok I see your point!!! It was more sussing it out - they thought it would be deeper and they could swim - their favourite thing, but it was a lot smaller than in the pics on the website and ds didn't like the mud at the bottom. (they're used to the beach - I drove to the beach last weekend but it's a 7 hour round trip and I was exhausted after it, plus they were bored in the car, so I thought this would be an idea).

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarah510 · 13/07/2020 14:33

PS there was crazy golf and a few rides, but they didn't want to do that as it was too hot.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/07/2020 14:33

I'm trying to "make memories" but what if the memories are just bad ones!

Forget the Instagram crap. You drag them out, they moan at the time, they remember it fondly. I dragged DD all the way to Iceland and she complained bitterly. Now it's all, "do you remember when..."

And I hate the 'they're too old for buckets and spades' talk. I like playing with a bucket and spade and I'm many times their age. You just have to make space for the five minutes of actual fun they will have in amongst the whining.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/07/2020 15:08

What about taking him to the cinema? Are they open in the UK yet?

AryaStarkWolf · 13/07/2020 15:10

I drove to the beach last weekend but it's a 7 hour round trip

7 hours in the car???? No wonder they were complaining, mine complain if we're in the car more than 45minutes

Nearlyalmost50 · 13/07/2020 15:15

I totally get where you are coming from, as a single parent, I find the responsibility of being the only one fixing the things to do/doing events/days out and so on quite tiring...however...a 7 hour trip is madness! You need to start being kind to yourself and doing things that are a) easy wins and they want to do and b) don't tire you out or put pressure on you. Take them out separately- one of mine doesn't really want to go out much at the moment, so fine, they stay home, we go out for a drive/to a nice place with the other one. Encourage them, at least the older one, to go out with friends, given them money to do that- socializing with friends is often better than a day out with mum (sorry!) Cinemas and swimming pools are opening up. What about a takeaway? That can be fun if you all sit around and watch a show for a short while. Dog walking?

If they are clamouring to go on days out/biking/walking/seeing scenic things, great, but if they are not, I'd keep it short and sweet and local and don't pressure yourself too much, you are doing what you can.

Inituntiltheend · 13/07/2020 15:53

If he wants to play fortnite for his birthday I think let him? Make/order in his fav tea and have that as your family time/celebration and maybe FaceTime some all relatives/friends after meal?

Orangeblossom78 · 13/07/2020 15:59

I have two 11 and 15, and think at this age they could be out and about independently really. Why not get send them off to the cinema or out for pizza, just send them off out for a bit.

Well that is what I think i might try with mine, who also spend a lot of time gaming onion with friends. They can meet up with others outside now as well.

Original poster
Sarah510 · 13/07/2020 17:49

yeah thanks I think the problem is they don't have any local friends here yet. we moved just before the lockdown. dd is waiting to start college but as she didn't go to school in this area she doesn't know anyone at all yet. any ideas how she could meet teens her own age. I don't even know where to start. As for ds I suppose at his age, I was still going on days out with them both. I suppose I'm sad those days are over. He used to love going out with me. He doesn't want to do anything with me now. I 'made' him help me do a few chores on Saturday, just so we could have a chat. I miss him! He's only 11 it seems too soon. DD spends a lot of time online with her friends. I suppose I feel we "should" be spending more time together as we hardly see each other. We spend most of the day in separate rooms. Come together for dinner - even though they would prefer to eat in their rooms. Then the evening we are all back in our own spaces again. I miss them! I feel like I should be making more of an effort. I suppose we used to live very near the beach and they loved that, so we'd spend a lot of days out messing about on the beach. I haven't found anything they want to do round here yet.

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ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 13/07/2020 17:54

I feel your pain OP. Has he got a drone or kite he could fly? My teen plays pokemon go if it gets too boring for him when we go for walks.

ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 13/07/2020 18:02

Is there a group chat / WhatsApp group / email list thing for the people who will be in her college class? They have them for uni courses don't they. I assume they don't or you would know. Hope she manages to find some friends bless her.

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